DP had sex with me when I was asleep, am struggling

[Forsakesgoodness]

Dp spent a night last week trying to have sex with me while I was asleep. He wanted it before bed, and then said that I was too tired to make it fun so gave up. He then spent every hour throughout the night trying to have sex with me. I kept waking up and asking him not to, but he didn't stop, but I don't think he finished. I tried to talk about it to him the next day but he simply said he was waiting for me to wake up and enjoy it!

Since then he has been trying each night before I fall asleep, and then complaining that I am not awake enough. This isn't the first time we have had problems around me being too tired, and I don't want to have sex with him now, I feel invaded and awful. I feel like he's just going to take it anyway, and that the only thing that comes of not doing it straight away is him complaining about the quality. He is generally a good man in all other respects, I can't leave financially or emotionally, and I just don't know what to do.

'he lets me go to excerise classes'

Run.

Run for the hills and never look back. Take your DD and get out.

You can survive without him.

I left with not a pot to piss in, the clothes on our backs and a clapped out old banger.

He raped me all the time but made it my fault.

I was always too tired for him but not to play with DD.

Please please please, get out.

SGB very true.

Op, please listen and take heed of the women who have been there and got out, life is too precious to live like this, think of your daughter's future if nothing else.
You deserve more, much more than a man who treats you this way .

Forsakesgoodness, you haven't posted since this morning. Everything okay? Have you spoken to the WA? Thinking of you.

Just wanted to say I hope you're okay and am thinking of you, too. Take care of yourself. xx

Bloody hell Anushka! You poor thing!

you know the view from the hills is not bad. you will cope, you will manage. womens aid will help. It will be worth it even if you can't see that now.

I just want to echo what has already been said, the fact he's a good man in all other respects is irrelevant, because he isn't being a good man in the one way he absolutely should be, i.e. respecting you.

You have been raped and you are being abused/controlled. Please leave him now.

He's only pretending to be good in other ways to keep you there. He's fucking with your head. He's a rapist. I wouldn't trust him near my dc if I were you. You've only lived with him 4 years. I hope you have contacted Women's Aid?

You know you can't stay don't you? Don't even think about trying to fix him. Fix your dd and your lives right now.

I do hope you are ok. I understand why you probably won't be able to post over the weekend but people are thinking of you and hope you can get through it. Hope you come back on Monday and keep talking, and remember to call WA.

Christ onafuckingbike. Run ffs just run.

So he is pressurising you for sex and then trying to fuck you anyway when you are asleep.

Does he have consent? No and is he then proceeding anyway? Yes.
Its rape and you need to tell him to stop it.

Its note sex, its rape and you need to be using that word with him so he understands how you feel about it.

DO NOT be ambiguous because he is pushing boundaries.

He's repeatedly raping you. How long do you think it's going to be before he starts doing the same to your dd, if he isn't already.
I'm sorry, but your life is a sham. It doesnt matter if you dont think you can cope with leaving. You have no choice. Pack you documents and get to womens aid NOW.

I'm well shot of mine, but he never did anything like this.

Go to WA and Rape Crisis. Make plans. You can change things and lve a better life.

As for your DD -- I agree she is in danger from this man too.

DD's father used to do this to me. Once I even said to him "When I say no, do you just think 'Well, I'm going to do it anyway'?". He laughed and said yes. I told him it was rape. He said I was being ridiculous, how could it be rape if he loved me? I'd be so sore (he was very rough) I could barely walk for a week. I told him this, he knew this, he'd see me in tears with the pain, but he'd still do it anyway, he even got me pregnant, but in his mind it was 'loving'. They'll try to convince you, others, even themselves that this behaviour is fine. It's not. Good luck, OP.

Everyone has all ready said it: this is rape, he is abusing you, and abuse is insidious. All I can add is I hope you and DD are now somewhere safe. Thinking of you.

perfectstorm Fri 18-Feb-11 10:37:27
Let me tell you about my husband.

Sometimes, he doesn't load the dishwasher when it needs doing. Sometimes, he can be a bit irritable when he's not had enough sleep and grumbles a bit. Sometimes, he doesn't look after ds as well as I'd like - he dozes off while ds watches a DVD, for example.

Other than that? Well, he accepts our child is just that: our child, and is brilliant with him and shares responsibility for him. He cooks and cleans a fair amount, given his working hours. He appreciates what I do and is loving and affectionate and understanding that I'm often tired. He settles ds at night more than me, because he's firmer than me. And we had sex maybe 5 times, the first year of ds' life, because I was knackered and stressed and not really interested. So DH wanked a lot more, because funnily enough he didn't want sex with someone who didn't want it, too. Which is probably why we now have a very good sex life again - because nothing is more of a turnoff, as you say, than knowing your pleasure, let alone consent, is an irrelevance.

That is a normal, irritating man. What you are describing is a controlling, abusing, terrifying bully. Women's Aid can help you - and can stop your daughter growing up thinking repeated rape is what a "normal, irritating man" does, too.

This is one of, if not THE best post on a relationships thread I have every read.
It MUST give you some perspective?

Please just read the first post on this thread.

You beat me to it Bertie

Thank you x