How do you cope with people you just won't stop talking?

[neolara]

I've been wondering how others deal with people who talk non stop. I don't mean chatty people who talk a lot, but who have genuine conversations. I mean the kind of person who talks "at" you, instead of "with" you. The one who goes on and on without really seeming to notice that your eyes have glazed over. Often their non-stop talking dominates to such an extent, it is difficult for others a group situation to have conversations between themselves.

I know a few people like this, and I find them very difficult. Even if what they say is genuinely amusing and witty, I end up feeling frustrated and annoyed because it seems so one-sided. My current coping mechanism is to just let them get on with it and I fall silent. However, I think this is a pretty unproductive response. I just feel cross, they carry on blissfully unaware, the situation continues.

Now obviously I could just avoid these people, but sometimes this is not possible. Also I suspect other people have ways of communicating with "non-stop talkers" which make for more successful and interesting conversations. So that's what I'm looking for. Survival tips. So what do you do?

blueberry

i have a friend who comes over to chat then i ask her questions and she gives me one word answers. she offers hardly any info or thoughts or questions voluntarily. i get very frustrated and end up talking more, after all it's supposed to be a chatting session

drives me nuts. same on the phone. most of the time it's is just annoying, sometimes it's actually painful.
she leaves or we hang up and i think wtaf was that for again?

i think our relationship works best when we need help. I love her dearly but it's more of a practical relationship. not a go out together one. if i had to spend a week on holiday with her I'd go mental

Yes, that's exactly what I mean. :) like I wrote, I am guilty of doing this too so another person like me is super awkward. I love having talkative friends.

here i am then!

I am married to one... what really gets me is if we are in a group of people and I start saying something that happened to me and I have just told him about it, he will interrupt and take over even though he doesn't know it first hand.
drives me nuts

I find ear plugs helpful. My husband never ever takes a breath and if I try to speak he cuts me off. I have longish hair so he doesn't notice.

Uh huh. Uh huh. That's nice. Zone out

Oh God I work with a woman like this - and every anecdote starts with "Anyway, to cut a long story short....". One of these days I will explode and scream "BUT YOU NEVER DO"

I think you just have to pull them up on it. Confrontation is difficult but it needs to be done

4 year old thread

This thread must be cathartic as it has been resurrected so many times.

My Mum yaps on about shite all the time. Plus god help me she repeats herself.
It was hardly interesting the first time so certainly is not the 10th time.
She doesn't have dementia, she's just self absorbed.

I stop responding and get my phone out. She still carries on.

Trying to get away or get her off the phone is a nightmare, no matter how many times I say I've got to go. Just keeps on and on about stuff and people I have zero interest in.

My husband is made of stronger stuff, he just tells her he is not interested and walks away.

I don't remember the last time she asked me about my life or my work.

Bless her my mother's like this. She starts the MOMENT I step over the threshold! I've learned over the years (when I felt my ears would bleed with the constant cacophony) to nip it in the bud. Later when she's meandering I'll listen for a short while before bringing her back to the point about what we really need to discuss.

She also has a long memory for hurts real or not so much from decades ago and I've now got to the point where I say we've talked about this enough times now - don't want to hear it any more. We can't change the past and please can we move on from here?

On phone calls now my (planned) cue that I'm about to close the conversation is "I've got to go now" in the knowledge she'll have two or three more things to say before we hang up. We both get on better now..

TheGoddessFrigg, I used to do that all the time. I got that saying from my mother. LOL! I still tell long , pointless stories, but not as often as I used to. My friends and relatives probably felt like you though. JUST GET TO THE POINT!!!! HA!

I know it's a zombie, but it's relevant!

Lady at my hobby does this, no filter. Literally collars the first person she sees and starts talking about something that happened on her car journey in. Poor kid looked bemused!

A colleague should have been a filibusterer in the olden days. When I chaired meetings, I'd cut him off and he got all annoyed. I'd be like 'Yeah, but we need to finish at 4 and this is the 6th time you've asked to speak about the SAME thing exactly! We heard and agreed the first time!'

My dm monologues, seriously annoying, you can't watch TV with her. I get 15 seconds to answer her question before she starts telling me something related she's told me dozens of time before. I fear I have taken to stopping her and saying You asked me a question and don't have the courtesy to wait for me to answer before interrupting to tell me the same thing AGAIN that you did twenty times before '. She's learning not to do it now but still needs reminders. She does not have dementia!

Very interesting thread resurrected at a very apt time for me as I returned from visiting my elderly dm last night and I am still suffering the after effects of all her non stop talking. Like ginnyoo8 mum she bombards me as soon as I get in the door and then goes at it non stop. I arrived at 4.30 pm and left the same time next day and the only time I had any peace was once we were both in bed. Mainly it is a monologue, she will be telling me something then goes off in multiple different directions and I get completely confused as to where it is all leading, it has no direction, point or reason and within 10 minutes my head is spinning. It is impossible to change the subject as she may pause for a second and carry on like a dog with a bone. At times I try to switch off, look at my phone, pick up a magazine, even leave the room and she will simply carry on. She gets offended very easily so there is no point in telling her to stop, she is very critical of me and of everyone else in the family, hardly ever a nice thing to say about anyone. In family company she is a conversation monopoliser and it is impossible to talk to anyone else in the room as she either wants to lead all conversations or tries to change them to completely random things. Everything comes back to her whatever we talk about and in the end you simply give up trying to talk . It continues in the car, she has to comment on every random thing which is very difficult when at times you have to concentrate. You cannot put the radio on as she would tell me you are trying to stop me talking. God help me if I do not agree with everything she says as she then tells me I am being contrary! I have read up and it would appear she is a thought verbaliser, which can get worse as people age. She was always very chatty and had strong opinions on everything, but it is unbearably worse now. Short visits are the way to go but unfortunately I do not live close enough for that. She does have friends and I do wonder if she is as bad with them, I have seen her interact with them and she seems to be able to take turns with the conversation then. Which leads me to the conclusion this is something she does with her own children as to control them, unfortunately we have let her get away with it too long. Sadly I always come away from a visit feeling bad about myself.

The worst was talking to my dmil, who I love dearly, but if I said 'Yes, you told me this last time', she'd ignore and be determined to finish the same anecdote which I'd heard countless times previously. She was relentless!