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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Sensitive question...is this ummm....

92 replies

iamstrong · 03/03/2011 22:02

Well i have been putting of asking, not sure I want to know the answer.

Feel stupid asking actually but here goes....

Is it rape if you feel to scared to say no?

Actually 'no' was said but only at first then it's easier to just give in.

Mainly because things have been smashed up before when sex was denied, hundreds of pounds worth of things, leaving DS to walk in on glass being smashed all over the flaw.

Don't even know if it is rape because in the end it was just a case of doing it for an easy life, not that the kicking and punching stopped.

I don't know if it is rape because I don't know if after I gave in I actually wanted it to happen.

OP posts:
granhands · 04/03/2011 13:29

God, who would know that there are so many of them, shame they can't be branded on the forehead, then they wouldn't be able to hide and make women think they are nice.
How are you today OP? I hope you are feeling a bit more positive.

Original poster
iamstrong · 04/03/2011 17:11

You are all amazing strong ladies and with the help in recognition from you all I have decided to stay with my mum for a while. I need the emotional support and normal adult contact.

I'm feeling strong but really very sad today.

Human similarity in human nature staggers me both the those of you who have been abused and the description of the abuser is so similar it makes my hair stand on end.

It is so reassuring to hear that you have all been through similar thing and come out the other side. You sound like strong, compassionate, informed women. I am so grateful.

OP posts:
Original poster
iamstrong · 04/03/2011 17:13

Sorry that post didn't make much sense, I'm feeling a bit frazzled bit you get the drift. X

OP posts:
Original poster
iamstrong · 04/03/2011 17:13

Oh and yes branding sounds like a fab idea, ex could charm the pants of a nun.

OP posts:
notsolomon · 04/03/2011 18:05

OP, I am so sorry for all that you have been through and congratulate you on determining on a new start. It has taken me too decades to work out what a good relationship is and, to be honest, it is a revelation. When you have found a good man, he will be your best friend and supporter, and you will be his. You will never tread on eggshells for fear of repercussions, you will be free to be happy and to be yourself. Life will be good, every single day. You will find a true human connection.

The light that it sheds on your dark days is startling and you will realise more and more what was wrong with them even though you didn't know at the time.

Good luck.

Original poster
iamstrong · 04/03/2011 21:10

notsosolom that is so lovely, made me cry. All sounds amazing, I will live in hope Smile

OP posts:
Alambil · 04/03/2011 21:45

haven't read everything but has anyone mentioned the Freedom programme yet?

Original poster
iamstrong · 04/03/2011 21:47

No, not been mentioned yet. Can you tell me more?

OP posts:
Jellykat · 04/03/2011 22:07

I have just started on the Freedom programme as it happens..

It's run by Womens Aid,usually weekly.
It runs for 12 weeks,but you can stay longer,or leave whenever you want to.

It is very very informative about DV and abuse,many many aspects are covered and discussed.It is very affirming,and you can question or divulge your experience if you want to,with the other women present,or you can just listen..Because it's a very safe,and confidential environment.

I really recommend it.

Original poster
iamstrong · 05/03/2011 11:42

Thank you JellyKat that sounds great will look in to it.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 06/03/2011 19:26

how are you, iamstrong ?

Original poster
iamstrong · 07/03/2011 22:48

Hello. Am feeling a bit done in. HAve moved in with my mum for a short while ut still not spoken to her, not sure I ever will. So instead I have spoken to the people at the Freedom Programme.

Your suggestions and kindness have been amazing

Am so looking forward to talking it out in RL. I know it's going to be hard work but I'm actually looking forward to experiancing the range of emotions, even the bad. x

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 07/03/2011 22:51

all the very best of luck x

suburbophobe · 07/03/2011 23:06

I am strong, it is NEVER too late!!

Yes, please google Stockholm Syndrome, it will open your eyes!
It's a weird thing, loving your abuser Confused

bristolcities · 08/03/2011 21:16

I'm feeling strong but I think it's probably because I haven't had contact for over 2 months.

What do I do when he contacts me?

What do I do about DS?

Original poster
iamstrong · 08/03/2011 21:22

Ah busted ^ oh well Grin. I didn't even press post but hey-ho. Still stand by what i said you've all been brilliant! Thank you xxx

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 08/03/2011 22:04

aww, never mind the little outing

it doesn't change the advice and it doesn't change how well you are doing

keep on keeping on x

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