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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Want to leave but nowhere to go

10 replies

clpsmum · 10/12/2010 22:16

I've just had my third child last month and basically have nowhere else to go. Have three children under five, no family or friends as I relocated to be with hubby and no money. My marriage is well and truly over but I have nowhere else to go and husband will not leave even though he has family and friends close by. Honestly don't know what to do?????
Sorry for any typos!

OP posts:
garrowismylaw · 10/12/2010 22:24

Am in same boat, 3 young kids and nowhere to go and DH refusing to leave. Crap that can't offer advice...but someone will soon. Keep strong for your DCs.

Original poster
clpsmum · 10/12/2010 22:30

Hope things work out for both of us. If I'm honest I should have left months ago but have been hoping things would get better, became quite clear over the last couple of weeks that things are never going to get any better unfortunately so definitely time for us to call it a day

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 10/12/2010 22:31

Contact WOmen's Aid and the Citizen's Advice Bureau if in the UK.
If you are not in the UK, many countries have equivalents of Women's Aid.
Are you both in the UK?

garrowismylaw · 10/12/2010 22:43

I am in UK not sure about clpsmum

Original poster
clpsmum · 10/12/2010 23:30

Yes I am in uk will contact them tomorrow, thank you so much xxx

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 10/12/2010 23:37

OK, there is always a way out. If these men are violent, they can be made to leave the family hom and forbidden to return. You cannot be forced to live with a person you don't want to live with; if the house is mortgaged and both names are on the mortgage, a court can force the sale of the house, or one person to buy out the other. A court will also take into account that it's the children's home and again force the man to leave if he is not the main carer.
Women's Aid can advise you on finding a solicitor who can help you with this.
If you are living with a violent man you can call the police and have him taken away. If the relationship has simply broken down, even if you have no income of your own the local council will house you or pay you housing benefit so you can rent a home, and you will get benefits to feed yourself and your DC.
You do not have to live with a man you don't want to live with.

StuffingGoldBrass · 10/12/2010 23:38

Sorry, also true that if he is the father of your DC he is legally obliged to pay towards their upbringing. (In practice, arsehole men may not pay and may hide their assets, but you will still recieve benefits so you do not starve).

bubbleOseven · 10/12/2010 23:40

I think the first thing to ascertain here is is he violent towards you or the children?

StuffingGoldBrass · 11/12/2010 03:06

In that if he is violent you need to - and can - get him removed from the house. If he's verbally abusive or indeed if you just don't get on with each other, you still don't have to live with him. No one can be foreced to live with a person they dislike.

feistychickfightingthebull · 11/12/2010 07:20

Am also in the same boat. Have realised that he will never change and when I spoke with him yesterday he accused me of playing mind games with him and that if he moved out then that was it. I just said that was fine. I have tried to make it work but its just a cycle, one year of bliss then he erupts like a volcano and becomes quite scary and intimidating.

Good advice from the other posters. Keep at him to move out and wish you all the best x

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