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Original poster

told a lie - what to do?

19 replies

findingthisdifficult · 30/12/2010 22:54

I was invited with my kids to new years at a friend's house. Said yes at the time but logistics meant it wouldn't have worked. Her kids go to bed at 7.30 to 8 and she was planning that they would go to bed at the same time. My kids go quite a bit later espec over christmas and although they live very close there was room for my kids to stay.

As I am a single parent it meant we would have to go when at 8 when her kids went to bed - my daughter is 9 (nearly 10) so used to later anyway. And they would be the only kids up (plus hers wouldn't go to bed when mine were still up) - so I just assumed it wouldn't work.

I heard nothing more from her and also assumed she had changed her mind since as it was a few weeks ago so made other plans to stay at a friends with older children and all see the new year in.

Now first friend is asking whether we are still coming! I explained about the later bedtimes but haven't yet said we are going somewhere else - she is friends with the other friend too so I can't lie...

help!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 30/12/2010 22:55

I meant there was NO room for my kids to stay

OP posts:

Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 30/12/2010 22:58

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 30/12/2010 23:03

"I'm sorry, but I've already arranged to take the kids somewhere else for New Year, but thanks for the offer, it was really kind of you"?

emmyloulou · 30/12/2010 23:07

So what you mean is you accepted her offer, when you had no others, then accepted a better offer when it came along and didn't have the courtesy to tell her and hoped she'd forgot?

Don't make it worse by lying just tell her the truth.

grumpybrusselsprout · 30/12/2010 23:13

Could you just 'fess up and say that there has been a misunderstanding? Act a bit sheepish and apologetic. Could the first friend (and kids) join you at the second friends at all?

Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 30/12/2010 23:22

emmyloulou - yes I suppose that is it - I did accept her offer but I couldn't see how it could work as it would mean us going home at 8pm. Then I did accept another offer, I didn't hope she'd forget as such I thought she had forgotten or changed her mind as she hadn't been in touch.

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Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 30/12/2010 23:23

I don't know if the first friend could join us as the party we are planning to go begins at 8pm. In theory we could go to both but I think it'd be a bit tiring for the kids.

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Dansmommy · 30/12/2010 23:26

I don't quite get it...you were going to go to a NYE party that ended at 8 o'clock?

Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 30/12/2010 23:28

yes - that is it and that is why I decided it wouldn't work as I'd have been back home with my kids by 8pm.

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BitOfFun · 30/12/2010 23:31

Just apologize and say that as she hadn't confirmed, you made other plans.

grumpybrusselsprout · 30/12/2010 23:32

Could you pop in on the first friend briefly then go to the party? I am sure she will understand- no-one expects a NYE party to be over by 8pm!

Dansmommy · 30/12/2010 23:40

Did you actually discuss the fact that you'd be leaving when the kids went to bed? I've had friends with kids round who have stayed after mine had gone to bed.

This just seems odd to me...either you discussed it(and if so, why not agree at that point that it wouldn't work?) or you didn't, and you're making assumptions about bedtimes etc.

Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 30/12/2010 23:56

we discussed it and I confirmed with her that her kids would still be going to bed at the usual time. As she was only inviting one other couple over (so not party, just drinks) who have two kids who'd be staying over, she explained that there wouldn't be room for mine. I said I understood but said I wasn't sure how it could work as my kids would just be up with five adults and after short time would be bored. Also her kids wouldn't go to bed if mine were still up.

I did explain this but the conversation just moved on to other things and as I heard nothing more from her I thought that she wasn't assuming I was coming. In fact I texted her yesterday about something else and she didn't reply or mention it. Only when I texted today mentioning it, did she seem to still be expecting us.

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Dansmommy · 30/12/2010 23:59

In that case, I'd just say, 'but I thought we decided it wouldn't work, because of the kids.' Because it sounds like that is what you came away from the conversation thinking.

Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 31/12/2010 00:10

thank you for reply dansmommy. Yes that is definately what I came away thinking but I think/not sure that I made that clear. I think the conversation just moved on without me actually saying no.

I will ring her tomorrow morning and apologise and say that I thought we had discussed that it wouldn't work because of bedtimes and us therefore having to leave at 8pm but I will have to be honest about going to second friends which will sound like choosing a better offer (which it is).

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Dansmommy · 31/12/2010 00:15

Yes, it is a better offer...but not because your first friend is horrid or anything.
I wouldn't be offended if I was her. Just wish her a happy new year and tell her that the other party is more child friendly, she'll understand.

Have a nice time, wherever you end up

Original poster

findingthisdifficult · 31/12/2010 00:21

thank you. I hate these kind of things, I tie myself up in knots about them because I feel guilty and feel that when I explain about the 2nd friend I will be having to justify myself etc

Hope you have a good New Year too.

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proudnscaryvirginmary · 31/12/2010 08:00

Everyone ties themselves in knots over these things, you're not alone!

I would do what everyone else says here but I wouldn't do the 'but I thought we said' or 'you didn't confirm' etc, that's rude and possibly inflammatory.

I'd just say 'Really sorry, should've said, we are doing something else as my kids will prob be whooping up til midnight so don't want to drive you mad...we'd love to have you all over on XX Jan blah'.

monkeyflippers · 31/12/2010 08:10

But seeing as it's New Years Eve wouldn't her kids being staying up a bit past their bedtime anyway? It sounds like you were thinking it over too much and worrying about things which when it happens probably wouldn't be a problem anyway.

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