In the great scheme of things this is a small issue. Nothing like the strife some people have to contend with here. My husband is a supportive man, a soul mate, dedicated father. We both share the care of our 2-1/2 year old and both work part time. This works very well. All hunky dory.
But I have an issue that bothers me. I obviously don't go about it the right way. I'd like advice on how to go about it better and not engender the response that I do. Ultimately I'd like to be listened to and have my feelings acknowledged (you know, like you do with your kids as laid out in How to Talk...)
Our daughter is 2-1/2. Until she was 2 she was breastfed to sleep every time she woke up. When she was little (until 18 months) this was multiple times. Resettling took a long time sometimes. By about 8-14 months I was having a really hard time with this. I (we) chose to stick with this and ride it out because we didn't want to sleep train (I did seriously consider it at times). Thing is, she still needs us to sit by her bed until she's asleep. Now she's no longer fed to sleep my husband does this, but I sometimes do, especially if I've been working. I just feel I should.
This process can take 30 minutes after lights out, can take more than one hour. When it's bad, it frustrates me no end and
yes, I come out of the room and have a moan or want to talk about how better to do this (I do this more often than moan).
My husband either walks away from me, shuts his eyes, turns on the tv or rolls his eyes. He thinks I (his words) catastrophise, he doesn't accept that this has in some ways, and at some times this has tipped me over the edge (not seriously over the edge but shit, yes, it's bloody frustrating). I stress to him that it's a cumulative effect of such a long time lying in the dark bfeeding sometimes 4-5 times a night. And I face this all over again with No. 2.
The fact that he refuses to acknowledge how frustrated I feel leaves me feeling like a plain old nag, like I am complaining over nothing, that I'm some kind of high-maintenance, nightmarish harridan. He tells me I rant, he says he understands but that HE's had a hard day and doesn't want to listen (and he often has had a long hard day looking after her, I can't deny). I just feel painted as the 'difficult' person (a long running thing as I was hospitalised with depression while at university and have never shrugged off the 'mentally compromised' tag, even though I've been fine since).
I am just fed up with the hours spent wrangling a child to bed. I do AP, have never had a pram, still bfeed and take my
child on outings on the days he's sleeping off a night shift so he has peace and quiet. I am no slouch or moaner! (I'm not wearing my martyrs' badge, just explaining)
Of course, this comes up if it's been a bad settle and we get nowhere. I then spend an hour or so seething. And then those few hours I do have with my husband alone are then wasted.
Irony is that since he's started putting her to bed on the awkward nights HE comes out moaning about it. When I pointed this out to him he stormed off, saying "don't speak to me like that".
I am 20 weeks pregnant. I am (like my first) sick twice a day and feel sick on and off all the time. I am prepared to accept I might be blowing this out of proportion, but I felt this way before I became pregnant.
How do I stop feeling so resentful over this? Ultimately the way I speak shuts him off. He said once something similar about
his mother, I'm guessing I remind him of this.