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Original poster

does/did your partner help with baby during the night?

69 replies

sotough · 30/01/2011 19:56

I am wondering how often most dads of young babies help out with night feeds/settling baby during night etc.
I am currently on maternity leave with a four week old DD.
Me and DD sleep in a separate room so that DH has a decent uninterrupted sleep. he does the last feed of the day at 11pm; and then doesn't see us again until he gets up around 7.30/8am. Once a week he is willing to do a whole night of feeds (usually one at 2.30am and then 6am.) so i can have a break. He reckons this is more than most working blokes do, when their wives are on maternity leave. I'd be interested to know if he's right?

OP posts:

clevercloggs · 30/01/2011 20:04

its not really fair for him to get up in the night if hehas to work all day too

existenceisfutile · 30/01/2011 20:05

Mine did virtually nothing in spite of the fact that I'd had a c-section. All he went on about was how he'd have to be up for work the next morning. He didn't even help at weekends though But it's well established that mine is a lazy sod I don't think other people's are quite as bad.

lolabanola · 30/01/2011 20:05

My DD is now five months old, my partner hasn't fed her once during the night, half of the time he sleeps through the crying, lucky for me she started to sleep through the night at 4 months.

lolabanola · 30/01/2011 20:06

Oh yes, i had a c section too, made no difference, he still wouldn't get up.

YankNCock · 30/01/2011 20:07

I was breastfeeding so there really wasn't much point in both of us being awake, especially since he was working full time. We slept in separate rooms for a while at the start (though he did help during his paternity leave and on weekends).

WriterofDreams · 30/01/2011 20:07

My DS is four weeks old too. My DH keeps DS until 2 every night then hands him over to me while he goes to sleep. This was suggested and insisted upon by him, partly because DS is a very bad sleeper and I would get next to no sleep if we didn't do it. I worry that it's too much for him with full days of work but he says that it's fine.

MaeMobley · 30/01/2011 20:09

No, nothing. The cat used to get up with me and keep us company. DH did learn not to say "that was a good night".

TheCrackFox · 30/01/2011 20:09

There isn't much they can do if you are breastfeeding.

I always preferred it when Dh got up early with the babies so I could have an extra half hour in bed.

redgecko · 30/01/2011 20:11

Sounds pretty similar to my situation in the early months with DS. I was breastfeeding though, so there was a limit to what DP could do. I would feed DS around 7pm-ish. Then have a quick dinner and in bed by around 9pm. DP would do the 11pm feed (with a bottle of expressed milk) and was "on duty" to settle DS if he woke again before 2am. Then I was on my own until the morning. The shift system worked well for us, and I thought DP was definitely pulling his weight given he had to be at work in the morning. He did his fair share at weekends as well.

The first few months were generally exhausting. I just made sure I rested as much as possible when DS was napping during the day (and going to bed ridiculously early in the evening helped as well). So I think your DH is probably right (although maybe he could offer to be "on duty" for settling purposes from whenever you go to bed in the evening until around 1am? ).

Bumperrlicious · 30/01/2011 20:11

Well I'm breastfeeding so not at the moment, though once a week or so he will do a whole night. When I am not bfing though it's splitsies all the way! I think when he is working ft it is fair enough because although being at home with a baby is hard work at least you can work to your own schedule and sleep during the day. I would say weekends should be taken in turns though. It's important that he recognises how tiring it is though and gives you a bit of a break when he gets home.

Tras · 30/01/2011 20:11

I have to say that mine did his fair share once a stopped breast feeding. Whilst I was breast feeding he slept in a separate room but after that he insisted in helping. My daughter was a very difficult baby ie reflux, refusal to feed, colic, lactose intolerance etc. If he hadn't helped out I really would not have held on to my sanity. He always said that he goes into work for a break and that I am/was the one stuck at home. Now that I am back at work, I have to agree. The break is brill. PS I know my hubby was great in relation to this. Most of my friends didnt get this help!

Original poster

sotough · 30/01/2011 20:11

thanks for the replies - please keep them coming! i'm beginning to think my DH is being quite good, and that i shouldn't complain that he's not doing more!

OP posts:

MrsAlanKey · 30/01/2011 20:12

I did all the feeds but DH would do any cuddling/settling/nappy after the feed that was about 2-3am. He is at work until after midnight so its the equivalent of the 11pm feed for a normal person. I don't know what most working blokes do but if he isn't going to bed until close to midnight then it seems sensible that he sleeps until morning. When mine were that age I used to aim to be in bed for at least 11 hours in the hope that I would get 8 hours sleep. In a few more weeks he will be doing the 11pm and dd will only wake up once more before morning so you will get 2 decent sleeps with one feed in the middle.

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 30/01/2011 20:12

Mine didnt do night feeds, but at the weekends got up in the morning with him so I could get a few hours sleep. DH worked so I was happy to do the night feeds myself, I could get him fed & back to bed much quiter & quicker than DH could. DH helped in others ways, he did all the baths/bed routines etc.

LeninGrad · 30/01/2011 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ready2pop · 30/01/2011 20:13

Sorry but I agree your DH is quite good.

With my first my DH did nada - mainly because I thought it wasn't fair to expect him to when he was working and I wasn't. Also, I could catnap during the day when DS slept so was more able to make up for disturbed nights than he was.

With my second he would get up, if I physically kicked him out of bed repeatedly asked him to and only then because DD was the worst sleeper in the history of babies and could go weeks without sleeping more than a 30 minute stretch at a time. Even then he wouldn'd do feeds, just try and rock her back to sleep. I still did all the night feeds plus I got up if DS1 woke up in the night as well.

I would have killed for a whole night's sleep once a week.

Hope you get more sleep soon.

Gogopops · 30/01/2011 20:14

Mine did nothing and became an expert at selective hearing - especially ignoring any crying.
That was 14 years ago and he still does bugger all around the house.

bb99 · 30/01/2011 20:14

Dh did none of the nights. A combination of me bfing and him having to work FT in a very pressured job where he had to deal with people in a sensitive manner, so didn't really seem fair as I was on mat leave for a year. Slept in seperate rooms until bubs was in their own room, much more restful than big snoring baby DH!

He did cover afternoon naps for me at the weekend when bubs was awake, so I could have a break.

PuppyMonkey · 30/01/2011 20:15

I did every night except Saturday night/ Sunday morning. I think there's a law that says you have to have Saturday night/ Sunday morning off isn't there? Should be.

emmab5 · 30/01/2011 20:16

DS2 is 11 weeks old, DP went back to work when he was 2 weeks old. Despite working during the day he has always shared the night feeds with me. He also sorts out all three children on Satuday mornings so I can have a lie in - I return the favour on Sundays :)

He also loves cleaning :o

LeninGrad · 30/01/2011 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ready2pop · 30/01/2011 20:17

MaeMobley - I could have cried when my DH woke me up with a huge grin one morning to tell me that our 6 week old DS had slept through the night (he'd had at least 4 night feeds) - made sure I was much noisier about the whole business after that

TabithaTwitchet · 30/01/2011 20:17

I was breastfeeding, so did all the feeds. DH would sometimes take DD out of the room after a night feed to settle her to give me a break, and we would split changing nappies 50/50. He was great!

Maternelle · 30/01/2011 20:17

DH didn't do a single night for my 2 DCs.

HotGiggity · 30/01/2011 20:20

DH does two nightfeeds, on Tuesdays and Wednesday. He also does early morning nappy changes if DS wont resettle (around 5/6am).

He didn't do this for the first 5 months or so, but it was beginning to get to the point where I couldn't function as DS wouldn't really nap during the day, so since just before xmas he's been doing it.

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