2 more days then I wont feel so bad

[feellikegivingup]

Hello, Ive namechanged as my dd knows I come on here and what my usual name is,

2 days untill I can put her on the rent agreement, then I know that she and my ds will have a home after I go,

I don't think I can cope for much longer, ive been a lone parent for 13 years, one relationship 3 years ago that lasted almost 2 years but he was a twat, didnt care about my kids so binned him,

Ex / kids dad was very violent, we had to move far away and no contact allowed,

I'm trying relly hard to get work, as much as i wanna get off benifits I wanna job that gives me a social life and to feel usefull, been a year now and losing hope, I apply for everything I can within my travelling distance, 2 interviews in a year, both for the same company, differant reasons for not getting it,

Ive had enough, cant do it anymore, I think we may lose everything soon, they will be better off if im not in the picture.

You sound like a wonderful parent

Listen to what RR said...you got your girl to 18, and look how fab she is

that is down to you

she still needs you though, your usefulness is not over...she has a lot of choppy waters for you to help steer her through, and your other dc

your post has made me cry, and I won't be the only one

people who don't even know you can see your worth x

I just dont want my kids to see me as failure, even my mum cant understand why I cant get work, even though im trying my hardest,

She gives me a lecture about everything, she doesnt understand the benifit stuff, she thinks that you just tell them your situation and thats it, I got a letter from housing benift this week about my dd turning 18, she has a pt job although still in ft education and my mum thinks that you just tell them and they cant stop your rent and all that,

It's so easy for them, I'm scared of the future, I am desperate to find a job, Not only do I want to give something back to society and provide for my kids, I also want to be part of that society, I want my kids to be proud of me, They both know about the past but I want them to be proud of me now and I dont think they are at the moment,a

You are NOT a failure! You are a loving mum and your DC need you, no matter how old they are.

I know LOADS of people who cannot get a job in this climate - it is not a reflection on you - just the times we live in.

I am forty three and still adore my mum - faults and all. I want her here forever. You are so so important. Don't forget that.

And yes what qualities you have you can sure turn into career potential. Agree with the poster who said discuss your options with jc - what feasible job opportunities they have or retraining type courses.

they will be proud of you

they will see how hard you are trying

they will also see how your own mother undermines you

keep trying, keep plodding, keep moving forward even if it feels like two steps forward and three steps back

the absolute worst thing you could do for your kids now is to give up, they really need the stability of knowing that mum will always be there

they are not judging you...at their ages mum is just there they are not measuring you against anything more than that, I promise you

feelslike I understand you are obviously very depressed and goodness knows how hard that is. But from someone who lost her mum at 18 please do not do this to her. It is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with and caused no end of problems for me growing up. Theres times in your life you need your mum such as the birth of kids, relationships.

Please please get professional help and be there for your daughter. My mum didnt have a choice, you do!

PeterAndre has it spot on

Thankyou pickgo and PeterAndre and everyone else, I do feel a bit better now, all your kind words mean so much even though I don't know any of you,

I obviously cannot talk about this with my family, in fact it was a text from a family member that set me feeling this way tonight, It wasnt anything spitefull or anything, just a a genuine question that made me realise what a crap person I am.

I never used to feel crap, in fact a few years ago I felt pretty good about myself and put my life and job prospects on hold for my dsis and db in law, My kids were both settled so I wanted to get back to work but now its come back and bitten me on the bum,

It is the anniversary of my db in laws death on wed, my dd's 18th birthday on tuesday, Everything is about to change and I'm not I can deal with it on my own,

please get some help, your kids love and need you

hang in here

I too have had things on hold in a way, am now in a position to branch out/move on but this fucking recession/current climate is stopping me

like GORGEOUSX said, lots of people are in the same awful position just now

I don't know if the job situation will improve any time soon, probably not but it isn't your fault

the timing isn't your fault just like it isn't mine

could you choose just one family member or friend to open up to ? Someone you trust, you need some support, you sound very isolated x

Hi Feellike Like the others, wondering how you are today. Just want to re-iterate that being a mum is the most important job in the world - that's the job you need to get right, everything else pales into insignificance. You've been there for your DC, and you need to continue being there for them - they need their mum. I know people in their 50's who still NEED their mums - honestly.

I know you say you feel like a failure because you can't get a job, but I've never, ever known such difficult times for getting a job - and I'm an old hag.

Many of the younger generation in my family, nieces and nephews, have NEVER had a job, despite being well-educated and personable so your DD has done brilliantly!

Have you thought of volounteering for an organisation you like? Sometimes this can lead to work, but if it doesn't, at least you are in a work-environment where you can meet new people and socialise and you may hear of opportunities through that. I only suggest it because it sounds as if you would be a lot happier if you were around people at the moment

Feelikegiving up, I am currently on a course run by the job centre and have an interview this week for a work placement organised through them. This will not only give me confidence but it gives me an up to date reference and a present job to add to my CV. The course itself has been great in raising my confidence and making me feel I can achieve anything I want to! It has given me motivation and encouragement.

In our area the course starts with a two week Moving On course and then goes on to the 13 week Discover Yourself course which is mainly the work placement. I have found this to be far more helpful than anyone at the job centre has been, the support is great and I feel confident I will find permanent work along the line. I am raring to go!! I wonder if the same or equivalent course is run by your Job Centre?

Hi Feellike, how are you this evening?

My DCs are adult age-teenager and I do know that scary feeling of everything about to change.

But they do still need you even as adults and there are compensations. I think if you start to build up your own life more you will feel it less.

There's been some really good suggestions here re jobs, I hope they inspire you to make some inquiries and see if you can get something moving in that direction - but do bear in mind it is a hard time at the moment economically so don't blame yourself if it takes some time.

Anyway I hope you're feeling more positive today. x

seconded

Feellike - what about when they get married, have children, fall in love? They will want to share those times with YOU, their mum and their one constant.

YOU are worth so much more than you are giving yourself credit for.

Reading your posts is heart breaking. You have so much to offer.

YOU care. You care about what happens to them, about getting a job, about your future, otherwise you would be posting here.

Your children love you, they always have and they always will.

Stya, stay for them. Stay because they will need you now, tomorrow, and forever.

YOU are their mum, no-one can replace you and no-one wants that.

Stay x

'not' be posting here...

'Stay', stay for them.....

Sorry, v tired typing now

that was what i was trying to say but mouse put it much better. Hope your ok feelslike

Hey Feellike

I take it today is DD's 18th Birthday? I hope you have a wonderful day together and that you are feeling better than you did following your first few posts.

I hope today you realise just how valued you really are. Your children will be proud of you for being their mum, for all of the sacrifices you have made for them over the years.

Maybe not today but one day, they will realise just how much you care. Maybe when they are parents themselves. Maybe then they will understand what you have gone through, for them.

Life can be so shitty sometimes, but nothing lasts forever.

Some things are out of your control - the current economical and job climate are just two!

Worry about the things you can change, the things you can control.

Ignore the jibes of those who just don't understand, your mother for example.

I'm sure she has your best interests at heart but maybe isn't so great at saying them out loud?

Look at your daughter, look how grown up she is. YOU did that. YOU made her the young woman that she is today.

YOU were the one to care for her when she was ill, love her and hold her when she was scared. She will always need you.

Come back and tell us what she got on her big day

ditto Mouseface HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR DD

How are you getting on today feellike?

Hope both you and your daughter have had some fun on her birthday.

Hello and Thankyou to those who have wished my DD a happy birthday,

I do feel a bit better now, Iv'e tried to keep myself busy the last couple of days so avoided coming on here but have just reread everything and I really do appriceate all your support,

I just wish that I had someone in RL that I could confide in, I do have a good family but I wouldn't want to let them know just how I feel, I do still have some pride,

I've had a good day with my DD, My present to her was to pay for her to have a Tattoo, she has wanted one for years and ive always said that I would sort that for her eighteenth,

My ds has been a bit of a prob today as he resents us being happy for dd's birthday, Tomorrow is the first anniversary of my bro in laws death, he was a lovely man and treated my ds like his own, they were very close and did lots of bloke stuff together, We all loved him very much but my ds saw him as a major male role model from aged 5, tommorrow has been in the back of my mind all day but I will deal with that tomorrow, Today is my dd day although my ds cannot understand that.

My dd has had a lovely evening with her friends, They have all been for a chinese meal, ( 20 of them altogether)

She has just returned with her bestest friend laden with pressies, Her leg is still a bit red and sore from my pressie but I do think its a lovely Tattoo,

I am so very very proud of her, She wants to take me out for a meal on Sat night, her bro is invited but doesn't want to come, Sometimes I feel he feels left out cos I do spend alot more time with dd but he doesn't make it easy to be with him as he is full of attitude and can be quite aggresive when he talks to me,

I am very proud of him too and do tell him that but he doesn't seem to care, He is only ever nice when he wants something,

Dear Feellike

I am so pleased you are feeling a little better. You ARE a survivor. You are not crap.And despite what you may think, your kids still need you. They will always need you. If you have a difficult relationship with your own mother ( it sounds like she is ratehr undermining of you to say the least) don't project that onto your own relationship with your children. You have done things differently.

You sound like a wonderful, caring, selfless woman.

If you start feeling so desparate again, do go to your GP and explain how you are feeling. The Samaritans can also be very helpful and you can text and email as well as callin, I believe.

I hope tomorrow is as OK as it can be.

Strength and light to you.