He is behaving weirdly - just don't get it?

[Orchidlady]

Been going through a very rough patch with dp of 17 years and the other day he announced that our relationship has run it's course, said he did not love me or my son and thinks we should spilt up. This was said after yet another drinking session. Our relationship is pretty crap, sex life nonexistent; the arguments have been terrible etc etc. The weird thing is he is now behaving as nothing has been said,he has bought presents flowers etc but the atmosphere is awful. I can barely bear to look @ him to talk to him @ the moment. Just can't to seem to fathom out my feeling

Yes, I agree with you but I'm not advocating a nicey nicey I-will-do-whatever-it-takes approach.

What I am saying is that things will only change if both people want it to change So I think it is worth giving it a go but being quite strict about how long you are prepared to invest; I agree if someone is just stringing you along to road test their new relationship, that is an awful waste of time.

It's up to the op but I always think it seems a bit demeaning to start 'investigating' if there is another woman. If he lies about it, he is a scum bag and you will know he is not genuine about trying pretty quick.

There are so many 'degree' of otherwomaness as well - is he text flirting? one night stand? or long term serious affair? So the op would not only have to discover her existence but then devote time to pinning down the nature and the degree of their 'relationship'.

I don't think we are really disagreeing, it is probably just a matter of emphasis. Maybe it would help to find out as if he is lying about that he is being a scum bag to two separate people, which I think compounds the harm.

I just think op will have enough on her plate without feeling that she has to pin down and analyse every reason why he is doing what he's doing - that's his job, if he values the current relationship.

sorry haven't read all your posts but alcoholics say just about any old shite.

my dad whenst drunk told me he never wanted children and didn't love my mum.

he has no recollection of this which adds insult to injury but it's the nature of addiction, often people behave badly under the influence.

he needs help and unless he's willing to accept it, your relationship can't succeed.

good luck

Orchidlady - just checking in. How are you?