Why would he act like this?

[SaleItem]

Been in a relationship for around two years, we do not live together but spend a lot of time together at each other's houses. I'm just wondering why he does some things, for instance he got two shower sets for christmas. One off my mum and one off his sister. He got a shave the other night and came out in a rash, blamed the shower gel he had used. I asked which one he'd used and he laughed and said "the one your mum got me" in a snidey way. I asked which colour it was, he said white so I reminded him it was his sister that bought him the white one. All of a sudden he changed his mind, said it wasn't the shower gel that caused the rash but the shaving creme he used????
My mum got me a slow cooker. He used it a few times and decided it was rubbish, he'd never buy one, absolute crap, ruined everything it cooked etc etc. Last week he went out and bought an almost identicle one in the argos sale. I said I thought he hated them and he said "no no, you misunderstood, it's just the one you have, doesn't cook stuff properly but generally they're very good". wtf?
Why would he do this kind of thing? he's not had any falling out with my mum at all so there is no reason for him to act like this, he's only met her a couple of times.

Sounds a little irrational tbh. Has he got some kind of problem with your mum or jealousy about you spending time with your family? Is he otherwise ok? Not generally snidey?

Sounds like an arse to me!

Does he have a pattern of having to be right? Better than you?

I wouldn't like to be treated like this, I think it shows a deep lack of respect for you and things that are important to you.

Any man that acted that way towards my Mum, especially when he'd only met her a couple of times, would be given the heave ho. What an arse.

Last night he offered to give me a massage (bad back). He asked me where some lotion was so I gave him a Dove lotion I had got off my mum for christmas. He said "no, I mean a good one". I told him that was a good one so he said "would you like to use a decent one though? where's your other one?" I said that one was decent so he said "not as good as your other one (the other one is just a bottle of st Ives, nothing special). Anyway he went on and on saying Dove was crap, smelt disgusting, was too watery, didn't go on my skin very well etc etc. I don't understand what issue he could possibly have with my mum, she's been nothing but nice to him all the times they've met.
He is snidey about other stuff, for instance if he cooks spaghetti he'll only use the white spaghetti. I like to use wholemeal but he'll outright refuse to eat it saying it tastes like cardboard etc. If I cook something else he'll say "eww, that doesn't look very appetitising!" etc. Must admit its starting to wear thin.

Sounds like my ex. He had such high standards that nothing was ever good enough, unless, of course, he'd done it.

He sounds....basically unkind. A gift is a gift. He's belittling you but why? Is HE insecure?

Personally, I love the Dove cream in the tub. I also have some Clarins body stuff too, which was a prezzie and I use it occasionally. But it doesn't do the job the Dove does!

Sounds like a battle of wits, to me. And very hard work.

Can you live with this?

Oh god, Sale Item, he sounds absolutely horrible! Why are you interested in him?

And yes, anyone who criticised my mum like that wouldn't be allowed to hang around.

Wendihouse, it's nothing to do with the actual items though, is it? It's about nothing being good enough for him, especially if it's something of hers or her family's.

He is vile, OP - get rid of him and find someone nice!

Has he got any good points?

He just sounds so whiney and ungenerous and picky. Really negative to have around.

I couldn't be arsed with him and I'm definately not thinking father matierial here. Don't know why he does it - suspect its controlling, maybe he's insecure, maybe he wasn't held enough as a baby. Whatever - its unpleasant and, I think, abnormal.

Sorry. Joyless and whiney is a bit of a pet-hate.

Imagine the relationship you'd like to have (for me, it's love, joy, warmth and laughter).

Then ask yourself if he can create that with you.

If not - bin him.

Actually bin him anyway. He doesn't make you happy.

I reckon that he doesn't have an issue with your Mum personally, but that he's is trying to divide you from those close to you already, possibly so that you find it difficult to receive their support later.

Pickiness can be annoying but as long as it doesn't affect anyone else, it can be alright. Difference is, him being very vocal about things which affect you rather than him indicates a big sense of over-entitlement and is ringing alarm bells for me.

He sounds like the beginnings of a controller, and at worst a narcissist. Thank goodness you aren't living together, married or have kids as otherwise you may well be wasting years of your life trying to "change" him because you can remember a time he wasn't like this.

There are plenty more fish in the sea who don't do this. Get rid.

Oh well, the good news is that you're not married and you don't live together. Do you think you'd be happier with him around, or on your own? I'd certainly be happier on my own than with a man like this miserable git.

Sounds like he does not like your family, or possibly wants you to think bad of your family, possibly trying to seperate your relationships with each of your family members. Control, comes to mind

Agreed very shitty behaviour, ungrateful, rude, complete prat even

ep he is setting you up to be isolated from your family and friends support system.

By belittling everything about your life before he met you it's so common with these kind of men.

I would cool it with if I were you sale you won't have a very nice life having to defend everything you've ever thought of before as fine to him all the time.

He sound controlling. I find it odd he had to go out and buy another slow cooker - bit of an effort isn't it? He doesn't sound very nice.

This definitely screams jealous, insecure and controlling to me.

Nothing anyone, anywhere, anytime has done for you will ever be good enough for him (well in his world anyway) when in reality is probably way above his standards. There was no need to demean the items your family had bought you.

I would break from him before he wears you down to his level and away from the comfort of your own friends and family.

He's an ass (not the real word I want to use but the one best used on here.)

All the best for the future whatever you choose.

Does he critise anything else, or is it just items that have been bought/given to you by your family? Or does he critise you personally?

What's his relationship like with his family? Could he be jealous of the one you have with yours?

Run for the hills. Fast. Control freak wanker springs to mind.

I agree with Mumi.

At best a controller, at worst a narcissist.

Google it and see if it rings any bells with your situation.

He has no respect for you. He is not acting lovingly towards you. Is this what you want for yourself? Is this what you deserve?

But to answer your question: he acts this way because of his own issues, which you may never understand. You will certainly never cure him.

Yes, google narcissistic personality disorder. He has it. So have most of the men I've been with, including exh. I just didn't know about it until last week!
I'm not usually as direct as this but I really think you need to end this relationship. He will only get worse, more critical and more controlling and he is consciously or unconsciously wearing away your self esteem without you even knowing it. You deserve a loving relationship. Btw, my exh started with little comments and ended up not wanting me to see my family. And all narcs are controlling about food...

Totally agree with others. Treat this as a big red flag. At best he's mean spirited, and you really don't want to be in a relationship with someone like that.

XH was like this, it really starts to grate once you're aware of what they're doing. DP couldn't be more different - goes out of his way to say nice things and wouldn't dream of being rude about any gift he'd received. That's normal, I'm realising!

According to MN most men have NPD

you don't need a diagnosis here, you're with a man that annoys you through being picky, petty and snide. He also seems to try to engineer frequent little ways to put you down.

Finish it. You have no ties.

googoomama what's that about narcs being controlling over food? I've not heard that before but it's struck a cord

Yes it's true (sorry googoomama for butting in). I've been googling NPD this week after seeing my ex again. They are usually on some form of controlled fad diet - part of controlling their physical body/appearance...