Anyone else ever been in this situation?

[ILikedIt]

I have name changed for this as I am a reg.

Been with my partner a few yrs we are very happy. I am bi and have always been open and honest with partner about this. I have told him if there is someone i like etc, he has never stopped me having my fun. Which has only been a few times and was always with the same person.

I have this friend, Friday night was at a party and we ended up kissing. I have known her a year and always ignored the feelings. Thinking she was never likely to respond in the way I would have liked.

Now I am in such a state as I know I want a bit more than just a drunken kiss. She is bi-curious and we have exhanged a few texts since then. Some just normal chit chat some racey.

Thing is I am so so nervous. I get all anxious when I am with her and she text me to say she likes me, I make her laugh etc. So with my partners blessing this is going to go further and I am so nervy.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation?

I just needed to get it off my chest.

So you've essentially set up this relationship under the proviso your partner fully accepts that he can never fully satisfy you on the grounds of not having a vagina and that at times you may be driven to cheat on him as he simply cannot provide what you need. How is his self esteem? I would personally demand more for myself.
If you are not fully satisfied by your partner and do not value him enough to forsake all others, both male and female perhaps you should not be with him for both your sakes.

This really isn't a good place to be talking about being bi. I'm getting a roasting for it on another thread. I hope it all works out well for you though.

QS, you are not getting a roasting for being bi on your thread

No one is criticising her for being bi...

QS...your attempt to derail the thread, because you didn't hear what you wanted on your own, is out of order

grow up, will you ?

*Add message | Report | Message poster ILikedIt Mon 27-Dec-10 02:56:38
Truly, thankfully my partner is understanding as he has never put me in a situation where I would have to deny my feelings.

I am lucky too as he is so understanding.*

I think you have a poor understanding of what a real/committed/primary relationship is.

When you're in one; even given urges or opportunities, one doesn't take them because of respect for that relationship.

Now this can often cause angnst/discomfort and a bit of temporary unhappiness; and you feed this back into the primary relationship.
Usually a low point.
If the relationship is good; it's a low, festers, boils a bit and then it grows/gets better; moves onto an entirely new level.

It's an itch you want to scratch; but the primary committment stops you.

Later; you're Partner scratches it better than you ever could; because of the whole process/cycle/growth of the relationship.

Scratching your own itch, doesn't give it that chance; so no. I don't think either you or him have an understanding of a relationship. I think you have an accomodation.

I have no issue whatsoever with the op's sexuality, just with the manner in which she is conducting her relationship. Bisexuality is not a licence to be unfaithful as far as I am aware? I could have a sexual preference for men with ten inch penises (!) but this doesn't mean I am entitled to seek out and sleep with men who measure up just because my partner cannot meet this particular requirement!
You are in a relationship which involves taking at least some responsibilty for the feelings and happiness of two people, not just taking care of your private satisfaction. If you cannot handle the responsibility, be single!

It's got nowt to be with being bi, but it IS going to end in tears. And does the "bicurious" mate know she's being wheeled in for cheap thrills and sharing?

hi to Truly!
I agree with everything you say!!!!
whatever it is!!!!!!

hi socky

loving your use of the !

hope you had a lovely, arse-licking crimbo, just how you like 'em

I keep imagining Trulyscrummy and Batman sitting together in a shed somewhere playing spunk the biscuit.

Although not in a pervy way, obviously...

Blimey! Batman!? Where did that come from? Not really my bag, that, tho the visual image does make me chuckle.

Blokes always think its a great idea, while they imagine they can join in. This fervour usually lasts until their wives leave them for the other woman, taking the kids with them.

OK, to be completely honest the reason I am so against this is because I did something similar when I was a bit younger, and it ended very badly, despite everyone saying they were cool with the arrangement to start with.
My (male) partner was ok with it to start with, as you might expect, but after a while actually started to feel quite upset and a bit insulted by me running around with someone else, regardless of gender, and questioned whether I really respected him and took him seriously or was just using him as someone reliable and convenient who would always be waiting for me to go back to him regardless of how I treated him.

The girlfriend said initially she didn't care about it not being an exclusive relationship, and that nothing else mattered as long as she could be with me in some way (that should have been a clue, I know), it turned out she was in quite an emotionally fragile state and got very attached to and dependent on me, and was really, really devastated when I broke it off to save my 'real' relationship. I think of her sometimes and hope she's OK, but have felt that making contact again would do more harm than good, she's better off without me.

I am not at all proud of any of this, and in fact feel like a real idiot when I think about it - I messed around with real people's lives and feelings and caused a lot of hurt, just so I could experiment and play at being all naughty and edgy and congratulate myself on being so non-conventional. I wish MN had been around at the time to tell me to just grow up and behave in a decent way.

That's just my experience, and it may be different for the OP and her partners - I'm just saying be careful, relationships are not a game and there's lots of potential for people to get hurt.