Namechanger. It's taken me a lot of courage to write this post as I fear the floodgates will be opened and I'll have to hoist my head firmly from the sand.
Been with DP about 7 years. Was besotted with him to begin with, never felt such a connection with anyone else etc. I definitely chased him and he played it cool for ages until he admitted he was also falling in love with me.
Have a DD 2.5, unplanned but we were both very happy.
Since DD was born I've struggled with my feelings towards DP. In the first few months (as I'm sure with many, many couples) we argued a lot, and were not particularly kind to each other. I lost my job before I went on maternity leave, and really really struggled to adjust to being a mother and having the loss of my identity that was tied up with my career. I really relied on DP as he was providing for us, but I couldn't work out if I still loved him or not. I hoped that this was due to having a baby and that eventually we would return to how we were.
I found a new job when DD was a year and since then I've gradually felt a return to my old self. But unfortunately as my confidence has returned my feelings for DP have got more ambiguous. I know I care deeply for him, we still get on well and we have a nice life. But I don't think I love him, and I don't feel passion towards him. I had a few problems post birth with the damage I suffered, and this had quite an effect on our sex life. It's still very infrequent, but I think I'm using the birth damage as an excuse now TBH.
I was just coasting along really. I totally love DPs family and we have great friends together, and without major issues breaking up wasn't something I'd really considered.
But then DP proposed to me. I didn't realise to beging with, there was no ring and he kind of whispered it so I had to keep asking if he was serious. But instead of elation I felt crushing disappointment. We were on holiday with his family (alone at the time he proposed) and I said yes. I felt no option really as saying no would have effectively been ending our relationship there and then.
Then the whole thing has obviously grown wings and both our families are very excited and involved.
I'm really scared. I don't imagine us together forever. Sometimes when things are going well I feel really close and then I think 'yes, I can do this, it's the right thing for me and DD'.
But recently I've been feeling more distant and sad. DP has done a few things that show lack of caring/understanding of me. I have had discussions about how I'm feeling unsure, he has become very upset. He is generally a good guy and is totally trying to make amends, but I don't know how to tell him it won't make a difference.
I know this is a total cliche, but I've started to fancy someone else (my boss).
I know this is ridiculous and I am trying to completely cut it out of my head, but it has intensified my feelings that my relationship with DP isn't right any more.
I feel so scared. Do you think that this the relationship is salvagable and that with work I can get the feelings back? The wedding (8 months time) is now putting pressure on to make my mind up. Even postponing, after paying so much money in deposits and involving all our family, would still be a major issue as we'll obviously have to explain why to the 100 odd guests.
How do you do it? How do you hurt someone you care about so much? How do you explain to your family who are working so hard on helping with the wedding that you can't do it?
Crying now. I know I've been an idiot for going along with it until now, but I've totally been supressing all my fears about it.
Thanks if you got this far...