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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I really don't like my DPs new job! - advice

58 replies

broodyelle · 04/02/2011 21:04

DP is 20. It is his first full time job since dropping out of uni. He works more than 12 hours a day. leaves the house at 9am and is sometimes back as late as midnight! He only gets Sundays off.

He doesn't get an hourly wage either. By making him "self employed" he only gets paid if he signs up customers to npower. He goes door to door and gets £40 for everyone he signs up. His target is two a day. BUT he has been working there a month and last week he sold nothing, and this week he has only sold two all week. He is making no money! and I never see him, even though we live together. I work weekends to pay for my uni costs.

I asked him the other day where he saw himself in a years time and he said still working at this job. I said that he doesn't make any money and he says that it is character and skill building!

So I said how about five years time and he said he wants to do this job forever!

Before he dropped out we had set out our life plan, graduate 2012, work and save for two/three years, start TTC 2015. I have always wanted to be a young mum and he has always supported this idea.

But now I am worried. I can't bring a child up with an almost completely absent DP. I thought he would get a 9-5 job. This job is not practical for family life! How do I make him see this.

I don't want to nag or be the one who made him quit his favourite job. I want him to make his own decision but I wish he would wake up from this dream he seems to be in!

When I was growing up my dad travelled to two or three countries a week and I never saw him, I always told myself I never wanted this for my kids.

I feel in a bit of a pickle!

OP posts:
OneMoreChap · 04/02/2011 21:06

Asking for a 9-5 job, in this day and age, is unreasonable.

Asking for a job that makes more than minimum wage for those hours, isn't.

friedtoacrisp · 04/02/2011 21:07

20? He's 20? I'm sorry OP he is much much too young. Too young to be doing soul destroying work like this, too young for 'life plans', too young to even think about ttc. Why did he drop out of Uni?

Pictish · 04/02/2011 21:08

No advice - but what I CAN say is that the very very last thing I want knocking on my door is a 20 year old utility company salesman trying to get me to sign over to sodding npower.

He must have a very thick skin to do it. All those grumpy 'fuck off' faces he must see.

There has to be a better job out there for him?

RealityIsKnockedUp · 04/02/2011 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 04/02/2011 21:14

I do hope he doesn't come knocking on my door. I actually thought selling utlities on the doorstep was not allowed any more.

sockapoodle · 04/02/2011 21:17

Give me a minute and I'll find you some links, this is a big scam basically. Get him out now Sad

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/02/2011 21:17

Be patient, he will change his mind.

He is currently in the 'blow smoke up the arse of the new bloke' phase, where his 'manager' is telling him how great he is, everyone is telling him how much money he will make.

If he is showing no sign of changing his mind in 2 months then you need to start applying some pressure to get him to start looking for something else.

softglowsandmaybes · 04/02/2011 21:20

Jesus on a fucking pushbike - why why why are you talking about having children? If you wont be able to support them? What really galls me is that you expect HIM to be the one to support the child, so HE must have the job you want for him? Why is that?

He has a job, be bloody thankful - i am completely Hmm about the £40 per sale and nothing else, there is such a thing as a statutory minimum wage. Am i mistaken?

You sound very immature and you have a LOT of growing up to do before you have children

QuintessentialShadows · 04/02/2011 21:21

You are young. He is most likely a no hoper. He has already dropped out of uni.

Reconsider your option. The uni years should be fun-filled learning, you really dont want to waste your time and your life worrying about a boyfriend who has no other ambition in life than bothering people on their doorstep.

hermioneweasley · 04/02/2011 21:23

unless you live in an area of very high unemployment then i can't believe he couldn't get another job. Whereabouts are you?

sockapoodle · 04/02/2011 21:24

here
I know it mentions a load of named companies but they're all very similar, a load sell phone packages but this sounds similar. If they've been telling him how rich he's going to get in 2 years etc then I imagine it's pretty much the same.
Have a read.
Agree with the others about you being young for life plans but he shouldn't be wasting his time working for companies like this.

StuckinTheMiddlewithYou · 04/02/2011 21:33

You don't "make him see this".

You stay on the pill and go to uni yourself and lead by example in sorting out your lives.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 04/02/2011 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidge · 04/02/2011 21:38

Gosh he'd be better off getting a McJob. At least then he'd have something to show for the hours he's putting in.

And I don't mean to sound patronising but you're so young, why the rush to have a baby? You've got years ahead of you to have children, so make the most of being young and relatively committment free. Finish your course, move to where the work is, have a good time, get some money in the bank, go travelling, have a social life and enjoy being able to do what you want when you want it.

Having children is brilliant but it's also exhausting, expensive and changes your life beyond all belief. Don't rush in to that.

Eurostar · 04/02/2011 21:45

This is harsh calling this 20 year old boy a no hoper - not as if he's sitting at home smoking weed and playing playstation. Dropping out of uni does not mean he is a lazy loser. Maybe he went on to the wrong course - there are a lot of poor courses and poor unis and too many young people build up thousands of debt for little reason. He's trying to work and getting exploited - Alibaba explained it well.

Don't pressure him and let him find his way...and slow down! Trying to control everyone and everything around you is the road to unhappiness.

Schoolgirl · 04/02/2011 21:55

I'm going to try to present a different viewpoint here - my DH's first job was almost identical. He sold utilities door to door for quite some time. I'd agree with the other posters - it was an awful time for both of us. The job is soul destroying, insecure and badly paid. DH would work long hours for very little benefit. The commission only structure of the job meant that many weeks he was on "minus wages" as any cancellations of sales were deducted from future sales.

However, he did this because he had to. I absolutely hate the attitude displayed on this thread - although conversely I do understand it. Many "doorstep" sales jobs are the only ones available to certain categories of the workforce. DH applied for thousands of jobs in every area but because of his background and nationality was only able to obtain this type of work. He left and worked in retail for a while but couldn't make as much money. When we decided to TTC he got a second job as a taxi driver and I saw even less of him...

The good news is that after five years of grafting in various shit jobs he's now in "business to business" sales on a very good basic wage with a much better quality of life for both of us (although still not his career of choice). The difference I think between my and your situation is that your DP seems to have a choice.

I can only presume that he is/would be able to find another job as nationality/background isn't an issue and I would urge you to encourage him to find one before you TTC which is four years away in any event. Plenty of time for him to realise that this type of job can suck the life out of you (literally). DH was particularly crap at it anyway as he lacked that "killer instinct" - might I tentatively suggest that if your DP dropped out of uni before graduating, it won't take him long to realise that 12 hour days 6 days a week with no idea of what you're going to be earning month to month is not an ideal start to your working life.

LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 04/02/2011 21:59

He is not knocking doors till midnight, could he be slopping off somewhere else?

exexpat · 04/02/2011 22:00

Npower were fined for misleading people during doorstep sales a few years ago - story here. I hope that means they have cleaned up their act, but working for commission-only in that kind of job is bound to put pressure on people to be a bit too persuasive.

Maybe it will be OK if your DP sees it as a temporary way of getting some hard-core sales training, but soon starts looking for something better. I think it's usually easier to find a job when you're already working, or at least have some recent work history to put on your CV.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 04/02/2011 22:06

What Daddy's girl said...you stop the door kocking at 800pm tops. Its a crappy job though..tell him to ask at Maccy Ds...they have management schemes.

humanheart · 04/02/2011 22:09

you do what you like OP - if you want to have a baby young then go ahead. i did it all in the right order and at the 'right' age and it went tits up, so I don't think there is a winning formula.

not sure what is keeping him at this job tbh but something is. is it the blokey camaraderie? that can be powerful, if not a bit hypnotic ("you'll be earning MILLIONS within 5 years mate!"). it sounds like a soul-destroying job yet something is keeping him very keen and committed - try and find out what it is. maybe he feels he failed at uni and is determined to not 'fail' again but to give everything his best shot..

I also don't think you're being controlling about not liking his job and wanting him at your side, which is a reasonable thing to want imo!

buy Death of a Salesman and leave it hanging around (or get the dvd and suggest it as an evening's viewing)..

2babyblues · 04/02/2011 22:12

Sounds like he is working hard. He is just finding his feet, he is only 20, I am sure he will find another job eventually. I doubt he will want to do this forever as he is earning so little from it.

Though I don't know why he would be working till midnight, I think there are laws about only knocking on doors till a certain time like 8pm (not sure exactly.

I don't really think the rude comments about his job are at all helpful. He is 20, he is working, he is trying his best, give him a break!! This will be one of our children in the future, jobs are in short supply, people do what they can.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/02/2011 22:16

OP... are you working?

It's not about your age or your partner's but the stability that you have and your ability to provide for your child when you have one.

emmyloopsylou · 04/02/2011 22:21

20 Shock He is too young for that kind of life plan, settling down, ttc in several years.

God that's so sad.

C0FFEE · 04/02/2011 22:30

"why he would be working till midnight,"

Because sometimes they travel a long way!

No advice really but how are these self employed jobs legal?

People are being harsh here it can be a career into sales and at least he is doing something.

ilovesooty · 04/02/2011 22:54

I find myself wondering how much of this "life plan" was formulated and driven by the OP.

And I agree with some of the other posts: it's not an ideal job but at least he isn't sitting on his arse doing nothing.

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