married, kissed a man, please help sort my head out. :(

[MessedUp29]

Im a regular, but namechanged for obvious reasons.

I've got a lot going on in my life right now and I know none of these things excuse what I've done, I'm just trying to put you in my mind. I'm 29 and I care for my granddad who has alzheimers. I've recently had a car accident and had a bad injury to my knee. And now I've found a lump in my breast, which I'm waiting to have a scan on.

I'm married, I've been with my husband since we were 15 and I have 2 dc. I've recently lost a lot of weight and with that I've found a lot of confidence that I didn't have before.

Anyway, around Christmas time, I started texting a boy at work. Innocent at first, then I told him about a not so innocent dream I had about him and it railroaded from there. We text a lot of steamy stuff to each other and we kissed one night at work. And twice since. Nothing more.

Anyway, he has said that it can't happen again, even though he wants it to, because I'm married and I agree. And although I love my husband.... Oh god this sounds really shallow of me, I love my husband. He is a wonderful man, treats me like a princess and he is the perfect role model father. But his body doesn't turn me on any more, and I am crying writing this.

Yesterday was this boys 21st birthday. He has model looks, someone I never thought would in a million years go for me. A washboard body and eyes that make you melt. And now I've started falling for him. At first it was a release from my life. I could get lost in the texts not thinking about what else was going on.

Last night I text him saying that he was right, we can't do anything else. And I told him I was falling for him. I've had no reply. Now my mind is totally screwed up and I can't stop thinking about him.

Please don't judge me, I know what a crap person I am right now.

Please help me.
How do I stop thinking about him?
How do I sort my head out?

Thanks for being honest Fanjo. It's honest reality that I need.

And you don't sound mean at all. You're speaking perfect sense. I just don't know how to do this.

Have a hug too.. :)

Well,he is clearly just enjoying the attention and flirting, trust me, it isn't the biggest romance of HIS life like to feels to you. So remember that and try to hold back for fear of making a fool of yourself, should help.

Thanks Fanjo :)
I need hugs.
I need to find the strength from somewhere to close the door.

Well think about what you will lose if you don't.

Also, when it ended with this guy (which it would) it would hurt like he'll too.

So close the door now while nothing has happened.

'hell' not 'he'll'

I know all this. It wouldn't last, I know that, for starters I come with far too much baggage for a 21 year old who lives in a flat with two of his mates. Im flattered that someone like him has paid me any attention at all, let alone this.

I'm trying to close the door, but its hurting already. It's already gone that bit further than just a bit of fun.

You can do it!

Thanks for your faith! I know that if I was stronger, and didn't have everyone dragging me down, I wouldn't have ever been in this situation in the first place. I would never have let myself. It would just have been a fantasy, that might've lasted a few weeks. But no. I had to tell him didn't I! It's not like I have to tell Johnny Depp that he did it for me last night in my dream, because it's a silly fantasy! But I had to tell this boy didn't I! I couldn't just keep it in there, locked safely away where it wouldn't hurt me. I told him. Then he told me about the things he'd thought about me, and BAM! Here I am, pain and all.

It isn't real pain though, just fleeting, remember that

How would you feel if your husband had his head turned by a young woman and was drastically close to having a fling with her. Hang onto that feeling hopefully you will show some self restraint.

I would be devastated.

I am restraining. It won't happen again. Hence my need and want to forget him, certainly in that way. I can't forget him completely, I work with him.

At the moment I don't necessarily want to lose him as he's made me really happy, but I know I have to. And the happiness wasn't real. It can't have been. My husband has made me far happier for almost 15 years. Its just a difficult patch, on my behalf that we have to work through, together.

Like others I can see why you want to get away from your life at the moment as it sounds very stressful.

But if you let things go further with the OM you will still have all that stuff to deal with, but with the addition of a lot of hurt to your family and yourself (because it sounds like you don't really want to break up your marriage, which is what would likely happen). It is not an escape route.

Honestly, you need to just walk away. Stop texting him, work related conversations only. Infatuations like this happen. But if you walk away, they do go away.

Can you get another job?

Your right Fanjo. It's not real pain. It is painful, but not even a patch of the pain I would feel if I lost my DH over this. It wasn't ever real happiness either. It made me happy, yes, but not the happy you get from waking up next the man you love farts and all Just an escape. I have to remember that.

You need to concentrate on your relationship with your husband. Talk to him, get some counselling, do things together that you both enjoy.
Take a look at your life, make the changes you can make. You don't need you house to be immaculate, you don't need to give people lifts everywhere. You need other things in your life to enjoy. Join some clubs or take up some hobbies.
Most importantly get yourself away from this boy. This is just an adventure for him. He is just a kid, there is no way you will be together, even if by some miracle you did manage to you would still have all the responsibilities in your life you have now. You will still have your kids, your grandad will still have alzheimers, your breat will still have a lump in it.
You need to give up the job. If you get away from him you will forget him. Tell him to stop texting you. Concentrate on making yourself happy you don't need him to make you a worthwhile person.

No I can't get another job. That would be easier!
This is it then.
This is me walking away. Wish me luck. I'm working tonight. I need all the strength I can gather.

There are always more bar jobs. Look for a new one. Seriously, or look for a different job in a different environment.

Working in a bar till 2am, is great when you are single and have no responsibilites, but when you are married, sorry, it isnt. You are bound to be chatted up constantly, and if you are in the frame of mind you are at the moment, it is going to be very easy to be tempted.

Blue, he told me that once a few weeks ago. I told him he made me feel amazing, and he said that I was, but that I didn't need him for me to feel like that. He talks a lot of sense. He will allow me to walk away and I know he wont chase me.

Me and DH are doing things that we both enjoy. And I know it will be easier soon.

Anyway, thankyou all. It's always good to have a bit of sense talked into you. I know I have to forget him. And I will.

Squeaky, there are more bar jobs, but DH wouldn't let me work on those. I work in a conservative club, where there's mostly people in or older than their 50's. There's no trouble there, unlike the other bars in our town, and I clean until 2am after the bar shift has ended. It suits me and our family because I can take my youngest in the mornings to clean, when I haven't worked the night before. I only work one, or occasionally two nights a week, the rest is cleaning. I couldn't get another job that would fit in with family life at the moment, not around here.

I'm going to be strong enough. I am. I must, there's no question about it.

If you can summon up the strength to walk away, don't text etc you will save your heart.

One month or six months down the line you stand a better chance of not having your heart broken. It is very hard to stick to, but i speak from exp of never stopping something that i thought i could cope with and 10 months on it kills. You have to protect your heart.

Of course he makes you feel different, he IS different. It's very sad becuase you fell in love with your husband and made a wonderful commitement, but in doing so you have missed out on experiencing other feelings that come from other men/relationships.

Yet as WWIFN says on here all the time, you HAVE to pinpoint when, why and how this happened.

You have explained alot, your lifestyle etc, and you have a really good grip on your situation, and you have realised how your life has played a part.

Also you need to be honest about what your husband is like in your relationship, how he and you can grow from this and move on.

It is normal and natural to have your head turned, so beat yourself up for it. It's what you do now that counts.

But there must be other cleaning jobs? Care homes, schools, offices?
When you say your DH won't let you, do you mean literally or do you mean he has concerns for your safety?

oh sorry did't read that properly.
There must be other options, there must be.

ahem 'don't beat yourself up for it'

freudian or what lol