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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Unpack his bag or kick him out??!!

53 replies

Zephyrrywitchescat · 13/10/2005 12:42

DP blew up this morning over the fact that there was only one clean sock in the dryer for him. He's been arsey over his washing/ironing a lot lately so while he was having a strop I told him he could iron his own shirt - so he's gone to work in yesterday's rather than iron

Anyway! the result was he's 'had enough' and is moving out. I can't be bothered to argue so i've put his stuff in a bag!!!

What would you do if your dh/dp was being such an arse? Would you make him go to a b&b or just let it go over your head?

OP posts:
tissy · 13/10/2005 12:45

I would let him go- he won't get his washing/ ironing done for him at a B+B. He'll soon be back with his tail between his legs.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 13/10/2005 12:45

Leave his bag at the front door and if he doesn't mention it, you don't either.

Then an hour or so later, ask him if he is staying and if so he could take his bag upstairs and unpack it, and if he is not staying could he please go now as you would like a nice long bath and an early night.

Do not pretend you care.

WigWamBam · 13/10/2005 12:46

I'd leave the stuff in the bag on the doorstep and bolt the door so he can't get in. He'll soon work out which side his bread's buttered on.

expatinscotland · 13/10/2005 12:48

Kick him out. You're not a maid, so don't let anyone treat you like one.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 13/10/2005 12:48

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh

WWB

You are well 'ard.

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 13/10/2005 12:49

i like LGJ's answer!!!

expatinscotland · 13/10/2005 12:49

She ain't 'ard, LGJ. I wouldn't let him back in. At all.

Stropy over his washing and ironing not getting done?

Um, no, I don't THINK SO!

doormat · 13/10/2005 12:49

zephy I would leave him to stew in his own juice, probably said it at the heat of the moment

Lonelymum · 13/10/2005 12:49

God you lot are hard. I bet you he comes home tonight and acts as if nothing ever happened. Do you really want him to go?

Kathlean · 13/10/2005 12:50

I'd do the same as LadySherlock.

However I'd take his credit/bank cards out of his wallet without his knowing so that if he goes off in a huff he has no way of paying for a B&B (-:

Just remember to replace them if you make up (-;

expatinscotland · 13/10/2005 12:52

I'd bar the door w/a note with my solicitor's number on it to contact should he need to reach me.

Seriously, if I wanted someone else to look after and get treated like s*&t for it, I'd go work in an old folk's home. At least I'd get a fiver an hour out of it.

WigWamBam · 13/10/2005 12:54

No, I'm not hard - but I wouldn't take a strop over an unironed shirt lying down. It's emotional blackmail - iron my shirts or I leave - and I'd want him to know that emotional blackmail gets him nowhere with me.

Original poster
Zephyrrywitchescat · 13/10/2005 12:55

He will come home tonight as if nothing has happened. At the moment his clothes (his clean washing mixed with his dirty underwear hahaha) are in a black bag next to his sleeping bag by the back door. However I'm calming down and wondering if it's worth the fight!!

I also realise that if I back down now it'll happen again.....

He also said that I obviously don't care about the children because the house is such a mess. He obviously didn't learn his lesson the first two times about aggrivating(sp) a pregnant woman lol!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Zephyrrywitchescat · 13/10/2005 12:56

lol 'if I wanted someone else to look after and get treated like s*&t for it, I'd go work in an old folk's home. At least I'd get a fiver an hour out of it.'

I'm using that one!!!!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 13/10/2005 12:56

Um, yeah, I'm w/WWB on this. Emotional blackmail is for teenagers.

Lonelymum · 13/10/2005 13:00

Am I the only person alive who does not take this aggressive line? I have to say that if there were no shirts ironed for dh and I told him to iron his own, he would do it and not fuss unless he was in a hurry, but that said, I also think Zephyr's dh has a bit of a point (though badly expressed). If he is out all day and she is home all day (just assuming this, I don't know it) then it is not unreasonable that she should find time to iron one shirt for him.

Go on, unleash the dogs on me!

Original poster
Zephyrrywitchescat · 13/10/2005 13:02

His argument on it is he works all day (debatable!) so therefore I should do his washing etc. Ok fair enough maybe. BUT surely as a 40 yer old man he's responsible for looking after himself to a certain degree no?

Does anyone else's dp/h expect it like that or am I being totally unreasonable?

Sorry this has been done a million times, i know, and the more I type the more ridiculous I realise it is!!!

OP posts:
jessicaandbumpsmummy · 13/10/2005 13:03

Im a SAHM, DH goes to work all day - do i iron? DO I HECK!

If Dh had a strop over a shirt or socks he would be given the choice.... do it himself or clear off!

Im not his skivvy.... im jessica's skivvy, and right now she comes first!

doormat · 13/10/2005 13:05

I wash and dry my dh's uniform but iron it no chance, that word is not in my vocabulary
dh doesnt argue back as he knows better

WigWamBam · 13/10/2005 13:06

My dh works full time while I stay at home, but he still does his own ironing. He has to be responsible for part of the day-to-day running of the home; why should I do it all myself? My job doesn't stop at 4.45 like his does - why should I have to do everything for him simply because his job is outside of the home and mine is not?

Lonelymum · 13/10/2005 13:07

I wouldn't like to be spoken to the way your dh spoke to you Zephyr and I would argue with him on that basis, but generally speaking, yes I do all the housework and dh does all the earning. It is called division of labour.

Original poster
Zephyrrywitchescat · 13/10/2005 13:08

lm that's the way he thinks it should be - and I actually wouldn't mind doing it if he bothered to make an effort himself - ie his washing - I would never in a million years expect someone else to pick up my underwear off the floor where i had thrown it and wash it for me - but to him that's what I should do. If he picked it up and at least put it in the machine then fair enough!

OP posts:
coppertop · 13/10/2005 13:09

I used to do dh's washing for him . I stopped when he started to take it for granted and moaned because I hadn't had time to iron a shirt. I told him that he could do his own washing - and he's done it ever since. I don't mind helping out but I refuse to be taken for granted or treated like a maid.

I would go with LGJ's idea of putting the bag near the door.

Lonelymum · 13/10/2005 13:09

I agree with you WWB in that my job doesn't stop at 4:45 (but then neither does dh's. Today he left for work at 4:30 and will be back at 9:30-10:00, I hope. That is not every day ofcourse). But then, I am not working right now, am I? And neither is anyone else Mumsnetting. I pick up and put down my work all day. If dh did that, he would be sacked.

Easy · 13/10/2005 13:12

Well generally I accept that when I am a SAHM, I can support my dh's efforts to support me by washing and ironing his clothes for him.
BUT we did have a barney a few years ago when he got up and couldn't find any clean pants one morning. I pointed out that he could have told me 2 or 3 days before that there were few pairs in his drawer, so I could make sure I washed the right things. I have since kept a larger supply of pants anyway

ATM he is away 5 nights a week, and I am at home. It's my job to make sure there are the right number of shirts/socks/pants etc for him to take on a sunday evening.
However, I spent a day last week negotiating a good deal for him in a nice hotel, to stay every week between now and March. It seems he has a fold down ironing board and iron in his room. I will have no compunction in sending him next week with clean, but unironed, shirts, as he has every evening with nothing to do, so he may as well iron them.

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