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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Text Message on my DH's phone from female colleague

56 replies

Demi · 28/12/2010 09:37

Background to the story - a week before Christmas there was an office drink arranged for the local pub. It was DH's female colleague's last day before she was going on a long-planned 4 week holiday with her son. My DH was working from home that day and ended up getting caught up in some work problems and unable to make the drinks.

A week later I found the following text on my DH's phone:

Female colleague: I'm not going to make the drinks, still working, please apologise to everyone for me.

DH: Message not saved but presumably he said he wouldn't make it too.

Female colleague: Oh shame, I'll text one of the others.

DH: Message not saved.

Female colleague: LOL! I'm glad we did that! Something for you to remember me by! See you soon.... oxoxo

So, what the flip was my DH's second text all about?

I have asked him, he says that the day before he said goodbye to her in the office and gave her a goodbye hug and wished her well for the holiday - all just in case he didn't make the drinks. Sounds like something my DH would do because he's always bailing out on social things because of work. So he says the text said something along the lines of 'just as well we hugged goodbye in the office'.

Not sure what to think. I have no other reason to be suspicious of my DH, but I'm not totally convinced by his explanation. I just don't think people send texts like that last one over a hug in the office.

Not sure what to think.

OP posts:
YourCallIsImportant · 28/12/2010 09:39

Sounds innocent enough to me. Let it go.

Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 09:41

Thank you.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 28/12/2010 09:43

step away from his phone.

you are being quite mistrustful.

hideyhideynamechange · 28/12/2010 09:44

Would not be bothered by this.

FrostyAndSlippery · 28/12/2010 09:46

I'd say it was nothing... UNLESS your DH doesn't normally delete his sent messages - do they normally stay on his phone? Most phones save them automatically so he wouldve had to deliberately delete them IYSWIM...

Having said that presumably he'd have deleted her replies too.

piratecatClaus · 28/12/2010 09:49

wtf does something for you to remember me by mean tho?

Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 09:53

PirateCat that's the line that keeps going over in my head.

DH says she's quite egotistical and would probably just say something like that.

BTW, I'm not a jealous or suspicious person which is why I'm not sure how to handle or quite what to think about this. I only looked at the phone because the kids were asking me if he had any games on his phone and my curiousity took me to his text messages once there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 09:54

His sent messages are not automatically saved, the box was empty.

OP posts:
Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 09:55

Also, to add. My DH is very short and sweet in text messages. I can't imagine how he would have phrased something about giving each other hug a goodbye in just a few syllables. Or why he would have bothered to say that much.

OP posts:
VictoriasLittleKnownSecret · 28/12/2010 09:55

My phone deletes messages without saving so don't read anything into that. He would have deleted hers as well if he was deleting his own

It all sounds very innocent to me

FrostyAndSlippery · 28/12/2010 09:56

Did she get him a Christmas present and that's what he can remember her by?

piratecatClaus · 28/12/2010 09:57

well i guess you have to try and trust him on this one, although that bit would be going round my head too. I would find it hard to understand what that meant.

SlartyBartFast · 28/12/2010 09:58

you have asekd him to explain.
accept his answer

Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 10:00

PirateCat that is what I have basically concluded.

I actually told him that I have no choice but to believe him but the element of doubt will mean it's filed somewhere in my brain forever more!

I don't have a friend IRL to discuss it with which is why I just wanted opinions on here. Obviously I'm glad the general feeling is that it is probably innocent.

OP posts:
piratecatClaus · 28/12/2010 10:16

i am not convinced, but you asked for opinions. I hope you sort it out.

Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 10:19

I'm not convinced either.

I think it's an odd thing to say.

But without anything else to support either my fears or his explanation I have no choice but to accept his explanation.

OP posts:
domeafavour · 28/12/2010 10:23

Innocent

CraigRevelPan · 28/12/2010 10:24

"BTW, I'm not a jealous or suspicious person.."

if you are making something out of this and spread it on the internet I would beg to differ. And there is no such thing as 'out of character'.

You are also continuing the damaging effects of your lack of trust in dh by saying you have "no choice" but to believe him, as if an alternative scenario remains open to you.

Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 10:31

Well, we've been together 15 years and this is the first time I've ever had something that's made me question his integrity.

So, no, I'm not a jealous or suspicious person. I'm reacting to something I'm not convinced about and it's causing emotions I'm not used to.

And I don't think that posting annoymously because I feel the need to get other opinions is exactly 'spreading it on the internet'.

OP posts:
emmyloulou · 28/12/2010 10:32

Maybe they all went for lunch or something and he has not told you because of your reaction thus far?

I don't condone lying but maybe an explanation. It dosent sound like he gave her one for the road, if that is what you are thinking.

Vicbic · 28/12/2010 10:32

Sounds completely innocent to me too. I have lots of texts on my phone from male colleagues which could be taken thoroughly out of context if only one half of the conversation was read.

SlartyBartFast · 28/12/2010 10:32

but how can mumsnet know the answer

Original poster
Demi · 28/12/2010 10:35

Mumsnet cannot know the answer.
But I guess a problem shared is a problem halved and I feel better having discussed it with 'someone'.
I needed to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
LoveBeingADaddysGirl · 28/12/2010 10:36

I thought the same as Emmy tbh

CraigRevelPan · 28/12/2010 10:37

you are suspicious and jealous. Right now. Your posts tells us this. get used to the feelings because that is how you are choosing to be. 'spreading it on the internet'. Um...erm....where are we exactly now? Or are you posting in your hometime of Denial only?

I'd be banning you from reading my mobile, if you show you can't be trusted to. dh should be telling you this instead of justifying himself to you.