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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

2 more days then I wont feel so bad

71 replies

feellikegivingup · 27/02/2011 23:20

Hello, Ive namechanged as my dd knows I come on here and what my usual name is,

2 days untill I can put her on the rent agreement, then I know that she and my ds will have a home after I go,

I don't think I can cope for much longer, ive been a lone parent for 13 years, one relationship 3 years ago that lasted almost 2 years but he was a twat, didnt care about my kids so binned him,

Ex / kids dad was very violent, we had to move far away and no contact allowed,

I'm trying relly hard to get work, as much as i wanna get off benifits I wanna job that gives me a social life and to feel usefull, been a year now and losing hope, I apply for everything I can within my travelling distance, 2 interviews in a year, both for the same company, differant reasons for not getting it,

Ive had enough, cant do it anymore, I think we may lose everything soon, they will be better off if im not in the picture.

OP posts:
LadyFannyofBumStreet · 27/02/2011 23:22

Go where?

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 23:24

I really hope you dont mean what this sounds like you mean. Please please dont even think of doing anything that will fuck your kids lives up forever. And it would. Do you really really want to do that to them :(

They will not be better off without you, trust me on that. They are your kids and they love and need you.

Newbabynewmum · 27/02/2011 23:26

Ofcourse they won't be better off without you. No way.

I didn't want to leave you unanswered. No children would be better off without a hardworking caring mum which you sound like you are x

DrRichandNimble · 27/02/2011 23:27

your post is reading asw if you are contemplating suicide once you have put your daughter on the rent agreement.

You know that that is not the option don't you?

YOu want to get back into work and its hard. it is for everyone right now.
Maybe whilst it is so dog eat dog out there, why don't you take some time working on you in the meantime.

enrole on a college course maybe, get yourself trained in an area that will make you more appealing to employers. plus it will give you the social aspect i think you want.

and please, if you are so low that you are thinking such dark thoughts, i think you need to speak with your GP.

Doha · 27/02/2011 23:28

If you are thinking about killing yourself-stop being so bloody selfish.
Just because you put your DD's name on the rent book means that your DC's are going to live happy ever after.
Your dc's need you, they already have one parent that didn't want them how do you think they will feel if you leave them too. They will be emotionally scarred for life.
Believe me l do know what l am talking about.
Phone the samaratins or a friend but don't do anything stupid.

GypsyMoth · 27/02/2011 23:30

It's over whelming. In a similar position here. It's bloody hard work and yes, like a deck of cards it can all collapse

goplayout · 27/02/2011 23:34

So sorry you are having such a bad time.

How old are your DC?

Is there anyone you can talk to in RL?

I don't think your children would be better off if you are "not in the picture"..... What exactly do you mean by that?

Please ring the Samaritans if you feel you can, or failing that continue to post on here as there are some wonderful MNetters with great advice.

realrabbit · 27/02/2011 23:34

This reply has been deleted

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GypsyMoth · 27/02/2011 23:36

Op are you still there?

squeakytoy · 27/02/2011 23:36

Op, come back and talk, please.

You must have an idea how much this would upset your daughter if you are worried she would recognise you on here.

You cant do this to them, you really cant. And I speak from experience.

pickgo · 27/02/2011 23:38

Many of us have been there OP, but please just hang on it will get better.

Your DCs need you more than anything else.

Can you tell us a bit more - what's led to you feeling like this?

lookingfoxy · 27/02/2011 23:39

Imagine how devestated your kids would be, your their mum!

Could you retrain and go to college? I done a care course and an added bonus was that I met and kept a good few new friends which gave my social life a wee boost.

Original poster
feellikegivingup · 27/02/2011 23:39

I love my kids more than anything and I will do whatever it takes to make sure they are happy, Ive always put them first but now they are older its so much harder,

I cant provide for them anymore, I feel such a failure, I have the Jc on my back, Ive had 2 inteviews in a year for a pt job that said i wasnt suitabe for although my dd applied and got the job at 16,

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 27/02/2011 23:39

Come back Op

talk to us

privategodfrey · 27/02/2011 23:40

How awful for you to be feeling like this OP. I can only echo what others have said, taking your life isn't the way forward.

lookingfoxy · 27/02/2011 23:41

Some employers look for younger people depending what kind of work it is. In my line, being a bit older is an advantage.

GypsyMoth · 27/02/2011 23:42

That's so hard! When they get jobs and we can't

Ive applied for some too, it's difficult when there's not much around. Jc know this.

Census collectors are needed in ALOT of areas, try them? Temp job but could lead to something?

blackeyeddog · 27/02/2011 23:47

Life can be so shite sometimes. I feel for you.

Thing is, you have no idea what wonderful things are round the corner do you. Life is like that. Please don't give up.

Original poster
feellikegivingup · 27/02/2011 23:51

I dont want to take my life, I Love my kids and my family and I know how devastated they would be if anything happenend to me, I just cant see a future for me,

If I wasn't around, they could just get on with it, I've never really felt like this before, even with the dv with my ex, I just dealt with it, the kids were little, but now they aint and they know what a useless mum I am,

I'm sorry, It's just sometimes it all gets too much and I suppose with my dd turning 18 in a few days so much is gonna change and they aint little anymore,

OP posts:
pickgo · 27/02/2011 23:53

I think a lot of people are in the same boat OP at the moment. It's not easy is it?

But you must mean so much more to your kids than just being a provider financially - providing support, care, stability, love ....

Don't let the consumerist culture we have let you feel like a failure. You sound like a damn good mum.. always putting your kids first - that's not being a failure, that's suceeding at the most important job anyone can ever do!

If JC are pressuring you, offer to spend a morning with them while they find you a job. Put them on the spot.

Keep fighting and don't let the bastards grind you down.

pickgo · 27/02/2011 23:56

18 is nothing.... anyway they go....and then they come back. Don't be scared it's just a new era that will bring some change - part good part bad...like the rest of life!

I agree with poster above, you never know what's round the corner!

HighlandTea · 27/02/2011 23:58

OP I have a good friend who's dad commited suicide when he was 17. He is a lovely guy but has serious hang ups about himself because as he sees it even his dad didn't think him worth hanging around for so why would anyone else.

He thinks he wasn't enough for one of the two people who should love him unconditionally and it has shaped every relationship since, with women, friends, acquaintances, colleagues. He will never believe he is worth anything, no matter how hard I try to make him see he is.

He feels constantly guilty because if he had been a better son his dad wouldn't have wanted to die. If he had been a better person his dad would have wanted to stay alive to be with him. If he had seen his dad was unhappy he could have done something.

He has often talked about suicide himself. I am sure that the only reason he doesn't is that I told him he would be selfish, making other people feel the way he feels now. He knows how awful it is and won't, I hope, ever do that to them.

I have spent countless hours over the years trying to undo even a little of what his dad's suicide has done to him and feel I have not made the slightest difference.

Please do not do any of the above to your dcs. You think they'd be better off without you but the only thing they need is you. Just being there is the most important job in the world and no amount of money will change that.

Original poster
feellikegivingup · 27/02/2011 23:59

Thankyou everyone that has taken ther time to reply to my post, I realy appreiate it,

OP posts:
realrabbit · 27/02/2011 23:59

This reply has been deleted

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pickgo · 28/02/2011 00:05

Going to bed now but I'm going to check here tomorrow night OP if you want to chat any more. Hope you're feeling a bit better. Take care

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