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Original poster

does/did your partner help with baby during the night?

69 replies

sotough · 30/01/2011 19:56

I am wondering how often most dads of young babies help out with night feeds/settling baby during night etc.
I am currently on maternity leave with a four week old DD.
Me and DD sleep in a separate room so that DH has a decent uninterrupted sleep. he does the last feed of the day at 11pm; and then doesn't see us again until he gets up around 7.30/8am. Once a week he is willing to do a whole night of feeds (usually one at 2.30am and then 6am.) so i can have a break. He reckons this is more than most working blokes do, when their wives are on maternity leave. I'd be interested to know if he's right?

OP posts:

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 30/01/2011 21:46

Is this actually about how much your DH does at the moment? Or is it about you wanting more support and him basically telling you "No" and that you are lucky to get what you have? Which is not something I would like from the person who is supposed to love me.

LadyLapsang · 30/01/2011 21:48

My DH never got up once, even when I was back at work! Also, never did any baths / bedtime / feeds.

AllSheepareWhite · 30/01/2011 21:51

DH will and offers all the time, but as I bf DD won't have a bar of it and will scream so loudly that I wake up anyway and then it takes her longer to settle. I work now and still get up in the nights. DH is a SAHD and in return does all the cleaning (I do a bit of washing up at the weekends), does the washing, he irons my clothes and makes my lunch. He also gives me mornings/afternoons off on the weekends.

babylann · 30/01/2011 21:51

I'm ashamed to admit DP did all of our night feeds, besides a small handful. I was quite ill and on heavy meds which stopped me from waking up at night and he was more than happy to do it, even when I recovered and stopped taking the medicine, because "he gets to sleep a lot easier than me".

It can take me 2-3 hours after getting in bed to actually fall asleep whereas he gets there within minutes. So he's fine with it.

I'm not even on maternity leave. I'm a SAHM.

I know I'm pretty lucky to have him though. (most of the time)

A1980 · 30/01/2011 21:55

As others have said, if you're breastfeeding there isn't muhc he can do anyway.

Also if you're on maternity leave and he has to go to work all day, it isn't really fair to expect him to get up with you every night. Mum can have a nap during the day to make up for the lost sleep when the baby is asleep during the day. Dad doens't have that option if he works.

Ivette · 30/01/2011 21:59

my DD is 3yo,my ex didnt do nothing.never ;(

lucyintheskywithdinos · 30/01/2011 21:59

DH is ace, I bf both of mine but he woke up for every feed, did any nappy changing, water fetching for me and read books to me too. DD1 was dreadful for just staying awake all night so he would sling and walk her all night, bringing her in for feeds. DD2 was a much better sleeper and even now (she's 22 mths) on the odd occasion that she wakes up he makes sure I'm ok for a drink and keeps me company. He also works full time and I'm a PT WAHM.

Sillyoldme · 30/01/2011 21:59

Whaaat? My DH got DD from her crib, I BF and he settled her. He also does all weekend nappy changes. I hate the 'he has to work all day' attitude: so do I! It takes all my strength to come through each day still relatively sane !

weefriend · 30/01/2011 21:59

With my first I was BF so no point in us both being disturbed. My second was FF after the first few weeks so we had a system whereby I went to bed early and he stayed up to do the last feed, normally about 11pm. That way I got a good stretch of sleep before the night feed. At the weekend we always take it in turn to have a lie in.

Bumperrlicious · 30/01/2011 22:02

While I can understand wanting company or moral support in the middle of the night I'd rather dh slept if he can't do actual feeds, not for altruistic reasons, quite the contrary, I want him to be fresh so he can take the baby in the evening or the noting.

The first month is a bit different. When things were tough in the early stages I wouldn't frequently take dd downstairs and shove her at dh while I went back to bed!

babylann · 30/01/2011 22:04

I don't think it's strictly true that mum can nap in the day either. My DD napped for about 15-20 mins at a time throughout the day in the first month, which wouldn't have given me enough time at all. And I had to use those gaps in time to make bottles, clean the house, do the dishes, think about getting dinner ready for DP and many other chores that DP doesn't have to do because he "works all day".

hellymelly · 30/01/2011 22:07

I breastfed and never used a bottle,but DH did get up and get me a drink etc,if I needed one.Mostly I wouldn't wake him anyway as the baby was next to me and easy to feed quietly,but he was happily on hand if needed to walk around with her to get her back to sleep maybe,that kind of thing.He still gives the dds breakfast so that I can go back to bed and have coffee in bed.

RudeEnglishLady · 30/01/2011 22:10

I am breastfeeding so no point in us both being up. Dh doesn't sleep in our room if he has work in the morning. If he's in our room he might get up to clean up a poo or something.

Every morning, without fail, he gets DS up and changes him and brings me DS and a cup of coffee. Also he is always chirpy in the morning because he has slept.

I'm pretty happy with this.

harecare · 30/01/2011 22:11

My DP never did anything at night until DDs were old enough to be settled by a cuddle and not a feed. Until then there was little he could do. I can't see the point of having 2 people knackered, so made sure he got enough sleep so he was alert for computer coding. I can manage the household in a zombie like trance if necessary.

Bumperrlicious · 30/01/2011 22:22

'And I had to use those gaps in time to make bottles, clean the house, do the dishes, think about getting dinner ready for DP and many other chores that DP doesn't have to do because he "works all day".'

Ah see we very much operate a 'no housework during nap time' rule in our house! It's hard work being at home with baby, certainly in the first 6 or so months and if you are up in the night.

I think they key is not how much the dh gets up in the night but how much they do their share in general. Dh does more than his fair share so I don't begrudge him a nights sleep (well not all the time anyway - he knows it's more than his life's worth to complain of being tired!).

robberbutton · 30/01/2011 22:22

I was bfing but DH always got up and brought the babies to me, even though I'm a SAHM and he works. I would put them back. Or they slept in the mddle of us, we never slept separately. Also he always got up with them in the mornings (DS went through a loooonng phase of getting up at 5am).

I always thought he was really good in that respect.

EricNorthmansMistress · 30/01/2011 22:30

DH is a night owl and would deal with settling/cuddling/walking DS until about 1 or 2am while I slept but I was BF so he couldn't do the feeds!

RobynLou · 30/01/2011 22:38

I bf, no bottles, DH brought DD to me, I fed her, he changed her nappy, I fed her some more.

I couldn't have coped with being alone in a seperate room with the baby, sounds like hell.

DD is now 3.5 and Dh gets up with her much more than I do (bad dreams/fallen out of bed these days...)

My dad always got up with us we we were babies, so I thought that was normal.

Unless he's a surgeon or something then a bit of broken sleep is par for the course, esp once you get on to DC2 - you can't catch up on sleep in the day when you've a toddler too!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/01/2011 22:50

Bumper - I agree. Nap time for DS was nap time for me!

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