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Original poster

Do you ever worry that another woman may 'tempt' you dh/dp

66 replies

carmenelectra · 12/02/2011 12:33

Wasn't quite sure how to word this, but in view of the many threads on cheating and general infidelity discussed on here do any of you worry about your own relationship? Or are most of you generally secure and trusting.

I always have been very trusting of my dp but I have to confess although I am confident and not usually insecure some of the threads on here do get me thinking.

Am I being naïve is believing that my dp has always been faithful or will be faithful?

I am a hundred per cent confident that he finds me attractive, but I am getting on a bit now :) and I do wonder whether he(like most men it seems) doesn't find me as attractive as he used to. Or as as attractive as a younger woman. Men don't seem to be bothered about embarrassing themselves by having sex with women much younger.

I know insecurity isn't a desirable quality but I have to question whether I am being naïve in thinking that my dp is 'different'.

In view of all the threads where men have played away on stag weekends and business trips, surely I can't be alone in my thinking!Or am I?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 12/02/2011 12:44

I believe that my DH will always be faithful.

If I didn't think that then I wouldn't see the point in us being together, trust is the absolute bedrock of a relationship.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 12:48

No, you are not alone in your thinking

I trust my DH

I don't and never have put up with anything that makes me uncomfortable though (not with him, anyway)

He knows the boundaries and so do I, they are explicit and have no room for manoevre

not every man is looking to shag younger women

not every man is stupid enough to risk his relationship for sex outside of it

I don't take him for granted though, because I do realise good men can get ino a set of circumstances by their own naivety, lack of self-awareness and stupidity, so my trust is conditional and probably not 100%

I don't trust anyone 100% though, people are human and do have the power to shock you

MigratingCoconuts · 12/02/2011 12:52

I do trust my husband otherwise I would not be with him.

This is after a marriage failure due to first husband cheating. I did worry that I might do be able to trust again.

However, I do believe that it would be entirely out of character for my DH to cheat. he does not have any inclination towards behaving so wrongly. As AF said, not all men do behave like that.

nickelbabe · 12/02/2011 12:54

no, definitely not.

aside from the fact he's promised himself to me , he only ever had one other woman, and she chased him! Grin

Granny23 · 12/02/2011 12:55

Just love the way you head this up as 'another woman may tempt him', as if your DH is so weak he would succumb immediately and it would not be his fault but hers. It is regretable that you have so little faith in the strength of your relationship but even more regretable that you feel free to doubt your own DH's integrity. Has he done anything to deserve this?

Leverkusen · 12/02/2011 12:56

I totally trust my DP, I'm not naive enough to think he doesn't find other women attractive- I'm pretty certain he will do. Not younger women though as I am only in my 20s!

He would never put our relationship on the line for the risk of a bit of fun with someone else. He knows he has too much to throw away.

It's the same as me. I have fancied other men but have distanced myself from them. There are men I know who I could have slept with, but I adore my DP and what we have is too special to ever risk.

LittleMissHissyFit · 12/02/2011 12:56

Don't forget carmen that women come on here to ask for help in problematic situations.

If you have a wonderful partner then mostly you don't even need to come on here and start a thread about him.

It's all too easy to allow the sheer volume of threads about the general fuckwittery of some blokes to cloud our view on men, but I'm lead to believe that the majority of guys are not all the same.

[eternal optimist]

pollymere · 12/02/2011 12:57

I always joke that my DH would be more likely to run off with a maths book...

I did lose a lovely boyfriend to a girl who just decided she wanted him, whether he was single or not and I know that my DH has suffered the same type of advances but having been told about my previous experience is at least on the ball and steers well clear.

textualhealing · 12/02/2011 12:57

I had a bad experience when my ex P cheated on me after 11 yeards together. I didn't think I could trust but I started to look at the men I worked with. A lot of them had opportunity and encouragement to cheat with the flirts around the office and almost none of them did. That told me that there are some good ones around although, alas, they all seem to be happily married!

LoveMyGirls · 12/02/2011 12:58

I 100% trust my DH he wouldn't even know a woman was flirting with him tbh.

shitmagnet · 12/02/2011 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 12/02/2011 12:59

I actually don't know why women only worry about younger women

it is just as common I think for blokes to shag around with women the same age and older

two of my friends have been left for women that are older than they are

so really, your own youth is no guarantee

I think there are no guarantees, all you can both do is be very, very clear about what is acceptable wrt infidelity within your own relationship

I am sure my DH has occasionally wondered about whether I have the capacity to cheat, and so he should

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/02/2011 13:16

No I probably worded it wrong in the sense that I don't think my dp would be so weak as to succumb and it would be the womans 'fault'. It would totally be his fault. AF I agree with your post.

Sorry on way to work struggling to read replies!

OP posts:
hifi · 12/02/2011 13:16

nobody else would have mine

Gay40 · 12/02/2011 13:22

I don't think there's any guarantees with anyone. You just have to make clear your standards and expectations and then hopefully find someone that feels the same way.
But no-one is immune from cheating/straying. Everyone has the capacity to cheat, because monogamy is not a natural state. It's a compromise we all make for love, trust, stability etc.
I don't believe anyone can be "stolen" either.
Women never chat me up, because I'm not giving out the idea that I'm available for that, either in words or behaviour.
So these people who say "oh they just came on to me" = shite.

mj1moreornotthatisthequestion · 12/02/2011 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

GandalfyCarawak · 12/02/2011 13:26

I don't believe that Gay40, some women don't really care if a man is available or not. Not many women, but some.

I trust my husband, but I can't say he would never cheat on me because I don't think you can ever say.

robberbutton · 12/02/2011 13:30

I think you should worry about this. Not all the time, not obsessively, but just enough that it is on both of your radars that there will be other people out there you will feel mutual attraction with/to. If you talk about it before it happens, rather than complacently thinking (as I did) my DH would never do that, it will go some way to preparing for it when the circumstances do arise.

tokenwoman · 12/02/2011 13:32

its just as common for them to run off with older, three times the size larger, far less intellegent chav like women.. it depends on the mid life madness and if they (men) can contain it, my exH gave me and our sons up for such a woman took me ages to trust again and even now I have my insecure moments but like shitmagnet if my DP wanted to be with someone else I wouldnt want him
I only hope he doesnt set something up first with someone else if our relationship was that bad and he wanted out
who needs that sort of excuse, leaving to be on your own if you no longer love your partner takes guts but at least its honest

my DP knows just as i know neither of us would be on our own for very long as we both belong to the beautiful people group Grin
but i admit I hate it when OW flirt with him

Gay40 · 12/02/2011 13:34

It's not about women caring if a man is available or not. It is about the responses he gives to that attention.
Yes, situations can be misread.
An example I witnessed: a friend of mine, happily attached, was out with friends when he got talking to a woman. Fine, no problem there. As I walked past, I heard him say words to the effect of him and his wife didn't really talk much and it was nice to chat to someone different.
Whether he realised it or not, he was making himself available for her next move. He would have strenuously denied it, but the opening was there.

themildmanneredjanitor · 12/02/2011 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
carmenelectra · 12/02/2011 13:39

Hissyfit and textual healing very reassuring posts!

I suppose just seeing the huge volume of threads on here would make make anyone paranoid!

OP posts:
amothersplaceisinthewrong · 12/02/2011 13:40

No, I know my DH finds me attractive, he tells me and shows me every day. Yes I am sure he does come accross others and may be momentarily tempted, as I might, but neither of us would do anything about it. I am utterly confident of that and none of the stuff on here would make me think otherwise. After all the whole lot could be made up anyway....

emmyloopsylou · 12/02/2011 13:51

In answer to your Q, no.

Do I think it's possible? Yes. I think it's possible for everyone, even me. You never know, circumstnances, lifestyle, etc, etc. I think everyone has it in them to cheat, it's naive to think otherwise.

Do I spend my time worrying about it? NO. As we both have clear bounderies, know there are certain risks in our lives and work at them not seperating us emotionally ifyswim.

empirestateofmind · 12/02/2011 13:59

An interesting idea and one that I think about from time to time. I don't think DH would risk his marriage and his relationship with his daughters but being on MN for a few years has taught me that there are no guarantees.

Plus I am in Asia where there are plenty of pretty, slim, single girls who would jump at the chance of getting DH and wouldn't be bothered by the aftermath. I have seen it happen to others around here.

I am lucky MIL is still going strong as DH is far more scared of her than he is of me and she would be appalled if he went off with someone else Grin.

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