married, kissed a man, please help sort my head out. :(

[MessedUp29]

Im a regular, but namechanged for obvious reasons.

I've got a lot going on in my life right now and I know none of these things excuse what I've done, I'm just trying to put you in my mind. I'm 29 and I care for my granddad who has alzheimers. I've recently had a car accident and had a bad injury to my knee. And now I've found a lump in my breast, which I'm waiting to have a scan on.

I'm married, I've been with my husband since we were 15 and I have 2 dc. I've recently lost a lot of weight and with that I've found a lot of confidence that I didn't have before.

Anyway, around Christmas time, I started texting a boy at work. Innocent at first, then I told him about a not so innocent dream I had about him and it railroaded from there. We text a lot of steamy stuff to each other and we kissed one night at work. And twice since. Nothing more.

Anyway, he has said that it can't happen again, even though he wants it to, because I'm married and I agree. And although I love my husband.... Oh god this sounds really shallow of me, I love my husband. He is a wonderful man, treats me like a princess and he is the perfect role model father. But his body doesn't turn me on any more, and I am crying writing this.

Yesterday was this boys 21st birthday. He has model looks, someone I never thought would in a million years go for me. A washboard body and eyes that make you melt. And now I've started falling for him. At first it was a release from my life. I could get lost in the texts not thinking about what else was going on.

Last night I text him saying that he was right, we can't do anything else. And I told him I was falling for him. I've had no reply. Now my mind is totally screwed up and I can't stop thinking about him.

Please don't judge me, I know what a crap person I am right now.

Please help me.
How do I stop thinking about him?
How do I sort my head out?

It sounds as if your married/family life is quite demanding - even dismal - at the moment. I quite understand why you might be tempted by a young and attractive man.

You are not a crap person. Just a young woman who wants to enjoy herself and feel young and attractive. That is normal!

What could your DH do for you to find him more attractive?

you may not have to do anything
he may just have stopped it for you

It's not surprising you want to get away from it all but the reality is that this could make your life so much worse. You really think you can trust this boy with tour marriage?

The fact is you have to just stop. It will be hard bacause it's making you feel good, but there is no other way.

aw love!, you've had your head turned by a handsome young guy!, you sound infatuated!

you know if you carry on down this road only heartache lies ahead!, delete his number and get your marraige back on track - are you really willing to lose everything you have, a lovely husband, happy children and a loving home all for the sake of a quick shag?

if you try hard, you WILL forget this bloke, move on and put it down to experience!

oh, and btw, dont beat yourself up too hard, you are only human and we all do bloody daft things - its how you react next that will define you and your life to come!

I think you can pretty much imagine the respose if a married man came on here saying he no longer found his wife's body attractive and had started lusting after a younger model. I'm not sure it would start with "what can your wife do to make herself more attractive"!

The young guy represents a fantasy, an escape from reality. People who turn fantasy in to reality are generally disappointed with the result.

I can't delete his number, I work with him, I need it to contact him about shifts. We're bar staff in a really nice place.

I worked till 2am last night, hubby went to work early this morning so I've got the DC, and literally as I am typing this, my granddad has come here for the third time today. Saying the same things as he did the other two times.

Yes I'm infatuated with this boy. And it's killing me to admit he's right. You are all right, I know that, it could get a whole lot worse, and luckily we've only kissed. I should be able to just walk away. But it's so heartbreaking. I WANT to be with him. My heart races when I'm with him, but its so wrong. He just takes me away from everything, and I hate that I want that.

Bluegrass, I agree 100%.
I don't want my husband to change. Its not him that needs changing. It's me.

OP is still really young and has been with dh long time. By the sound of things she also feels more attractive now than she has felt in a long time. Her hormones are racing. Don't flame me, she could have a fling. Thing is that this sounds like something she would not be able to control. Also she sees boy through work so can be just one off done and dusted.
Saying that even if she pass on this chance it is bound to happen again and again till she gather the courage of going through with it, or she meet a less scrupulous man. As I said before, she is far too young to stick to a man that she doesn't feel attracted to any longer.
I get my coat........

You're right, it is fantasy, and I'm a firm believer in the saying "if you water your own damn grass it will be just as green".

I've got myself into a position where I am resenting anyone that's taking up my time, or asking me to do something for them. The day I had the car accident, I asked DH to pick the oldest up from school for me to get away. I took the youngest in the car and ended up 200 miles away. Had the car accident there, which wasn't my fault, and it just hit home to me, like I'm not meant to get away. Like this is it now. Stuck here doing stuff for others. Everyone knows if they want something, I will do it for them, but I never seem to have anyone there when I need help. I can't talk to anyone about this in RL. He knows what's going on. I just wish I could.... Oh I don't know what I wish anymore. I just feel so shit. :(

should read CANNOT instead on can

I just want to add, that I've never done anything like this before. DH is the only man I've slept with, and I've only kissed 6 in total. I've been completely faithful to my husband until this.

Although I want to have sex with him, i don't want to because it's only ever been my husband and I don't want to change that. I would love to get to 70 and say it's only been my husband, but at the moment, I'm so curious as to what it's like with someone else. And this boy does stuff to me, that I haven't felt in a very long time. It hurts me to admit that, but I'm trying to be honest. I'm hoping that if I write all this down, I can shut the door on it and move on. But it's not working at the moment.

I feel so low for even thinking about doing this, let alone the fact that I kissed him.

I want to have a fling with him, I really do. He has turned my head. But I mustn't. That's it. If you've been in this situation, and you were strong enough to walk away, how long did it take you to forget him, and were things ever right again between you and your DH?

I'm scared that I won't feel the same about DH like I did before.

love - talk to your dh, you sound frazzled and very down and tbh its making you very vulnerable to this guys attention - i think dh needs to help you learn to say NO and mean it when you are asked to do too much - im not surpirsed you are almost falling into this guys arms, i think most of us would be too in the same circumstances!

I do feel very vulnerable right now. Ive talked to DH and he said I need to say no, but I can't, I feel guilty for letting people down. My granddad lives only a few doors away and a few months before christmas had his car taken off him because of the alzheimers. He has four children, but they don't do much, and I hate seeing him upset that they don't go there very often, and he forgets that he's been here, so comes around all the time. I can't say no when it comes to him.

And then there's this boy. Who I get lost in. I forget it all, and it's all so wrong. I'm worried about this lump Ive found, and yeah, I want to forget it all. I want to get away from it all. I want out sometimes.

I try so hard to be perfect.
House is always immaculate, food is always home cooked, washing is always done. People are always ferried around here there and everywhere, because I drive and they don't. I haven't got any friends, because my life is so hectic, I haven't had time to keep in touch. I'm busy all the time.

I know there are people in far worse situations than me, but I cant help wanting to get away. I think the only thing that stopped me, well, us, from going further is the fact that there are cameras where we work. I was so weak, that I think I would've. :(

Your life sounds really hard right now I can understand that you want some escape and a cute fit guy looks like a nice daydream. You may be mourning your lost youth a little too, been with H a long time, kids, family demands etc. You have to get help with your grandfather.

However................

If you go further with this young man how will your life improve?

You H may hate you, want a divorce, fighting, arguing etc over children. Friends & family will take sides, work colleagues will take sides. Cute guy may get bored after the catch and wave bye bye.

All the nasty crappy horrible things that come with an affair etc.

Plus

On top of that you will STILL have all the demands from your family and children.

Forget the young man. That is a symptom of your problems.

You need to learn to say no. You need to tell people that YOU need help and support you cannot provide a never ending supply for everyone else it is killing you. No one knows unless you tell them. If you act superwoman they will think this is what you are.

You need to talk to your H. Sort your relationship out honestly for better or divorce.

If young man is still there after go for it.

Hello OP. I had to namechange as well for this but: I've been there. Fell in love with someone after being in a relationship for 13 years (since I was 17) and it was totally all-consuming and we only ever just kissed but it messed up my head big time. It ended in tears and heart-break and, because we both let it drag out for far too long, it is still making me hurt an awful lot. It can't end well. So either way, you are going to suffer. I'd suggest to be strong and end it now. It seems like your young man is sensible and understands the implications so take his lead and step away as quick as you can. I am forever grateful to the person I fell in love with because he was the same: we both understood how difficult it would be but that it couldn't go any further. And struggled and struggled and managed to stay friends without ruining our lives. Try and work it out at home. There is always a way, especially since your DH is a good man that you love and respect. There is a way, you'll find out sooner or later. Good luck.

you drive people around who arent your friends? wtf
let the house get a mess - no one said a ta funeral "oh her house was always clean"

It's lust pure and simple, a fantsy and the reality is if you were with the other man the feelings you have won't last. You said your DH treats you like a princess and is an excellent father - that is what is important. You will travel a long way to find this in anyone else - focus on the many good things about your relationship.

Don't be fooled in to thinking that other people lives are perfect and full of mad passion, amazing friends - it's not like that.

Don't spoil what you have for a meaningless fling with the other man - at 21 he won't really want to commit to you, harsh I know but true.

You must get over him (and you will)

PFF xxx

You all talk a lot of sense.
I guess I do need to move on, I just can't help checking my phone all the time for those texts. Plus the consequences of us being found out would be devastating. My family all love DH, and I know they would all take his side, so not only would I lose my DH who is my best friend, I would lose his family, that ive known so long for, that they are my family, but I would lose my family too. My boys would hate me, and everyone would look at me with accusing eyes. I know all this would happen. I would be hated.

It was really fun while it lasted.

BUT.... When I tryreally hard (it's difficult at the moment), but when I do try hard, I can remember all the fantastic things I have done with DH and they far outweigh everything. Yet, I can't remember ever being excited like I am with this boy. Surely this is just because it's wrong? And sneaking around is exciting? I don't know.

Mourning my lost youth? I certainly lost my youth. I was brought up my my grandparents. My nan died of cancer when I was only 17, leaving me to care for my grandfather, who has always been disabled but now has alzheimers too. So I've never had a youth to begin with. And yes, now it's all got too much,i want to be out there.

The funeral comment about having a really clean house made me :)!

How do I shut these feelings off?
I've told him that I'm falling for him. I thought it would scare him off, but he said it didn't scare him, that he secretly likes that I am crazy for him. Every time I get a text, my heart smiles. Does that make sense? That my heart smiles? Cos that's how it feels. I asked him to tell me to fuck off yesterday, so I can get on with my life and forget him, but he can't. It would be easier if he did that. He knows nothing more can happen, he was the one who said it first, and I know nothing more can happen, but I still really want him in my life. Can we be just friends after this?

No, definitely 100% not.

:(

Sorry to be harsh,but you are playing with fire, and if you really don't want to lose your DH of COURSE you can't be friends with this guy, sounds like an enjoyable teenage type fantasy but knock it n the head now.

Texting and 'asking him to tell you to fuck off' do not make a real relationship, it's just a silly game.

And Sorry if I sound mean. Its just this is not healthy for you, or your children, and just strikes me as wallowing and playing silly games which will end in tears.