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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband posting things about me on Facebook.

95 replies

fairyfart · 02/02/2011 21:31

Have been informed by a mutual friend that hubby wrote something about me on his wall. I feel a bit stupid now as we have shared contacts on facebook and they will all have read this and are more than likely laughing at me now.
Feel so humiliated.

OP posts:

ScaredOfCows · 03/02/2011 07:22

What a crap situation to be in - the FB is nothing really, although if it is the catalyst that makes you wise up to what a bullying twat he is then it will have served some purpose.

Please don't play games back.

Think about what you want to do for the rest of your life. Do you want to stay with him? Being belittled, bullied, a scapegoat for him?
Or do you want to move on, move your children away from this bad example of a relationship?

StayFrosty · 03/02/2011 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kepler10b · 03/02/2011 07:46

are you actually both old enough to be married?

seriously though i agree with what a lot of others have said. this is no way to conduct a marriage or treat your spouse. your partner should make you feel better about yourself, not worse.

i would divorce him. possibly by signing up to facebook and informing him on his wall "the divorce papers are in the post". :)

Original poster

fairyfart · 03/02/2011 11:28

Thankyou I am going to take the advice given.
Am not going to join Facebook as this will just end up turning into a nasty game, I can see it coming.
Have looked on Women's aid website and am feeling 'stronger' today.
At school drop off this morning I just plastered a smile on and said Hello to 'the likes'.
Agree that there does appear to be a narcisistic (have I spelt wrong) streak in husband and I have to stand up to his behaviour or it will just continue.

OP posts:

Original poster

fairyfart · 03/02/2011 11:29

Oh, and yes, agree with the majority here, he is a knob.

OP posts:

flooziesusie · 03/02/2011 11:42

sometimes I really fucking hate fb.

some of the world biggest utter loosers who like nothing more than short sighted oneupmanship bollocks.

good luck op, I fear you have more than fb to worry about... but it sounds to me like you can get it together!

KikiJane · 03/02/2011 11:46

Regardless of the fact that this was rude and unnecessary, I know quite a lot of couples who aren't friends with each other on facebook. It's fairly normal.

OneMoreChap · 03/02/2011 12:07

The facebook bit isn't an issue. The other stuff is the concern.

My DW thinks FB is stupid and isn't on it. It wouldn't occur to me to dis her on it.

The contstantly being blamed for stuff and the OPs general downtroddenness is what's worrying to me.

nje3006 · 03/02/2011 13:00

Fairyfart I agree with the others that it's worrying to be more concerned with what other people at the school gates think rather than what's really going on for you behind closed doors. It's as if you're ok with how he behaves towards you as long as other people don't know about it. Shining a light on his behaviour could be the best thing that happens.

Glad you have looked at WA, keep reading stuff there, it sounds like some of it may resonate for you. If you are in an EA relationship, it can take time to gather the strength to do what needs to be done. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to take immediate action if that feels too hard but do think about taking a step towards action every day. Surround yourself with support, talk to people in RL, bringing this stuff into the open will help.

Mymblesson · 03/02/2011 13:07

he is a knob

That he is. You ought to post his name and FB id here, then we can all message him with "X, you're a complete knob".

But that might be a bit wicked.

ScaredOfCows · 03/02/2011 15:30

Well done for being proactive. Maybe phone Womens Aid and discuss your situation with someone?

PolarMummy · 04/02/2011 09:03

FairyFart, just wanted to add that I use FB all the time and I would definately be one of the people who would be thinking your OH is bang out of order for posting that, can't stand people who live out their relationship on FB. So while some people did press like to his post, there will be others who will really not like it regardless of what they think of him as a person and will not believe you are loosing it Those are the people you want as your friends and as you did yesterday (hard and all as it is) just keep a big smile on your face for the others. They will forget about this very quickly and move on.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 04/02/2011 09:13

That's a prize of a husband you have there

Seriously, where do these men come from? Is there some sort of dick factory churning them out for waiting women?

Longtalljosie · 04/02/2011 09:25

I would get a mutual FB friend to comment something like "fairyfart had to find out about this in real life because she's not been near your Facebook. Not very nice"

prettywhiteguitar · 04/02/2011 09:53

Why are people still banging on about bloody facebook !!

The op is far too mature for that and has actually done something constructive !

Well done FF for looking into womans aid, that is exactly what you should be doing, he sounds like a passive aggressive knob

I really hope you start standing up to this bull from him and don't waste your life with someone who puts you down.

The best revenge is happiness as I have found out not posting rubbish on facebook for gods sake

Sativa · 04/02/2011 10:05

FairyFart Please don't fixate on the FB thing; it'll now be yesterday's news.

What concerns me is the absolutely mental behaviour of your DH. What on earth is he on ??

Where exactly did it say in your wedding vows that it was ok to accuse your wife of stealing from you if you were careless enough to lose your own wallet FFS?!

I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg and that there is lots more stuff that you haven't told us.

You do sound quite vulnerable though and that is a worry. I'm sure if you feel able to share more you will get lots of good advice on here.

StayFrosty · 04/02/2011 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IntergalacticHussy · 04/02/2011 10:43

doesn't sound like there's much of a future for you in this relationship. Perhaps his paranoia about your snooping is fuelled by something real he's actually doing? sounds like it if he won't even be 'friends' with his own wife!

Original poster

fairyfart · 04/02/2011 19:39

Just like to say thankyou for all the positive posts on here.

OP posts:

girlfromdownsouth · 04/02/2011 20:02

fairyfart you are doing the right thing in staying away from FB and not getting into that "game". But it does sound to me like you are in an abusive relationship. 11 years is a long time and it is hard to see things for what they really are sometimes. I was in an abusive relationship when I was in uni (verbally then physically) and it took me quite a while to wake up and get out.

Take advantage of the womens domestic abuse helplines / websites etc and try and figure a way out of this. It is not normal for your other half to be blaming you for everything and dissing you. Your OH is supposed to be the one who loves you above everyone else. It is also not OK for you to accept the blame for everything when clearly it is not your fault.

Get help and get out.

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