Visiting porno websites and been found out

[happycat]

Just come back from a computer course and have learnt some new tricks like what the history button is for and hey presto found out something I do not like about my hubby and the sites he has been visiting getting my drift.At the moment I am still in shock and feel sick (sexy women only I might add)and couples.Any one else experienced this I haven't spoken to him yet but if he goes into history now I have put in divorse websites.HELP

I did find one site really horrid though. I put in 'pregnant 7 months' on google once and came up with a site called preggaporn. This was pictures of obviously very pregnant women doing various stuff. I have to say that I was shocked as I didn't realise that there was a market for this particular depravity. And I thought I was a woman of the world. I did think what if one of these womens babys see this in the future. God it's the stuff of nightmares really. V.chilling

bobsmum - a hell of a lot of women fantasise about rape as well check out Nancy Fridays My Secret Garden. There's a huge difference between harmless fantasising and actually doing something. (I hasten to add this is not one of my particular turn ons before you all have a go at me)

Whether or not everybody does it, to me is irrelevant. Just because everybody jumped off a cliff etc etc....

I do have a problem with "harmless' fantasies, because it means someone else is on his mind rather than me. He's wishing he was with someone else.

For some men, I imagine it's a very fine line between leering at a magazine and leering at the girl on the desk opposite at work. Even if their fantasy is never acted upon and never becomes harrasment, the thought is there.

It was only a few days ago, some people were up in arms about the possibilty of a peadophile having pictures of children to fantasise over. He may not act on them, but isn't his desire to have them bad enough.

Most of the girls in these hideous magazines are schoolgirls too. Sam Fox was 15 when she started glamour modelling, and that's the allegedly "respectable" side of porn. I find it very difficult to accept that it's just a natural thing for our partners to masturbate over schoolgirls. These women are vulnerable victims of pushy and persuasive older men.

For every "liberated" model who claims it's empowering to be involved in porn, there are another hundred "real" "live" young girls exploited and tormented so men (and women no doubt) can be normal. I just don't think that's acceptable, but like I said I'm in the minority. Sex sells and the younger you get involved the more you can sell.

Out of interest, do you think a woman is being unfaithful if she reads erotic fiction?

No women are just superior. Men thke it all too seriously.

Good point soupdragon - definitely a grey area. Personally I wouldn't read erotic fiction in the first place, because I would find the thoughts probably very unhelpful. During sex I only want to think about dh - that's why I'm with him and not someone else.

I can see that some might say it's ok because the characters are by their very nature fictitious, not real and never have been. Women (and men) in porn are real - they are someone else's wife/husband/partner/daughter/mother etc. They are not the figment of an author's imagination.

Will have to ponder more on that one though....

But women and men in porn aren't really real - they are acting. I actually feel there is very little difference between the written word and visual images. Although I do take your point about the industries exploitation of people, but the attitude that it's all something a bit nasty helps to make it an underground exploitative industry

wiltshire, I have posted before about my ex's involvement in porn when I was talking about our recent court case. He and his girlfriend make sex videos and they made one every month during her pregnancy. We had to trawl the internet looking at this stuff in preparation for our court case and it was vile. They involved other people, bondage, violence etc and would not turn on anybody normal.

We felt it was child abuse before the birth. As has been said, what would the child think if they came across this when they were older?

I used to think that mild porn was harmless but it all seems different when it is someone you know. I believe that 99% of the people involved are in it for the money. If they people who look at these images were to remember that perhaps it would not turn them on so much - realising they are being suckered by these parasites.

Isn't erotic fiction simply porn for women dressed up in the more palatable format of "literature"? (and I use the term literature loosely )

I agree that, to the person using the porn, the people in the pictures aren't real, just as the characters in erotic fiction aren't.

Throw in things like the Nancy Friday books where they are real people's fantasies and it's even less clear cut.

It's not underground though. It's readily available in every service station and garage across the land. Top shelf stuff and videos are on sale in WHSmith and for rent in Blockbuster. In 2003, it's totally acceptable for the vast majority of the population.

I sometimes feel like I'm the one with the weird fetish for believing that sex is intimate, personal and private (and fantastic ).

I'm a youthworker and often have to give the sex education talks at secondary schools from a social responsibilty angle rather than the biological side of things. The concept of fidelity is totally outmoded and archaic. I'm certainly never allowed to mention abstinence as even a plausible choice.

For the young boys I talk to, pornography seems to be the only sexuality many can master. It offers easy sex with ink and electricity, instead of real skin and personality. To deal with a real girl in a caring an loving way is beyond them. They genuinely believe that real sex should be like a porn film and so everyone ends up disappointed and often hurt.

Here's another grey area, Bobsmum. What about us girls fantasising about celebrities?

Many of us Mumsnetters have admitted to impure thoughts about Sean Bean et al.

Were we being unfaithful? I don't think so.

My husband looks at porn occasionally (nothing weird!) - and was mortified when I found out and teased him about it!

I think he has a right to a private fantasy life as long as he keeps it to himself. His body is mine but his imagination is his own.

Bobsmum, it's not a weird fetish. I also believe that sex is intimate, personal and private. I just think that if, like looking at porn, it remains in the mind then there is not a problem. Looking at someone unattainable is not sex in my mind.

Nerdgirl, do you think you would actually go off with a celebrity if they asked? I think I'd be horrified (although flattered) and run a mile

I hate porn too, and think there is a big difference between acting and really being penetrated every which way by strangers. That's real enough for anyone, surely. However, I don't think feeling lustful towards others is infidelity otherwise we'd all be guilty! What about if you have a sexy dream about someone? Is that bad too?

Nah, I wouldn't Soupy. I reckon they're much better in my head - no bad habits, always say and do the right thing! Who wants to ruin that with reality?!

Maybe I should have a list though - like on Friends. You know, the five celebrities you're allowed to have sex with if the opportunity arrises!!

Definitely not saying that looking at someone and acknowledging that they are physically attractive is wrong - no no no no! Good grief, there are very few pleasures left in this world without insisting that everyone wears a bag over there head in order to avoid temptation.

But I do still think that there is a big difference between a bunch of women in a pub phowarghing over Sean Bean and a solitary male in a gents lav tugging away with a copy of dirty housewives.

eek their head.

What about a solitary female and her battery operated friend thinking about Sean Bean?

Where would you draw the line though? Somewhere between lusting after Sean Bean and hard core porn there's a wide expanse of grey area. Obviously, celebrities aren't being exploited in the same way the people in porn are... I'm not trying to compare them in that way.

My point was that, in the same was we wouldn't actually run off with Sean Bean given the opportunity, we still fantasise about him and men fantasise over unattainable porn women they wouldn't really want to run off with. If DH actually made physical contact with someone, I'd freak out but if it's in his head, there's no problem for me. I would be extremely uncomfortable if he started fantasising over real women we know though. I guess that's where my line is drawn.

Again, personally, I wouldn't do it. No matter how friendly...

Fortunately dh doesn't need batteries

But Dh isn't always there when you need him!

Absence makes the heart grow fonder and the big O last longer

The more you use a muscle, the stonger it grows!

now you sound like dh....

It's true though!

Besides, I always find my third or fourth orgasms are the best of the bunch. I don't like this 'absense' idea at all. It might be good for the heart but that doesn't mean it applies to all organs!

It's true though!

Besides, I always find my third or fourth orgasms are the best of the bunch. I don't like this 'absense' idea at all. It might be good for the heart but that doesn't mean it applies to all organs!