Anyone else ever been in this situation?

[ILikedIt]

I have name changed for this as I am a reg.

Been with my partner a few yrs we are very happy. I am bi and have always been open and honest with partner about this. I have told him if there is someone i like etc, he has never stopped me having my fun. Which has only been a few times and was always with the same person.

I have this friend, Friday night was at a party and we ended up kissing. I have known her a year and always ignored the feelings. Thinking she was never likely to respond in the way I would have liked.

Now I am in such a state as I know I want a bit more than just a drunken kiss. She is bi-curious and we have exhanged a few texts since then. Some just normal chit chat some racey.

Thing is I am so so nervous. I get all anxious when I am with her and she text me to say she likes me, I make her laugh etc. So with my partners blessing this is going to go further and I am so nervy.

Has anyone else ever been in this situation?

I just needed to get it off my chest.

Dittany cant you be more supportive!? Is your angle (a misguided) 'moral crusade' or sincerely meant paternalistic advice?

ILikedIt: so it realistic you and gf spending night together soon? Go girl!

I can hand on heart say I don't watch porn - why would I need to I have all I want in my life already.

Look adults consenting to something is different to playing a game where someone gets lured into something.

He will one day be involved maybe not with this lady as well I don't know that I want to share her.

Having a crush is an emotion. Don't you want to feel like a carefree teenager again Dittany/Iliked It

Dittany, note I said feelings not emotions!

I am the problem or rather my nerves are.

Dittany I'm a married bloke and you - as I interpret - have just accused me of banging one out over this issue. Your prejudices are duly noted. IlikedIt: anything I can do to provide further support? N.

which defunct forum that - sorry I have no idea which one you mean.

At the end of the day it is going to happen, I just need to sort my nerves out.

Forum defunct!? Fuck me. I used to buy it so much more than Mayfair as a teen. But I digress...

oh right its a magazine haha

I think, Ilikedit, its a fait accompli. So end of story really. But I've found myself increasingly passionate about this issue and happy for your welfare. Ill say hello tomorrow but can I be of further assistance before I retire? PS Forum was a magazine specialising in sexual relations. RIP!

Oh yeah, and Forum first made me aware - as a fifteen year old - of a nudist health spa called Rios in North London. And fifteen years on, I might go tomorrow if Im brave enough!

I'm with Differentnameforthis & Dittany on this. Being bi doesn't mean you have to have sex with the person you are in a relationship with and someone of the opposite sex - it means you are happy to be in a relationship with someone of either sex.

This isn't 'just sex' either - you clearly want more with her/feel more for her - it will lead to heartache for one of the three of you - I really hope it's not your (foolish) partner or this 'lady'.

I'm with Dittany too...I don't even think this IS a woman! I don't know one lesbian or bi woman ho would refer to their partner as a "lady"..

It's probably truelyscrummy & his wet dream.

OP, you didn't answer my Q

"Are you happy for him to sleep with other women? Or men?"

On a one-on-one basis, I mean. Not as a threesome.

Why should dittany be supportive of something she doesn't support? Isn't she allowed to voice her opinion? Which I agree with to a point, especially the part where she points out that it sounds like the OP is already planning to involve her dp at some point, when she hasn't even met up with the 'lady' yet, let alone knows what she is expecting!

trulyscrummy, are you the OPs partner?

Not sure how I feel as we only have your word that your DP is truly happy for you ro be unfaithful (as opposed to resigned to letting you or losing you).

And absolutely concur with those you say that just because its 'same-sex' cheating, it doesn't make it any less unfair. I love my DH very much and would never cheat or expect him to tolerate me sleeping with other partners, but that doesn't stop me fancying people or having the odd crush/sexual urge. I don't like the way you try to justify needing to fulfil your sexual urges as though your crushes are more valid/necessary than me wishing that every now and then I could sleep with someone blonde/taller/different to DH - just to get that 'new partner thrill'.

You also seem to have feelings for this woman. I can't see how it can end well for anyone. For her especially as she is likely to fall for you given that you are going to be her first female partner and you are not available.

What did you want from this thread? Because you aren't really accepting that others would have major concerns in this situation. It sounds like you just wanted to brag - fine but maybe make that clear so that the people who think it will all end in tears know their advice isn't welcome.
FWIW I'm with Dittany on this. I know some people have open relationships, but it sounds like yours is very one sided, there are a lot of assumptions, and you are assuming your DH will be fine with this because wife lesbian action is what every man secretly wants, isn't it?

This does seem very odd to me. I consider myself bisexual, although I have never had a relationship with a woman. My boyfriend said to me if I was to do anything with a woman, if I told him beforehand, he didn't count it as cheating, and he wouldn't be hurt by it because it's something he physically couldn't give me - but I just found that odd and missing the point. (And I think he probably would be hurt even though he thinks he wouldn't be).

Why would I want to sleep with a woman any more than I would want to sleep with another man? Why are the rules different for different sexes?

I am also uncomfortable with the idea of different rules for different sexes (I am also bi and in a long-term relationship with a man btw). OP, would your partner be equally happy with this if the new person was a man? Because otherwise it seems like he (and you) are saying sex between women doesn't count as 'real' sex, or a woman is more like a sex toy than an actual person in her own right, hence it not being 'really' cheating.

Also dislike the notion that being 'bi' means you somehow have to have partners of both sexes and are incapable of being faithful in a relationship, this is quite a widespread stereotype actually and quite annoying. That's not what it means to me - it just means that the person's gender is irrelevant, and if I like someone I like them. But it doesn't make me any more likely to be unfaithful to my partner.

Like you said, you're all consenting adults so do what you like, no one can stop you. But I agree with dittany that the way you talk about your new partner doesn't speak of you having much respect for her as a fellow human being, more as a fetish or the object of your/your partner's fantasies, or a fun new toy for you to 'share' or not. I wonder if she might look back and feel she was badly treated in all of this. Do you mind if I ask how old she is? And you and your partner, for that matter?

Wow! I hear all the dissenting views, but shouldnt IlikedIt be given some support, especially if she has felt obliged to go 'undercover' on this? And no, I'm not an interested party. Suppose you ladies are more 'intuitive' tho...?