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Original poster

The kind of men that single mothers attract...

91 replies

catinboots · 29/12/2010 21:59

Before I start, I am in a great relationship with a fab man and am getting married in August!

However, I was a single mum for a long time and was chatting about this today with a friend (another single mum).

I had DS1 aged 19 and met my DP at 28. We now have DS2 (9mnths). In the nine years it was just me and DS1, I had a sucession of arsewipe boyfrienda. In hindsight I can see similarities between them. They all were in need of 'mothering'. Not in a good way either. In a lazy-fucker way.

I remember my best friend saying something to me once about a certain boyfriend - - - "it's a certain type of man who goes out with a single mum. They know that if you're already wipeing one arse, it makes no difference to wipe two!!" So very true about lots of men I think....

OP posts:

ninah · 30/12/2010 18:45

see below. have a full social life with friends from all walks of life and sneak the odd bf in among them. well, odd as in occasional ...

earwicga · 30/12/2010 19:36

UnlikelyCrackerzonian - that was an exageration by the poster, but there is an element of truth in it. I've had 3 serious relationships in the last 9 years and my children got attached to them all - we are still in contact with two of them (the other one had serious mental health problems so no contact), so not all bad, but not great either. It isn't realistic to do a relationship in the time left after parenting (is there such a thing?) so I'm not doing it again.

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 19:37

Crikey some of you need to calm down. I wasn't saying anything negative about single mothers - just the men they seem to attract! Most single mums I know are savvy, independent and hard-working. I was merely stating that these characteristics are obviously desirable to your standard cock-lodger.

OP posts:

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 19:38

I'm obviiously not as clever as some of you and I've not seen through these men and have let them into my life in the past!!

OP posts:

Janos · 30/12/2010 19:39

I don't see DC meeting a boyfriend as a massive issue providing it's presented as this is mum's friend and not made into a big deal.

After all, it's perfectly normal to have friends round and about - we aren't sequestered away like nuns, and a friendless existence is pretty grim!

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 19:41

unlikelycracker - you're right it's such a hard call to make and I probably let DS1 meet too many bfs (not hundreds! probably 3 or 4 in ten years!)

But it is so hard to keep your relationship and your children seperate - when they are both such big parts of your life.

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Janos · 30/12/2010 19:42

"odd as in occasional"...of course ninah .

Janos · 30/12/2010 19:44

catinboots, I've dated some wrong 'uns too. You'd be quite hard pushed to find any single woman who hasn't IMO!

hairyfairylights · 30/12/2010 19:46

I've not been a single mum and believe me I have attracted my fair share of knob heads! So no it's not necessarily about being a single mum. It's about an awful lot of stuff.

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 19:49

Fair point. Maybe most men are know-heads

It's just a lot of single mums are more sussed and settled than your average 20-something who has no ties

OP posts:

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 19:50

knob-heads obviously

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sungirltan · 30/12/2010 19:55

i have a gorgeous friend who is a single mum. she is model tall and slim and dresses extemely well even though she has little money to spend on herself. she is bright and funny and works very hard at being a good parent, which she absolutely is. she has two dc by different men. the oldest has never seen their dad and the youngest's father is a prat. she has had a sucession of much younger boyfriends, and i dont mean by a couple of years. the same thing happens every time - they get together and the bf thinks my friend is this amazing sexy woman (she is!) and they often propose or suggest marriage. then what happens is a couple of years go past and the bf grows up a bit, realises they arn't ready to settle down and play house yet and they leave. friend is devastated. friend goes out in town, meets much younger man....and so on.

i'm not judging. i want my lovely friend to be happy, but its such an obvious pattern?

ValiumTinselton · 30/12/2010 20:00

Sungirltan, a pattern for her as a person perhaps- not for her as a single mtoher.

Also, good looks don't make a woman any less likely to tolerate crappy behaviour.

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 20:03

sungirltan - I always went for men my own age or younger. DP is the first man I've been out with who is older than me (12 years older!)

My mum kept saying for years - "you need an older man". And maybe she was right, it takes a mature person to be a step-parent. And yes before you all shout at me, I know that maturity and age are not always linked

OP posts:

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 30/12/2010 20:08

i'm guessing your friends shite taste in men came before the children, especially by the sound of the dad's.

not sure good clothes protect you from shite relationships either

poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 20:24

I was more desperate for a boyfriend BEFORE I had dd to be honest.
Now I'm a single mum I can take em or leave em. I also put up with far less shit now.
This thread is a wee bit patronising.
Before I had dd I'd get off with anything in a nightclub. Now I am much more reserved. I have my family and any man has to be pretty special to be part of it.

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 20:26

How is it patronising?? It's about the men, not the single mums

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poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 20:30

I think that anyone can be a singlemuym because how on earth can you know what stunt your man is going to play next. even the most lovely, amazing men have affairs, get cold feet or fall out of love etc.
Men are humans and thus unpredictable. As are women. plenty of single mums I know have left theman because they simply refuse to put up with crap. Quite right too. We are only stigmatised because being a single mum is a threat to the patriarchy.

poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 20:32

sorry typos.

poshsinglemum · 30/12/2010 20:32

Being a threat is a GOOD thing btw!

sungirltan · 30/12/2010 20:34

the boyfiends have been ok - just the glaring issue with their age and the eventual heartbreak it causes. the most recent one was fab but as we all knew from the start he grew up and left her :-(

i absolutely agree that looks dont protect you from anything. i just think she sells herself short in every sense. we are in our 30's now. plenty of blokes out there with their own baggage - its not like early 20's when having a child is a dating stigma.

if its a thread about the men, then ok - the men she has dated have all been really quite wet!

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 30/12/2010 20:39

because cat it suggests the women are passive objects in their own relationships/sex life/life in general that men gravitate towards.

we're adults, we choose the men we let into our lives or not. we're not sleeping beauties waiting for a kiss.

it is also a massive generalisation.

and think what you wrote - you didn't write the men are attracted to single mums. you wrote, the men single women attract. do you see the difference?

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 21:23

Yes I do see the diffrence. Maybe I didn't word it as well as I could.

But I do still think for a lazy man, a self-sufficent single mum is a far safer bet than a woman without children. Single mums are generally very reliable and dependable people. They can't be reckless and whimsical.

It's just going from one set of apron strings to another. And yes maybe not all single mums fall for these men. But I did.

OP posts:

Original poster

catinboots · 30/12/2010 21:23

excuse typos. Tired

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ValiumTinselton · 30/12/2010 21:31

That's so true PSM. Single mothers are hardly a different species, it could happen to even the most braggy smug loved up respectable woman.

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