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Relationships

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Original poster

Been on 2 dates with a guy and he's asked me to be his girlfriend!!

63 replies

frazzle26 · 20/02/2011 14:46

As the title says, I have been on 2 dates with a really lovely guy and he has just asked me (via text) to be his gf. I have said yes even though tbh, I feel that it is far too early to be labelling our "relationship". He has now posted himself as in a relationship on fb. I have not done the same yet so my name is not on his profile and I am still listed as single on mine.

The thing is, I really like him but I don't want things to go wrong because he's being pushy and forching things along.

Was I wrong to say I would be his gf this soon??

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 20/02/2011 16:40

He asked you by text and put it on facebook after 2 dates? God I would run for the hills personally

EricNorthmansMistress · 20/02/2011 16:42

Or what Booboo said

Original poster

frazzle26 · 20/02/2011 16:43

I'm 27 and he's 28. We've both had serious relationships before (7 years and 4 years respectively) so it's not like this is a first ever "relationship" for either of us.

I have a fairly good feeling about this but after 2 dates there is no way of telling for sure as we are still getting to know each other.

Definitely need to sort this situation!!!

OP posts:

MooMooFarm · 20/02/2011 16:47

Sorry but IMO he's a bit immature for a 28 year old. It could, just could, be a red flag that he may have some 'issues', or maybe is is just really loved up and a bit immature.

Do you both have a good set of friends you see independently? Do you know much about his friends and family (I suppose you can't really after 2 dates!) I would be completely put off and slightly freaked out by what he's said, but maybe you're not as cynical as me (and you're definitely not as old, ha ha!).

Just be careful and take it at the pace you want to, not the pace he dictates. Any pressure to move any quicker than feels comfortable to you and I would bail out quick.

BertieBotts · 20/02/2011 16:55

Yes the facebook thing is a bit odd. I suppose people use it in different ways but when I got together with my bf (who did incidentally ask if I wanted to be his gf ) we spoke about "announcing" it on facebook before we did so. But then we have mutual friends who we wanted to tell in person first etc. So possibly different if he doesn't have anyone you know on his.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 20/02/2011 17:03

We've both talked about our friends and family. I only really have my mum family wise that I see regularly as my sister has moved away but I have friends as well as hobbies that I wouldn't give up for anyone.

As for him, he seems to have a wide group of friends as well as several hobbies- mostly outdoor ones so plenty to keep himself occupied with.

I guess it's not as though he's proposed or anything!! (Better start practicing the "it's a bit too soon, we've only been seeing each other 3 weeks" lol :-)

OP posts:

lowercase · 20/02/2011 17:04

i dont think its a problem.

he wants to date just you, be upfront and know where he stands.

maybe the fb thing is 'cos hes so proud to be with you.

mn'ers have no heart.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 20/02/2011 17:07

That's a really nice thing to say lowercase. Thank you.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 20/02/2011 17:09

fwiw,my partner and I are similar ages. We were dating for about 6 weeks before he asked if I would be his girlfriend. He did ask, and I didn't find it odd at all. We'd met through internet dating so we needed to haev the talk about whether we were exclusive, if we were going to take our profiles down, that kind of thing. SO I don't think it's odd he's asked. But it's the speed that would worry me. ANd putting it on facebook, presumably without your permission. We had that convo too, and both agrees it was cringey- anyone who we were bothered about knowing already knew iyswim. No need to put it on facebook

lowercase · 20/02/2011 17:14

i dont facebook, but i know folk who do...
my friend had every detail of her sons potty training on there...some people use fb like they talk to friends.

i think one date is enough to deduce if you want to be exclusive or not.

i wouldnt just date for datings sake anyway.
or spread myself too thin.

im a one man woman.

BooBooGlass · 20/02/2011 17:19

You know after one date?
No no no. That's crazy

emmyloopsyloo · 20/02/2011 17:23

I'd scrap everything lc has said, that's crazy talk.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 20/02/2011 17:30

Boobooglass, we also met via internet dating so I guess that's why he felt he had to ask me. Also, I was aware he was going to put it on FB so i guess i could have told him not to (I'm not making myself sound very good here am I??)

FB is so silly really and tbh I don't know why I'm getting so het up about the status thing. I've just decided to leave things as they are and let things develop slowly. I can't seem him more than twice a week at this stage anyway due to babysitting etc so that should help to build things up gradually.

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 20/02/2011 17:33

But even so, you know nothing about him after 2 dates. You might suspect he's a really nice guy, and that's brilliant. But what do you really know of him? Has he done a lot of internet dating?

BooBooGlass · 20/02/2011 17:35

And fwiw, if you met via internet dating then he is probably petrified you are seeing other people too. But after 2 date syou have every right to. I wasn't seeing anyone else as it happens, and neither was he, but the point is, do you really want to commit to him after only 2 dates? would say this is more to do with him being insecuire and wanting you to remove your profile than anything else and tbh that's not a great sign. A lot would say that it's great he's so into you. Imo, it's a little creepy and controlling

emmyloopsyloo · 20/02/2011 17:42

The people who think its great booboo Id guess are either very young. Or don't have the experience of dating fuckwits or being in an abusive or controlling relationship.

I agree this level of dating isn't done past the age of 12 if you have your head screwed on.

LaWeasel · 20/02/2011 18:02

You sound just like my friend.

Anyway, as long as you are taking things at your own pace - from silly stuff to status' to the physical - I don't think it really matters if he has got a bit ahead of himself with the bf/gf stuff. It's not a legally binding state after all.

MooMooFarm · 20/02/2011 18:03

emmy that's exactly what I think. I think it's important to know that if a man is really keen, it may not just be because you're starring in your own romantic fairytale - it could be that he's potentially abusive and controlling.

MooMooFarm · 20/02/2011 18:03

LaWeasel no not legally binding, but if you get into a relationship with a controlling person it can be just as hard to get away from

boobjob · 20/02/2011 18:31

I think its sweet when someone ask you but you should only say yes if you want to be exclusive with the guy

TheProvincialLady · 20/02/2011 18:38

Why do you feel so reluctant to speak your mind with this man? Do you normally have trouble asserting yourself with people generally, or just men, or just this man? I think you should proceed with caution with anyone who wants you to 'be his girlfriend' after 2 dates. It doesn't suggest a very mature approach to relationships. I would also be questioning why you felt the need to flirt with him "only if you ask me nicely" etc....it's not hepful to either of you. And as for doing this all by text and facebook...well...

nbyet · 20/02/2011 18:46

Hold on minute folks. How on EARTH is the guy all of a sudden 'abusive and controlling'? The information we have thus far is:

OP and guy go on two dates.
He asks her if they are together. She says yes.
He puts on facebook that he is in a relationship.

The ONLY thing we can conclude about the guy is that he is moving quickly compared to 'the norm'. That's it.

OP I think it is sweet, but I too would feel a little apprehensive at this point simply because I would be concerned that if it didn't work out, it is slightly tricker to withdraw from being in 'a relationship' than from simply dating someone. Nonetheless, you still can withdraw from this at any stage if you decide he's not for you. I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with him and say you would like to take it slightly more slowly. And IF he does do anything to suggest he may be controlling or abusive in any way, of course at that point you should walk away.

madonnawhore · 20/02/2011 18:47

frazzle, you seem like a very nice person but i hope you don't mind me saying that i remember a few of your other threads about having broken up with a different guy you met on the internet and how you hate being single and want to find a boyfriend.

i promise you i'm not stalking you! it's just that your previous threads resonate with me and stick in my mind because you remind me so very much of a friend of mine who desperately wants to be in a relationship so just keeps dating man after man from the internet and getting way too involved way too early only to find it all goes wrong quite quickly.

it seems like there is some urgency to 'lock this down' and declare it an official relationship as if there is some kind of status, self-esteem and security conferred on you once you're 'part of a couple'. that's not the case. you will always be you, whether on your own or in a relationship, so take some time to find out who that person is and what she wants; it doesn't seem to me from your recent posts that you are sure of those things yet.

Original poster

frazzle26 · 20/02/2011 19:20

I have only had 1 bf who I met on the internet and it lasted 8 months. My previous one was a paramedic who came to my house on a job (bizzare, I know!!).

I have spoken to this guy, lets call him D. I said that whilst I have really enjoyed our dates I was just a little surprised that he asked me to be his gf. He basically said that he was sorry and that he had just got a bit ahead of himself. He has now changed his fb profile back to single and I am cool with that.

Guess it shows that all I had to do was say what I really wanted. He said he's still really looking forward to seeing me on weds so nothing has changed in that department. Really glad i said something though.

OP posts:

BertieBotts · 20/02/2011 19:22

Nybet - I think people are right to be cautious but I agree that perhaps people are jumping in a bit far with accusations here. This guy hasn't done anything wrong - but the problem is that the behaviour of moving fast IS a red flag - abusers will often try to move a relationship on quickly in the early stages to gain control, and put the victim in a situation where he or she feels trapped and less able to just walk away. I don't think we know enough about the situation to tell whether in this case, it is.

From what I can gather, OP went on 2 dates with this guy, he's now asked to be bf/gf, which MIGHT be a push to get commitment, or it MIGHT be simply that he's using that word to mean "Do you want to be exclusive or keep this casual for now?" - it might be that he's not interested in a purely casual arrangement. OP has said yes and now she's worried that it means things are more serious than she's ready for - so she needs to speak to him. His reaction to this will tell you what you need to know - if he's genuine then he'll back down and be apologetic and be happy to go at your pace. If he's not then he'll try and twist or guilt you into agreeing to go at his pace, not yours. That's when you run. But I wouldn't write it off now - just be aware.

Hope that clears things up.

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