Did my husband cheat on me?

[TinyAK]

I've just returned home from a 2 week holiday without my husband. When logging into my facebook account yesterday evening on my husband's laptop another person's email address popped up in the login box. I'd never heard this person's name before so I asked my husband who he/she was (the name could be a female or male). He said he didn't know this person. I asked him if anybody had been in our house when I was away and he said no. He said that it must be some kind of spam so I dropped the issue.

The thing is when I first came home I had this weird sense that somebody had been there, also there was a pile of my clothes for ironing that had been very neatly folded in the spare room. In nearly six years of marriage my husband has never ever folded my clothes like that.

Would really appreciate some advice especially on the facebook part.

Thanks!

Oh dear. I am sorry.

I hope you manage to have a talk and get some answers.

Good luck x

i still think you should ask him straight,explain what you suspect and how awfull it his making you feel,he can either alleviate your fears or fess up,dont carry on like this,i found a text once on dh phone.It seemed very damning at the time but once i tackled him there really was an explaination (not me being a sap honestly).

send an email to the address(es) you found, and say that you understand they offer an ironing service. You are interested in that Please can they call you.

Haha, stubborn :D
They might just ignore it though.

As i said previously, a sneakier thing to do - if you can - would be to see if the browser has also saved the password (if it has saved the login address, it may just be)

on firefox it's under tools - settings - privacy - saved passwords - show passwords.

etc. Don't know about other browsers.

Also, maybe your husband just had a guys' night in and didn't want to mention it? Who knows, though i would definitely be suspicious... :(

It sounds like there was a woman there and she left a "calling card" for you to find...the clothing.

It's very common...women drop things..leave hair clips lying about...or an item of clothing...

it's really hard to spend extended time in someone else's house without leaving a trace. Two wine glasses, dishwasher stacked differently, cushions plumped differently, toilet seat up (or down), things in wrong cupboard ....

but I am not sure that someone else was using your laptop - it would be someone else who had to make two attempts to remember their own email address. unlikely. Seems more likely it was your husband wither operating a second account (what was that address I used again?) or trying to guess someone's password...

But in all three scenarios he KNOWS what that email address is..

If you do email it, do it from an anonymous account of your own.

I have just read this thread - I hope you are ok Tiny AK.
It is a horrible thought that someone else has been in your house with you husband. I hope there is an explanation for it. He is not helping himself by lying about it!!

Did you ask him about the laundry or are you going to keep it to yourself while you think about what to do?
Stay strong - you deserve to find out the truth!

Just confronted husband. He didn't take me seriously for a long time thinking I was overreacting about someone being in the house. Eventually he said that these email addresses might have been created by him but he needed to check - at his point he was searching around on his computer while I went into another meltdown. He kept saying he wasn't sure about the passwords and couldn't confirm that he had or hadn't "created" these addresses in the end so I didn't know what to think and at this point I just gave up. I then said that I wanted us to split up and things quickly escalated. We ended up talking about custody arrangements. I think I might need to continue this discussion on another post. Very sorry for an unsatisfactory and so far inconclusive end to this post.

TinyAK Ive just inboxed you x

Oh Gosh, how horrid for you. I'm so sorry.

He's clearly not telling the whole truth. I hope, I really hope it doesn't come to splitting up - it could be something solveable.

Hope to be able to help or at least listen on next thread. Take care.

If the person you are searching for on Facebook has blocked you then they won't come up on your search or be listed in your husbands friends when you're logged on as you. Can you log on as anyone else? Or create a new account?

oh god im so sorry.what a mess for you.sleep on it and then try again tomorrow.
It sounds as if he let the discussion go down that route rather than discuss what has actually happended.

Tiny, sorry you are going through this. Have you googled the email address (rather than just searching for it on facebook).

If you google it, with apostrophe marks around it, e.g. '[email protected]' you may get results.

I did this with a mystery email address found early hours christmas eve and lo and behold it brought up the website of some 22 year old fecking self professed 'go-go dancer' that my H had been screwing.

But if I googled it without the apostrophe marks, or whatever they are called, it didn't bring up the same result, so you need to include them.

Hope your H hasn't been up to anything as bad as mine, but 'hopefully' he's just been using alternative mails to look at porn or something (hardly a great outcome for you, but might not be a full blown affair).

Hi Tiny, I've just read all of this thread, I'm so sorry you're going through this

Don't let your H tell you he can't remember if he created these accounts and needs to check - he knows why they are on his laptop, so don't let him brush it under the carpet. Did you ask him about the clothes?
I agree with ledkr that he let the discussion go down that route rather than focus on the issue here.
At the end of the day your H has been caught out lying to you and he needs to know that if he wants your marriage to have any chance of surviving this then he must offer you a satisfactory explanation / confess, then you can decide where to go from here. I hope it all works out for you.

Hi Tiny

I am sorry you are going through this.

I'm even more sorry that to me the clothes were a very big red flag - I actually had a nasty physical sensation on your behalf when I read it.

I'm not saying it was done deliberately and consciously. Not everyone is even that self-aware.

But it certainly signals to you that someone has been on your territory.

The address is him, surely.

Take care.

Tiny

So, you go away on holiday for two weeks.

You come home to your clean clothes folded neatly - not something that DH has ever done before or since.

You find an unfamilar log in/e-mail on your FB account.

You confront him, his stutters and stumbles with his 'not sures' 'need to check if I created the account' to buy himself thinking time.

Then he steers the coversation towards you wanting to spilt the marriage up?

He talks about custody?

I'm so sorry but I think that there is another person involved here. Whether he has searched for them or they've been to the house, I'm not sure but he is lying.

If you cause a fuss, it's a green light for him to say that you are being unreasonable, you want to end it.

When in actual fact, it would ease his guilt and make his exit less of an issue, by blaming you, if that's what he wants IYSWIM.

He's lying, you caught him out and now his is projecting his guilt for the lies or whatever he got up to, onto you, making it all your fault.

'If you hadn't gone away, this wouldn't have happened' may well be the next line out of his mouth.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You need to talk to him more, find out what did or didn't happen in your home.

If he has cheated or covered something up, you deserve to know why. If there is nothing going on, why let you believe that there is by lying?

It's rare though, that a guilty spouse will respect the other person enough to tell them the whole truth at the first confrontation.

Be strong and keep posting. There is some fantastic support on here.

I hope you find answers to what has been going on. x

Hows things this morning Tiny?