DH talking about throwing DS out of the house

[losingson]

DH and DS have a lot in common - same sense of humour, common interests, - and both very, very stubborn. DH is a bit of a fair-weather dad, great with the good bits but can't cope with bad.
DS is 17, isn't working hard at school, and is inconsiderate at home. He has a part-time job so we don't given him any money, however, he does treat the place like a doss house. After an argument on that topic a few days ago, he slammed his bedroom door so hard a that he has cracked the frame. As a result, DH is saying that he wants DS to leave and is thinking of changing the locks - and he is NOT joking. DS says he has already started to look for accommodation and has got as far as finding out that there is assistance available for kids whose parents have thrown them out (not sure if this is true or not)

I am in total shock. This does not happen to my family. If DH kicks DS out, I don't think I will be able to stay with DH. Yes, DS has to learn to have a more respect - but I really don't think he's done anything like bad enough to be kicked out of his home. DH won't talk to DS, and if I try to talk about it, all he'll say is "the sooner he F*&%s off out of here, the better".

I am gutted and in shock, really don't know what to do.

yes, truck, I do thanks

actually my parents could not do right and could not do wrong

such is the task of raising teenagers

chucking 'em onto he strees ain't the answer though

nor is prioritising your relationship with a man over your relationship wih your children

but that is a different thread

streets

I reckon you've all been drinking. I'm gagging for a beer but must wait.

I'd never kick my children out either. I think the DH has overreacted. But some people can't deal with teenagers.

Anyway I hope they sort it all out ok, that's the main thing.

what you waiting for truck ?

er, yes I hope they sort it out too, like I said earlier

Snowed in, Sleep overs, work, driving family around, its all conspiring against me
Next beer will be Christmas Day.

aww truck

it will taste all the sweeter !

< pours 3rd glass of red >

Thanks I've about 6 bottles of red in the kitchen, I must stay strong. But god it's boring.

My parents used to tell me loads of times to "leave if you don't like it, this is our house and we do as we want here". In fact they used that phrase every time we had a discussion about anything. It was their favorite phrase. They seemed to get a power kick every time they used it, as it finished the argument and I had nothing else to say to that.

One time I said to them, next time you tell me that I will leave.

Next time it happened, I did.

They were flabbergasted. They spent years complaining that I had left, pleading with me to come back, trying to make me feel guilty by telling me how terrible parents I made them feel. It was pathetic. It showed me that they had never really meant it, and that they were using that phrase just in order to win arguments and hurt me.

Those of you so fond of telling your children "if you don't like it, leave"... be sure you mean it. I haven't forget what they did and what happened. My parents told me so many times that their house was not MY house, that I never felt at home there.

I haven't forgotten, that is.

DS should fix it or pay to get it fixed, once done, DH should get over it. End of story.

Just wondering how losingson got on. I hope it's been resolved for you all and that 2011 is fabulous for you all too.x

He doesn't sound any different to most teenagers tbh. Does your dh feel undermined, stressed and worn out? It doesn't sound like a rational thing a loving parent would say. He's obviously at the end of his tether. However bad it gets though, I would never threaten my dc with homelessness or being put into the care system if they didn't behave the way I wanted them to at all times. It's cruel and bullying behaviour, but has obviously come from state of despair on your dh's part. I hope you've managed to resolve it peacefully.

hi, sorry, haven't been on MN for a couple of weeks. Thanks to all for your support and for asking how things are. Well, DS still with us, Christmas was OK, not fantastic but not dire either. Celia, DH is a bit worried about his work situation, and I agree, DS not much different to most other teenagers. DH doesn't "do" difficult stuff, he's great when things are great, but doesn't cope with any kind of relationships well when the going gets tough. DS still needs to grow up, DH still needs to calm down. Really appreciate having so many people on here help me through a difficult few days, thanks xx

Glad to hear that Ds is still at home. I hope that all things resolve themselves well soon.