Sorry - this is a long one but it's quite a complicated story. I have name changed for this.
I am in a very awkward situation and I don't know what to do (if anything) about it. I have been with my DH for nearly 11 years now and we will be celebrating our 6th wedding anniversary this year. He has a group of friends who have all known each other for years - most since school. About 7 years ago a girl - I'll call her Julie - appeared in the group who was quite a "tomboy" type who was one of those girls who are friends with blokes more than girls. When I first met her she revealed to me that she was in love with one of DH's friends who had a girlfriend at the time and proceeded to slag his girlfriend off and generally made it clear that being in love with him was the reason she was hanging around the group, hoping for a chance with him. Time passed and the friend in question split up with his girlfriend but still didn?t want to go out with Julie and has since met and married someone else.
DH moved away from the town his other friends lived in but remained friends with rest of his group there, including Julie, and used to see her on nights out every now and then when he was visiting his home town and a few times even stayed at her house.
Julie stayed friends with the group over the years but at a distance because she eventually moved away from where they all lived and only saw them sporadically.
Anyway, DH told me about 18 months ago that on one of the occasions he had stayed at Julie's house, she had made a pass at him, kissed him, but he put a stop to it. This incident had happened when DH and I had been together nearly 5 years and shortly before our wedding, I think. Obviously I was annoyed that he had not told me at the time but even more annoyed at her because it was so disrespectful to me to make a play for my man and then act as if nothing had happened - she even visited us at our house shortly after our first child was born. At the point DH told me this, he hadn't seen Julie for a long time but he had just received an invitation via facebook to go to her birthday night out. I said that I would rather he didn't go and visit her and that he defriended her on facebook and had nothing more to do with her. He agreed to do this.
Since then, she has texted him to ask why he defriended her and why he didn't come to her birthday and he replied that I did not want him to.
He didn't go to her birthday this year either despite her inviting him via other friends. Some mutual friends spoke to DH afterwards saying that she spent all night moaning to them about me stopping DH from being her friend. She called me insecure and said that I must think she's a threat. However, she didn't reveal to the mutual friends that I had a good reason for being angry with her as she doesn?t know that I know she kissed my husband. DH didn?t tell his friends this fact either so they all probably do think I'm being unreasonable and keeping him from being her friend for no good reason.
Now some mutual friends are getting married and I found out this weekend that we are going to be sat at the same table as Julie and her new boyfriend. Julie texted DH out of the blue to say that she was fed up of me being pathetic and seeing her as a threat and that if I so much as gave her a look at the wedding she was going to kick off. I will have my 4 year old DD and will also have a 3 month old DD with me so obviously she won't look too good if she does this. I think DH ignored this text.
So that's the situation I'm in. I'm dreading this wedding now because I don't know what is going to happen. I just want Julie to stay away from us and leave me alone but am aware she must be running me down to all of our mutual friends saying that she hasn't done anything wrong and that I'm just insecure. But no one except Julie, DH and I know that she kissed him and that I have every right to want her to have nothing to do with our family. Even she doesn't know that I know as DH has kept quiet about it and wants to let "sleeping dogs lie" and not "rake it all up again" by mentioning it to her or any of our other friends. I have not said a single bad thing about her to anybody and nobody has asked me why I have a problem with her but they must all be wondering what is going on and why I have frozen her out of our lives.
What should I do? Is there anything I can do? I'm almost tempted to stay away from the wedding completely but I really want to be there for my friends and don?t want her to think she has won. DH says he would rather not go to the wedding than take any action whatsoever e.g. in telling her to back off and that I know she kissed him. But the person getting married is DH's best friend so we really do have to go.