The kind of men that single mothers attract...

[catinboots]

Before I start, I am in a great relationship with a fab man and am getting married in August!

However, I was a single mum for a long time and was chatting about this today with a friend (another single mum).

I had DS1 aged 19 and met my DP at 28. We now have DS2 (9mnths). In the nine years it was just me and DS1, I had a sucession of arsewipe boyfrienda. In hindsight I can see similarities between them. They all were in need of 'mothering'. Not in a good way either. In a lazy-fucker way.

I remember my best friend saying something to me once about a certain boyfriend - - - "it's a certain type of man who goes out with a single mum. They know that if you're already wipeing one arse, it makes no difference to wipe two!!" So very true about lots of men I think....

[Janos]

As a single single mum this thread naturally drew my attention :).

There's some truth in this. If you are desperate for a bloke (and sexes reversed of course) you are going to be a magnet for unpleasant types. But then that doesn't just apply to single mums.

OTOH, single mums are often independent minded and have busy lives. Such qualities can be very attractive.

[ninah]

agree with santa
if you want shit stereotypes about lone mothers buy the mail

[Janos]

Must say there seems to be an assumption that all single mums are desperate for a man, any man, which is pretty insulting.

The truth is, many (most?) are quite happy as they are thanks very much - and while having a man about might be nice it's not the be all and end all.

[superv1xen]

i have some friends who were single mums and have seen them settle for some real cocklodging lazy twats who couldnt give a shit about their DC. but maybe they would have gone out with twats anyway, single mum or not, you never know.

[SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan]

there are desperate women everywhere who put up with twats. it's not single motherhood that made them that way.

mind you there might be a correlation between the two because many single mum's get there by way of having sex with a twat.

i feel a bit sad when the whole focus is on finding a man - you have a child, you're a mum, you are a family - enjoy it. you've got your whole life for relationship drama not long to enjoy the precious early years of your child's life.

[GypsyMoth]

actually,as a single mum who used to be married to the biggest idiot around,i've become rather picky!!!

not desperate.....have learned to do my own diy etc .only the best will do

[BreakFree]

Yes I agree Santa, I am hoping to get out of an abusive relationship with the father of one of my two children. It has been many years of a shit time and I just want out no. I would hate to believe that I am only going to attract loser scumbags forever more when I do decide I'm ready to date again. Doesn't give a girl much hope this thread!

[HappyHECmanay]

Surely it doesn't matter who is attracted to you, only who you are prepared to allow into your life? Responsibility lies with you for the person you choose, surely? You don't have to have them.

[BelleDameSansMerci]

Utter bollocks, IMO. Since becoming a single mother, I've only had interest from much more "suitable" men than I was previously attracting. I am a bit older than most of you (at 45), I expect, but I'm attractive, independent and don't need a man for anything except a loving relationship. I can't imagine tolerating any stupid arse man who couldn't look after himself properly or treated me badly.

Perhaps people (not just single mothers) get what they expect?

[ValiumTinselton]

It depends how desperate and needy the women are, not whether or not they're single!

I've been single ages and not one single arsewipe has come into my radar. I wouldn't be interested in an arsewipe.

[ValiumTinselton]

BelleDame+1

[BelleDameSansMerci]

Hec & Valium

[DilysPrice]

I actively pushed my highly eligible male friend to consider single mothers on dating websites on the grounds that he's sterile so it seemed like a good fit - not because he particularly wants to be a father, but because childless women in their thirties were more likely to see sterility as a negative factor. Was that wrong?

(In the end of course he's found a (lovely) childless woman, who I assume either doesn't want kids or likes him so much that she isn't put off by sperm donation.)

[happybubblebrain]

This is a completely ridiculous thread. Catinboots you are obviously too lazy to think. No further comment needed.

[gettingeasier]

Er yep I agree with happy and not sure why if you are getting married etc you started it tbh, hope its not an early attack of smug marrieditis

[ValiumTinselton]

Janos, agree, I find it quite upsetting to think that people out there must assume I'm desperate for a man, any man.

I left one man who wasn't good enough for me. I don't need that again. If and when I ever end up with anybody he'll be much nicer than the average 'dp' because I have such high standards and tolerate no bad behaviour.

[SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan]

ah!!! lightbulb moment!

thank you gettingeasier!

[ValiumTinselton]

Yes, because she was a single mother but she's presumably not like those other single mothers....?

[StuffingGoldBrass]

I don't think it's inaccurate stereotyping to say that some single mothers are desperate for a man and therefore tolerate a lot of crap. Some people (in any social group) are desperate for couplehood and therefore only attract losers, parasites or abusers.

[BelleDameSansMerci]

But, SGB, that's true of single women in general, IMO...

[BelleDameSansMerci]

I mean, as true of single women as of single mothers, if you see what I mean.

[UnlikelyCrackerzonian]

I am not sure about the 'dc must never meet a bloke/bf unless it's a long-term relationship' idea. I really do.

I mean, that would just be pretty unfeasible for me. I am not suggesting at all that you drag a bloke into bed and be in bed with said new man when dc comes into the bedroom in the morning...not saying that atll.

I am just saying, I do want ds to be able to see me form friendships with men and that men sometimes come round for a drink.

I dont know if that's damaging though tbh.

I simply cannot find childcare at all regularly enough to get any kind of 'relationship' of the ground in the first place. If a chap can't come round to my house for a glass of wine because he might meet ds, what the hell do I do?

It's all speculation and figurative anyway as I haven't met anyone and doubt I will.

It still bothers me though - the 'HE MUST NOT MEET DC UNLESS YOU ARE COMMITTED' stuff:
it seems old-fashioned and totally unrealistic to me.

Also, I am very happy single. Cannot imagine a man moving in on my tupperware, laundry and fucking it all up by putting it in the wrong place.

[ninah]

there is a school of thought that says you should introduce quite early on, as if the relationship between the man and the dc is not right it has no future anyway
Personally i have friends of both sexes so were I to meet anyone dc would not have to be flabbergasted at a Man in the House

[UnlikelyCrackerzonian]

Sorry for typos....my premise means of course, that I don't want a committed long-term relationship anymore. I don't...so where does that leave me (and I am sure many many other sinlge pmums like me) with the 'should I introduce ds to the short-term bloke I am seeing' question ?

Would be interested to know how other single mums in the same position manage it with their dcs.