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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have 2 men in my life and now i need to decide which one i want to be with!!

104 replies

FeelingOld · 21/03/2011 10:11

I have been a lone parent of 2 kids for almost 5 years now. At roughly the same time my exh left me a friend of mine left her husband and their 2 boys. As you can imagine me and her husband were both devastated (both our exs left us cos they had met someone else) and upon a chance meeting we got chatting and have been very good friends ever since, we got each other through the bad times, cried down the phone to each other in the middle of the night etc. We have also been on days out together with our kids (now aged 11 - 17) and even been on weekends away. He is a lovely man and i dont know how i would have got through the first year without him. We are good friends but nothing more.......
Anyway about a year and a half ago i was on a girls night out, I met a nice man and we have been seeing each other since, he lives 30 miles away so we only see each other at weekends so I still do stuff with my friend (will call him C)in the week and on the odd weekend when dp is working. My new dp is a lovely man too, he treats me and the kids well and would do anything for me and I love him. He has 2 bad points, he is rubbish with money and has quite a lot of debt and he smokes.
This weekend dp was working so me and C and the kids went out and while the kids were ice skating he had a heart to heart with me and told me that he has fallen in love with me. I was gobsmacked!! I have never thought of him in this way but after having a long hard think about it I am not sure if i actually fallen for him too.

My dp is lovely, but we dont see each other much and i worry about our future as he has no money, a rubbish job and what money he does have he spends on fags and booze and likes to go out every weekend drinking and can be very loud. Sex is quite infrequent too (he is 11 years older than me and has a much much lower sex drive) but he is always there for me, he looked after me last year when i was very ill with swine flu and I do love him.
But my friend C is much more like me, he is quiet, hard working, we enjoy quiet meals out together and chatting and is the total opposite to dp.

I am so so confused now. I love my dp but I have very strong feelings for my lovely friend too. I just dont know what to do.

OP posts:

NettleTea · 16/04/2011 12:14

hope you have fun. I think you have made the right choice!

amberleaf · 16/04/2011 12:34

Yay! just read the whole thread and have been hoping it went this way

Have fun!

FAB5 · 16/04/2011 12:44

I was going to suggest you finish with your DP and just see how things went with the other guy but you go girl!

boxingHelena · 16/04/2011 12:55

I have just now discovered this thread, OP such a great sweet story and I wanted wish you all the best! How exciting.
I love the feeling of realisation of what maybe was always there but till he spoke up you didnt see it!
Dear me I got butterfly in MY tammy just thinking about it

IslaValargeone · 16/04/2011 13:02

OOh just read the whole thread.
I was initially going to say dump dp anyway irrespective of what may or may not happen with C because there's no future in it. Crap with money and a drinker etc...no way lady.
I'm now very excited that you have butterflies with C :o Have fun and keep us posted.

BertieBotts · 16/04/2011 13:08

Aww that sounds lovely :) FWIW the way you describe your friend "c" is very much how things happened between me and my bf. It's been 6 months now and we are still very happy. There was a blip at the start when like someone above said, he was putting on a different persona trying to be the 'perfect' bf but when I said no I don't have any different expectations we both relaxed a lot more and it's just gone really well from there. You do have to keep talking though.

I hope your date goes well tonight :)

SJisontheway · 16/04/2011 13:30

Oooh. If this has a happy ending it would make a great soppy daytime tv movie. Best of luck op. Fwiw I think you've made the right decision. I think you have treated dp very respectfully. Plenty of others would have had their cake.

PollyLogos · 16/04/2011 13:37

This is a lovely story I hope you have a great time tonight!

Original poster

FeelingOld · 16/04/2011 16:58

Thanks everyone

I am very nervous though, its stupid really cos the 2 of us have been out about 20 times before for a meal together but this time is just so different.
C just text me to say how much he is looking forward to tonight and i must admit that i am too, i feel like a teenager going on a first date.
I have even bought new underwear, what the hell is that about?? :)

OP posts:

amberleaf · 16/04/2011 17:20

Again......yaaaaay !!!!

So pleased for you!

FAB5 · 16/04/2011 17:26

Nice underwear makes you feel good and if you want to have sex it is one less thing to worry about.

FWIW I went on a kind of blind date and didn't fancy him at all. He was a lovely guy though and asked me out. Neither of us were sure but we started going out and 15 years later we are happily married with three children!

The point being you might not have had a lustful thought about C before but that doesn't matter.

Original poster

FeelingOld · 17/04/2011 09:02

Well its update time again!!

C picked me up and commented on how beautiful i looked!! He looked fab, he scrubs up quite well actually

We went for a drink then he took me for an Indian meal (my favourite), it was lovely, food was fab, company was lovely and we just chatted the whole time. The evening went so so quickly.
No kids at my house (dd on sleepover, ds at his dads) so we went back to mine for a coffee .
Well as some of you suggested we had a snog and the butterflies in my stomach were going mad!!! And to cut a long story short we went to bed and it was fantastic. He did have to get up and go home though as his boys were expecting him.
He text me at 7 this morning to tell me what a brilliant night he had and that he is glad he plucked up the courage to tell me how he feels.
I cant stop smiling, even the thought of having to mow the lawn (hate gardening) cant dampen my spirits today

OP posts:

LifeMovesOn · 17/04/2011 09:56

Have a perfect evening :)

hairylights · 17/04/2011 10:23

:) fantastic! So pleased for you.

SJisontheway · 17/04/2011 10:35

Sounds perfect!

BelleDameSansMerci · 17/04/2011 10:38

Yay!

willdo · 17/04/2011 11:03

I'm so pleased for you, lovely story, bet you're feelingyoung now.

Original poster

FeelingOld · 17/04/2011 11:14

Willdo - yeah i am feelingyoung, i feel like a teenager maybe i shouldnt call myself feelingold any more!!

OP posts:

PhishFoodAddiction · 17/04/2011 11:58

What a lovely story. Best of luck with C, you sound very happy!

QwertyQueen · 17/04/2011 12:53

wow, what a great unfolding of events :)
glad it went so well!!!!!

FAB5 · 17/04/2011 16:12

Adversecamber · 17/04/2011 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

FeelingOld · 17/04/2011 17:18

Adversecamber - Oh bless you with a tear in your eye. Am glad it all worked out so well for you.

I truly can not believe that i never ever thought of C in this way until he told me how he felt, until then he was just C, my best mate. Oh how things have changed.
Wont see him now til tues when him and the boys come round for tea. Its gonna be really difficult to keep me hands off him though!!

OP posts:

boxingHelena · 17/04/2011 17:58

this is going to be an exciting time for you, enjoy!

boxingHelena · 17/04/2011 17:58

suggesting ofr name change without changing the name
felinGold?
ha ha a bit corny maybe but still

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