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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why would he act like this?

53 replies

SaleItem · 03/01/2011 12:12

Been in a relationship for around two years, we do not live together but spend a lot of time together at each other's houses. I'm just wondering why he does some things, for instance he got two shower sets for christmas. One off my mum and one off his sister. He got a shave the other night and came out in a rash, blamed the shower gel he had used. I asked which one he'd used and he laughed and said "the one your mum got me" in a snidey way. I asked which colour it was, he said white so I reminded him it was his sister that bought him the white one. All of a sudden he changed his mind, said it wasn't the shower gel that caused the rash but the shaving creme he used????
My mum got me a slow cooker. He used it a few times and decided it was rubbish, he'd never buy one, absolute crap, ruined everything it cooked etc etc. Last week he went out and bought an almost identicle one in the argos sale. I said I thought he hated them and he said "no no, you misunderstood, it's just the one you have, doesn't cook stuff properly but generally they're very good". wtf?
Why would he do this kind of thing? he's not had any falling out with my mum at all so there is no reason for him to act like this, he's only met her a couple of times.

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 05/01/2011 17:23

I would just dump this tedious wanker. Just say to him 'I can't be bothered with your whining and your superiority complex any more, you're chucked, fuck off.'
Because it doesn't actually matter whether he has a label for what brand of depressing bully he is. He's an unreasonable PITA and won't change so the OP would be better off simply dumping and moving on.
And you are lucky OP that you don't live with him or have DC with him, you can cut him right out of your life.
And if he won't go graciously, you can call the police to take him away and sling him in a cell.

humanheart · 06/01/2011 23:29

well yes.. but if he does have even a hint of NPD, or is controlling to any degree, then he will not take kindly to being left or dumped or for anyone to be cruel or humiliating towards him. leaving someone with control issues is a dangerous time and you have to tread carefully: humiliate or sneer at them and they could kill you. I wish I were being overly-dramatic there, but I am not.

I agree with the other posters that his obsessive hatred towards your mother and family does not bode well at all; is an alarming pattern that frequently shows up in people who are controllers and want to separate you from your family. Nothing about your account suggests he has any intention of climbing down but intends to pursue vilifying your mother. RUN my dear, as fast as you can. (it may be your mother now but it will become you ie everything you do, touch, buy etc; as though you are evil and contaminated)

brightandcheery · 08/01/2011 04:03

He is pysochologically bullying you I think. Sorry. I am just seeing it as an outsider looking in.

I just want you to be happy.

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