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Original poster

What is your DH/DP like?

93 replies

Thistledew · 16/12/2010 19:55

I was having a conversation with a friend earlier, who was bemoaning the fact that she cannot find a man who meets all her expectations. She wants someone who is ambitious, but likes them a bit 'jack the lad'. He must be gregarious, have a life of his own and not be clingy, but at the same time go out of his way to spoil her and make her feel special. She likes the 'alpha male' type, yet can't stand a man being in any way controlling, and does not want to do any of the running in the relationship.

I am beginning to wonder if such a creature exists?

I am lucky that I have a v lovely DP, who completely grounds me, and makes me feel very secure. He puts a lot of effort into making me happy. I know that when we have children he will be a wonderful father and be fully involved in running our family life, and that this will mean the happiest family life for me. I love him very much for this.

However, in the early stages of our relationship I did wonder if I was compromising a bit, as he is really not as outgoing, ambitious and 'alpha male' as the guys I had previously been attracted to.

So, what do you think? What are your DP's/DH's main character traits, and why are they important to your relationship?

OP posts:
Bonsoir · 16/12/2010 21:05

Yes, the Church is horribly political - you'd have to be a very strong character to make it to Archbishop of Canterbury/Pope or whatever. Despite all the fuzzy stuff people want to believe about Love and God and Jesus.

Sportspeople often become quite insignificant after they have retired. I don't think of them as leaders of communities.

springlamb · 16/12/2010 21:10

Well DH runs his own company....he is constantly surprised at how he's ended up doing that, it was never his plan. But it is a weirdy company which mostly involves dealing with weirdy people.
Alphas don't interest me. They can be very difficult to keep up with as they have the Image to protect.
I prefer the 'Power behind the Throne' type, upon whose sage advice Alpha depends.
When I met DH (eek, in 1984) I started the evening determined to get orf with the Alpha in his group. I got waylaid talking to his friend and never got back to my original plan.
And DH remains much more interesting. Saw Alpha yesterday - he is 45 now, I think I had a lucky escape.

Pantofino · 16/12/2010 21:11

Mine is very hard working and ambitious. Total perfectionist which can be a pain at time as he expects dd and I to "conform" to his high standards sometimes. Though he is definitely hardest on himself. I tell him to get stuffed if he goes too much over the top. Grin He is very clever - Mensa member - but sometimes seems lacking in common sense.

He is great round the house, (much tidier than me) and certainly does his fair share. He is happiest at home, playing with dd, watching the footie, doing the garden. He likes a night out but prefers quality over quantity - a nice meal/gig/comedy night/cinema once in a while as opposed to going to the pub every week.

He travels a lot for work so I guess he just enjoys his down time with us. He is very affectionate. He can be a bit thoughtless sometimes, then other times he totally surprises me by doing something extremely lovely.

Truckulent · 16/12/2010 21:20

Well we can't all be Alpha males, you need some Betas to make them stand out, the most AM male I've ever heard of is Lequeen's DH, I reckon he's the real James Bond.

pointythings · 16/12/2010 21:29

I don't think I could live with an alpha male, I like to be in charge. Xmas Grin

NinkyNonker · 16/12/2010 21:32

Mine is very clever, yet practical. He can make, design or fix anything.

He is very confident, in a quiet, restrained way. Kind of, he won't let anyone push him around, is happy with who he is but isn't cocky with it. Will stand up for himself (verbally) but never really needs to as he never lets anyone wind him up, cause he's happy with himself, if that makes sense?

He is funny and more sociable than me, but without being a party animal. He is popular, I think because he is kind, genuine, funny etc.

He is calmer and more grounded than me, I am suffering from anxiety at the moment and he is a great antidote as nothing can't be fixed.

He is completely, 100% reliable and I trust him implicitly.

He is decisive, and doesn't faff around or look back and over-analyse the past because he is confident we have done the right thing. But isn't afraid to admit if he screws up...he just doesn't do it very often!

He is successful, but has decided to retrain to give himself more time to focus on the family, live a little. Very financially savvy.

He's a great father to our 4month old PFB, genuinely brilliant.

Basically, he's great. Grin I've lucked out. And amazingly, he thinks the same!

I couldn't be with someone I didn't respect.

aurynne · 16/12/2010 21:33

I like Alpha Males as friends, but I couldn't have one as a partner, as I think I have traits of Alpha Female myself and we would get on each other's nerves.

My partner shares most of AnyFucker's partner's traits (which I already had figured out from some of her previous posts... we are lucky women ;), although my DP can at times be so generous with other people that they can make a fool of him. For some reason he does not see himself as deserving as people he loves, and he can give a bit too much sometimes and forget his own needs. But that's why I am here too, to remind him from time to time that he also deserves time to himself (and time for me).

He is immensely proud of his job and is great at it, and for a while that meant he worked all hours. Fortunately he has understood that is not acceptable for me, and now he is great at his job, but he is also great at spending time with me. He has just been given a big bonus at his work this year, and I am so proud of him! I really don't know how his company would manage without him.

I'm off to write him a text telling him how much I love him. I can't wait for Christmas to spend some relaxing quality time with him!

izzybiz · 16/12/2010 21:33

howannoying I think we may have the same DH.....

Kingsroadie · 16/12/2010 21:33

Helzapoppin - are you married to my husband?! Wow - very similar... Same as yours - same job etc.

Can be "introverted" but also extroverted with his own friends.

Adores his daughter and is amazing with her.

Loves sport - watching and doing.

Likes to be the "hunter gatherer" (eg going and choosing his christmas tree etc) Grin.

And he's still at work - miss him!

follyfoot · 16/12/2010 21:35

Mine's normally quite nice but when I asked him if he could sort out the blocked guttering (bearing in mind I do most of the other household jobs) and his response was 'is there any reason why it should be my responsibility to do this?' I think being a bit of a prat is one of his traits....

NinkyNonker · 16/12/2010 21:36

I'm in agreement with Malificence, she actually described my DH better than I did. Grin

DH is also a better cook than me and doesn't see anything remotely un-masculine about helping around our house.

thefentiger · 16/12/2010 21:36

Eeeeep Alpha male types make me cringe !
My DH is sooooo not Alpha-he is kind ,funny and easily pleased !Grin.He has the ability to get on with most people-but woebetide you if he doesnt like you-no second chances.
He is loyal and probably the kindest person I have ever met-kittens,puppies ,little kids and old ladies love him---- swoon !
He snores like a pig and nicks all the chocolate but I forgive him.
He is confident and happy in his own skin and really cant be bothered to try and impress people.
When I catch him talking to the kittens in his kittycat voice it makes me laugh!
He is the love of my life

Kingsroadie · 16/12/2010 21:38

When I say his daughter I mean OUR daughter!

He is also very good with animals.

aurynne · 16/12/2010 21:38

"He snores like a pig and nicks all the chocolate but I forgive him" ---> thefentiger, this would be UNFORGIVABLE for me!!! I can't make up my mind about which of the two would be the worst ;)

Malificence · 16/12/2010 21:39

The only alpha male worth a damn is one who can protect his family in an armageddon type scenario, someone like Ray Mears who can make the difference between life and death.
One who can hunt and kill animals (and people if need be) and survive in the wild by doing what needs to be done.

Thankfully I have one of those types Wink, you wouldn't believe what he could make high exposives out of.

Kingsroadie · 16/12/2010 21:41

ha - mine definitely thinks he could survive very well in the wilderness and buildus a shelter etc. So sweet that they think about it!

UnlikelyCrackerzonian · 16/12/2010 21:42

My Dp is kind and loving to me and kind and lovingly wonderful lovely with my ds

interested in my thoughts and opinions and has his own and enjoyes discussing them.

likes being home for bedtime and story-time for ds,

is hard-working but can laugh about it,

Puts the rubbish out and empties the dish washer.

can stand up for himself,

feels very much part of our family unit and fights for that.....

I havent met him yet though.

xh was a tad different to the above Xmas Sad

noddyholder · 16/12/2010 21:45

Completely non alpha male
lovely lovely dad and endlessly patient and giving
gave up a lot to look after me through 2 serious illnesses and never complained or resented it
very funny
Plays lots of intruments and fills the house with music

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2010 21:45

aurynne, I get you

my DH sometimes has his good nature taken advantage of, more sow hen he was younger

however, his user radar has got better with age and I am around to point it out to him, of course Xmas Smile

I bet your bloke is the one who always gets cornered by the "nutter" at parties too Xmas Grin

whereas I employ the icy stare and the "fuck off loser" look to good effect

when I first met DH he used to get stuck with doorsteppers (Jehovah's witnesses, people selling electricity tariffs etc) whereas I have always just shut the door or say "this is family time, I did not invite you, please leave"

now he does the same, but still in a much nicer way than I do Xmas Blush

sfxmum · 16/12/2010 21:51

malificience is married to Mcgyver Xmas Grin

thefentiger · 16/12/2010 21:53

aurynne Yes I know But he is so lovely .I do hide my chocolate stash !
There was a major incident involving MY tobelerones once -you know the huge ones that you buy in duty free. We do not speak of it Xmas Grin

TheFallenMadonna · 16/12/2010 21:55

Oh DH could do all that Malificence. It would be a good, practical project Grin

He is exceptionally handy. I find that very attractive. Fortunately for me, he doesn't have the same attraction for stereotypically womanly virtues.

StarlightPrincess · 16/12/2010 22:02

I agree with mumblechum regarding alpha males. My DP is just how you described. He's very grounded with a lot of common sense, which has been very good for me- before I got with him I was a bit...wild, shall we say!He's also generous to a fault, loyal, physically and mentally strong and very loving. He's very 'old', compared to his chronological age, IYSWIM.

QueeferSantaland · 16/12/2010 22:06

Mine is Alpha at work, but he's a home-body really and would move heaven and earth for me & the DC.

He is funny and kind and absolutely has my number. He is reliable, but not predictable, hard working and loving.

He's perfect tbh, but don't tell him I said that.Xmas Wink

He cannot do "manly" tasks though, but will give them a go under my watchfull guidance. Come the revolution, I'll be the one hunting and killing bears with my bare hands, but he would cook them to perfection.

Pendulum · 16/12/2010 22:19

TheFallenMadonna you are obviously my DH's OTHER wife.

He is creative (a Plant!), non-conformist, egalitarian, deep-thinking, just, and the funniest person I have ever met.

But by far his most winning characteristic is that he sees the shades of grey in everything. I have been out with men who have fiercely strong views about everything plus a conviction that they are right. I find that extremely tiresome.