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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have 2 men in my life and now i need to decide which one i want to be with!!

104 replies

FeelingOld · 21/03/2011 10:11

I have been a lone parent of 2 kids for almost 5 years now. At roughly the same time my exh left me a friend of mine left her husband and their 2 boys. As you can imagine me and her husband were both devastated (both our exs left us cos they had met someone else) and upon a chance meeting we got chatting and have been very good friends ever since, we got each other through the bad times, cried down the phone to each other in the middle of the night etc. We have also been on days out together with our kids (now aged 11 - 17) and even been on weekends away. He is a lovely man and i dont know how i would have got through the first year without him. We are good friends but nothing more.......
Anyway about a year and a half ago i was on a girls night out, I met a nice man and we have been seeing each other since, he lives 30 miles away so we only see each other at weekends so I still do stuff with my friend (will call him C)in the week and on the odd weekend when dp is working. My new dp is a lovely man too, he treats me and the kids well and would do anything for me and I love him. He has 2 bad points, he is rubbish with money and has quite a lot of debt and he smokes.
This weekend dp was working so me and C and the kids went out and while the kids were ice skating he had a heart to heart with me and told me that he has fallen in love with me. I was gobsmacked!! I have never thought of him in this way but after having a long hard think about it I am not sure if i actually fallen for him too.

My dp is lovely, but we dont see each other much and i worry about our future as he has no money, a rubbish job and what money he does have he spends on fags and booze and likes to go out every weekend drinking and can be very loud. Sex is quite infrequent too (he is 11 years older than me and has a much much lower sex drive) but he is always there for me, he looked after me last year when i was very ill with swine flu and I do love him.
But my friend C is much more like me, he is quiet, hard working, we enjoy quiet meals out together and chatting and is the total opposite to dp.

I am so so confused now. I love my dp but I have very strong feelings for my lovely friend too. I just dont know what to do.

OP posts:
Mymymble · 19/04/2011 02:25

Go to bed with c before you finish with DP. That will be the deal breaker. C sounds lovely but he may be kidding himself he's in love with you because he's scared of losing his BF to OM. Please. Send kids to relatives & check out whether the chemistry's there in RL. Fair does, OM don't sound ideal but how many of us do and he has deep feelings like the rest of us.

PorkChopSter · 19/04/2011 02:51

Sorted Grin I love it when a plan comes together.

FabbyChic · 19/04/2011 07:17

What a lovely story. I really hope things work out well for you.

You have a great basis for a relationship as you were friends first for a very long time.

Good luck!

Dozer · 19/04/2011 16:15

Yay!

shrinkingnora · 19/04/2011 16:44

I love this thread - the honesty and integrity shown by all parties has really restored my faith in human nature. I was friends with my DH for a year before he said ' I really like you and want to have a relationship with you' (I had never previously thought if him that way) - we're having a party for our tenth wedding anniversary next month Grin

oldwomaninashoe · 19/04/2011 17:04

Aww this thread is just luvverly!

Original poster
FeelingOld · 19/04/2011 17:16

Thanks everyone for your kind replies.
Mymymble no way could i have slept with C whilst still being with my partner, I was cheated on by my ex-h and I could not do that to anyone.

Tea is in the oven and C and his boys will be here in half hour. I am so nervous, yet I cook tea pretty much for them every fortnight but tonight just seems so different. Even got the 'Nigella' book out to find a lovely recipe.

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 19/04/2011 19:12

I hope you have a nice evening.

TimeForMeIsFree · 19/04/2011 19:17

I'm loving your thread. I'm looking forward to the wedding thread too. Have a lovely evening Smile

Original poster
FeelingOld · 19/04/2011 20:49

Hahaha, you lot getting me married off already? Grin

We had a lovely evening, had tea, it turned out perfect.Everyone enjoyed it and ate loads.
Kids went round the park and had a game of footie which gave us half and hour to have a chat and a snog Smile

Am sat down now with a cuppa in my pyjamas feeling pretty happy.

OP posts:
Doha · 19/04/2011 21:08
Smile lovely thread gives me a warm fuzzy feeling.

Going to buy a hat-just for the futire mind

TimeForMeIsFree · 19/04/2011 21:44

I've been googling wedding frocks, all ready for the thread to appear in style and beauty Grin

I'm happy you are happy, this is a lovely thread.

LifeMovesOn · 19/04/2011 22:22

Glad it all went well. Looking forward to the next instalment Grin

OTheHugeManatee · 20/04/2011 13:26

So glad things are going well for you FO. Enjoy! Smile

Original poster
FeelingOld · 26/06/2011 12:12

Thought i would just update you all again seeing as you all gave me so many good wishes before.

My relationship with C is going brilliantly........ We were finding it difficult to get to spend any time alone together so decided to tell our 4 kids only 2 weeks ago that we are 'dating' (didnt want to tell them before until we were both more certain that this is what we wanted) and the eldest just said to his dad 'its ok dad, we all guessed weeks ago!'
Anyway C took me away for the weekend this weekend and i got home just an hour ago and we had a lovely romantic weekend just being lazy and happy. Things have changed so much during the last 3 months but we are both very very happy and looking forward to the future. I have to keep pinching myself to make sure i am not dreaming cos my best friend has turned out to be my soul mate.

OP posts:
totallylost · 26/06/2011 13:00

What a lovely happy thread, this has made my day FeelingOld, now all you have to do is change that username!!

Portofino · 26/06/2011 13:15

Aw - that is lovely! I hope everything works out well for the future!

Original poster
FeelingOld · 26/06/2011 15:31

Thanks totallylost and portofino

I have had a tough few years and so has C so i think we deserve a little happiness for a change.

OP posts:
Ambers123 · 26/06/2011 18:06

AWW what a dilemia for you , but I think C sounds like your man as you seemto know him well and know he will be there for you through thick and thin, however your new man is still that,NEW, take your time dont be rushed by anyone, let alone the men in your life, you sound a lovley lady and been through alot , it is up to you who you choose to be with. Good luck with this anyway .

Ambers123 · 26/06/2011 18:08

Sorry just read your update, soo pleased for you both wish you health and happiness x

M0naLisa · 26/06/2011 18:36

Awww what a lovely story.

I wish you both all the best xx

M0naLisa · 26/06/2011 18:36

Awww what a lovely story.

I wish you both all the best xx

MrsSharp · 26/06/2011 18:51

This is just tooooooooooooo lovely!!!! I really hope it all works out for you all!

UnlikelyAmazonian · 26/06/2011 19:04

{sobs, reaches for kleenex} well done both of you. What a great tale. Everything crossed for you both. Keep kissing.

Dozer · 26/06/2011 19:11

Lovely update, is nice to hear some cheery news, have a good summer!

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