Regular MNer here, but namechanged for this. I'm at my wits end with my marriage and need some help getting some perspective on the situation. I'm not sure whether it's over and I'm in denial or whether this is normal and I need to get a grip.
We have been married 6yrs, have one DC and I'm 33 weeks PG.
The bad stuff:
- DH never pulls his weight around the house, despite us having numerous talks. e.g. I am currently ill with flu, massively PG, working full time and because I've felt so rotten this week the housework has slipped. Instead of doing more to keep the house going, DH has done far less than the v little he usually does and now the place is almost unlivable. When I ever mention housework he acts like a bratty teenager.
- I have asked him to read the Ina May book before we have our second DC. We are both keen to avoid the nightmare scenario of DD's birth and he said he would read it. Months later it remains unread and he now tells me he doesn't need to read it.
- He doesn't respect my views on parenting DD. I am constantly having to remind him to be consistent with her. He isn't, so she throws tantrums all the time then gets stressed and impatient with her and with me. It's horrible.
- I feel ignored a lot of the time. But then so does he I reckon. He watches TV while I hide behind my computer and work.
- We have no sex life to speak of. How we managed to conceive two children I will never know. Once a month is our average. Has been for years. I don't feel like sex because I spend so much time annoyed with him, but then he doesn't initiate either.
- I am working my arse off, up until my due date, and not planning to take much mat leave so we can afford to pay our bills and live comfortably. Meanwhile he spends £180 on a case of wine for his parents, £250 on a new suitcase for a two day work trip, and has declared that he is getting a new bespoke suit for Christmas. I'm counting the pennies and panicking about how quickly I can get back to work after having DC2.
- About twice a year he goes completely off the rails while out with mates/work colleagues, gets hugely drunk and becomes incommunicado. He last did this when I was 20 weeks PG and had no idea he had plans to go out. He did apologise afterwards, but then a week later disappeared again mid-afternoon drinking with a 'client' and got all arsey when I was worried about his whereabouts.
- I feel like a burden and an imposition in our relationship always having to ask him to do stuff or ask for a lift to the station when he's working from home and it would really be no bother. Not sure why. I just feel like I'm a pain in his arse a lot of the time.
The good stuff:
- He is an equal parent to DD. It's genuinely 50:50. And he is the one who gets up with her at 6am every day so I can get another 1/2 hr in bed.
- He tells me he loves me all the time and it feels genuine (even if it doesn't feel like it)
- We are very affectionate to each other, despite lack of sex.
- He cooks most of our meals and takes sole care of our pets.
- When asked, he will do jobs around the house, but it's so exhausting always being the one to point out the house needs vacuuming or a lightbulb needs changing.
I've run out of patience, again, with our relationship. I feel like we're going round in circles. Is this normal relationship gripes or something more serious?