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Relationships

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Original poster

Odd question - why DON'T you cheat on your partner?

91 replies

happiestblonde · 09/03/2011 10:58

DP claims to have not found another woman attractive since he met me - he is faithful because he feels incapable of being attracted to another woman because I captivate him sexually/mentally etc, more than just because he loves me and wouldn't wreck our rather wonderful relationship.

I love this, but I don't know if I could echo it. I am faithful to him because a)I love him and wouldn't out of respect for him b) I don't want to c) No man compares to him - that's not to say I couldn't see other men as attractive

I wanted MNer takes on this. Are you faithful out of a moral desire for honesty, because you wouldn't want to wreck your family or becasue your DP/H is the only attractive person alive to you?

OP posts:

Lizzylou · 09/03/2011 18:18

Talleyrand yes, sometimes people "just fall in love" but I think that if you are already in a committed relationship that you are not so open to that. You are not giving of the "I'm available" signals and cannot (or don't want to) spot the "I want you" signals from others.

I can't see how you could get so far as to "fall in love" with another man when you are so happy in your own relationship.

And surely lust/sex would come first in any event?

At the end of the day, DH is the only man I want to hear snore, the only man who has seen and supported me give birth to our children (and the horrors that that involved)and the only man who I feel completely and utterly comfortable to my life with.

It would take a lot, a lightening bolt to outweigh that.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 09/03/2011 19:02

Agree that there are hundreds of choices and decisions made before falling in love - that doesn't just happen, just as affairs never "just happen". However, not all affairs or infidelity involve love at all.

OP I think it's interesting and a worry for you that your P seems to be putting the responsibility on to you in part, for his fidelity. What happens when you no longer captivate him mentally and sexually then, because that might happen at some point, especially if your current focus changes, you get older and your relationship has more longevity? I hope you don't feel pressurised to be the perfect woman, because actually infidelity is a personal choice. No-one can prevent it or control it in another person.

I'd be rather more reassured by a personal set of beliefs and a moral compass that prevents infidelity, or a belief that it can never be justified.

bumpsoon · 09/03/2011 19:36

Honestly? its down to an old fashioned and boring case of morals , if i ever felt that i was so attracted to someone else and saw a future with that person ,i would end the relationship with DH first .

NinkyNonker · 09/03/2011 19:46

I just can't imagine being with anyone else. Of course I see good looking men and admire them, but am not attracted to them...makes me feel vaguely ill. Just the thought of it makes me feel cold.

I couldn't do it to him either, I couldn't lie to him and I certainly couldn't see his face when he found out.

Besides, I love him and don't want anyone else.

FourFortyFour · 09/03/2011 19:48

Because I couldn't live with myself.

Because no one compares to him.

Because you can't unbreak your wedding vows.

pozzled · 09/03/2011 19:50

Other men are attractive, but they don't make me feel the way DH does. I have no desire to be with anyone else, I only want DH because I love him.

Maiidamess · 09/03/2011 19:51

Because it would only take 3 weeks of being with someone else before they were perched on the edge of the bed clippping their toenails

NinkyNonker · 09/03/2011 19:51

Oh, and I choose not to. We all have choices.

Particles · 09/03/2011 19:56

Because I have children and they and their father are far, far more important to me than any hot young thing who might stroll past. No matter what I might giggle to my friends on a night out!

bran · 09/03/2011 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FancyALittle · 09/03/2011 20:02

Because I love him so much, I would never want to be without him. We have been through so much in our relatively short 6 years together and noone else could understand.

Also, when we got married we promised to stay together 'forsaking all others'. Any flirty spark is irrelevant because I have vowed to put my husband above everyone else.

So on top of appreciating him entirely, I have promised to put him first always and I endeavour to stand by that promise and expect him to do the same.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/03/2011 20:04

I often see men and think 'crikey he is good looking'. But to be honest I have never had the sledgehammer over the head feeling I had when I first saw DP - I thought he was gorgeous when I first met him 5 years ago, think he is even more so now.

So, I have no desire to sleep with anyone else. Plus I wouldn't want to as DP and I know each other so well, and trust each other enormously. He is my best friend and I like him as well as love him. I just couldn't do something so destructive and awful to him. He would be so upset.

Plus, I loathe lying, and an affair imo is just one big fat lie.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/03/2011 20:06

What a lovely load of posts - a nice positive thread (makes a change on the relationships topic)

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 09/03/2011 20:09

I have seen very beautiful men since I met DH,
I have chatted to totally charming men,
however dh is the one I married, he is the one I love,
and knowing that he loves me is more of a turn on than a pretty face or smooth talking.

I enjoy the flirty bit the giggle when you meet someone, thankfully I have male friends who I can have a harmless flirt with.

Lizzylou · 09/03/2011 20:30

Maiidamess, that is so true.
I was trying to say, but however beautiful, alluring and tempting another man is, he'll still pick his nose/snore/have skid marks in his pants and expect you to wash them,/you'll still have colour by numbers easy married sex one day and couldn't work out how to put it.

You captured it in a nutshell.

Even though it is me who does the toenail thing

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/03/2011 21:32

because i love him and it would destroy him, just as if he was unfaithful, it would cut me up :(

we have mutual love and respect for each other - been together for nearly 20years

he is my rock and soul mate, yet we are very chalk and cheese - they do say opposites attract :0

obv affairs do happen :( and the faithful one feels that their relationship was perfect, but it rarely is - i think there is a reason why someone cheats

and yes there are times a man may catch my eye, but thats all it is, a look, you may chat to the opposite sex in a pub etc, but once you swap number etc then the intention is there

to me doesnt make any difference if you just kiss or have a full blown affair - it is still cheating and being unfaithful

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 09/03/2011 22:41

Blondes lots of unfaithful partners will tell you that there was nothing wrong with their marriage, but will admit that there was something wrong with them personally for a time. It's really not as rare as you seem to think.

garlicbutter · 09/03/2011 23:35

Can I just say "aaah" :) :)
What a lovely thread!

PurplePillow · 09/03/2011 23:42

Have never cheated on any man I have had a relationship with and never would.

Dp and I have only been together a few weeks and between his working hours and me running after 2 kids and caring for DM it is hard enough to find time for us without trying to find time for another man

Snowdropfairy · 10/03/2011 00:08

Because i promised i would not - I'm married.

If i thout i could not keep that promise i would not have got married.

I have never felt attracted to another man in the 7 years i have been with my DH. I dont think that i ever will be.

I'm very picky in the people i let into my life and i picked my husband. We are a family and i do not want anything to change that. I just could not do it.

I also trust my husband and i think he is the same as me. He just couldn't do it.

Also my mum and dad have been married for 48 years and his mum and dad 45 years. We have had good role mobles

Morloth · 10/03/2011 07:42

Because I love him and I made him promises in our wedding vows that I would be all his (and vice versa).

We have both had the opportunity, we are both averagely attractive and have been propositioned. I have found other men attractive but have never once even contemplated cheating.

We are good together, our lives are pretty damned perfect IMO. How fortunate is that? It would be madness to throw that away. And it would be over, completely over to break trust like that is unforgiveable in my books.

Original poster

happiestblonde · 10/03/2011 13:24

WWIFN I wouldn't. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't cheat because he feels it is morally wrong or he 'shouldn't', or because it would risk something - I don't want it to be such a rational decision. I trust my DP wholeheartedly and I think my use of the word 'captivate' was misleading in my OP - if you knew my DP it would make more sense, he's a rather loquatious academic and such words come easily - what I meant was he loves me in a way that other women do not exist in any sexual sense and that is not just because of our physical attraction it's because of a connection and a love that excludes anyone else entering that part of his mind.

OP posts:

MamaLazarou · 10/03/2011 13:34

Because he is enough for me - there isn't anything I need from a man that I can't get from him.

joanne34 · 10/03/2011 13:42

It's about a low as you can go, and very few people deserve that kind of treatment !

noddyholder · 10/03/2011 13:44

I am completely happy with dp and tbh am not really interested in other men apart from as mates. Have never met anyone who was interesting or attractive enough in comaprison to even consider it. I too would leave him before I would betray him justbfrom a moral pov it's just not me

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