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Original poster

Cant' seem to work him out.........

15 replies

Worldturnedupsidedown · 10/12/2010 21:31

Well I'll try and keep this short, so here goes....

Met this guy on a night out and he walked me home; nothing happened but arranged to meet the following night. Have been out with him a few times and early on he told me he was'nt looking for a 'full on' relationship.

Okay, so I've kept it light and we've seen each other around twice a week and text'd otherwise for around 3 months(not every day tho).

Well after seeing him 2 weeks ago, I came away thinking that something did'nt feel right. He'd said nothing or done nothing wrong however I just felt a little empty and that I felt a little more for him than I should. We never arrange when we are going to see each other when we part...so it kind of goes like that...we text abit and then one will ask when the other is free.

Sooooooo...after seeing him last I decided I would not text /contact him anymore and just wait for him to chase me!! Assuming that if he liked me he would. Well he has been texting me daily, asking me how my day is..how I am...what I've been doing etc. I never text him first, only respond to him. However he has not asked when he is going to see me next.

Well today I decided to take the bull by the horns and ask him if we were just 'text buddies' now??....he came back with 'of course not, you've just been ill (I had a really bad cold) and busy'. I then went back with 'well when you going to take me out then??' and this is the reply I got..'Not sure, when we are both free'.

What the hell does that mean???

OP posts:
TheFarSide · 10/12/2010 21:34

Well, he's either playing very hard to get or he's just not that keen.

I learned a long time ago that when men say they don't want a full on relationship they mean it.

SheWillBeLoved · 10/12/2010 21:42

What's the point? Sounds like a whole load of hassle for very little return.

Doha · 10/12/2010 21:49

He just not that into you - sorry

Move on and find someone who is

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 10/12/2010 21:52

Sorry to be brutal but he told you he wasn't looking for a relationship and, I think, his behaviour indicates that. He's happy to be in touch and probably enjoys the flirting, etc.

There's some game playing going on here and you had gained the upper hand by not contacting him, etc. You then gave it back to him by asking him when you'd meet up. If you have the patience for this kind of stuff and you aren't going to be hurt, then go for it but I think you do like him...

Original poster
Worldturnedupsidedown · 10/12/2010 21:53

Yes Doha, thats what I keep telling myself but then when he contacts me again...I turn into a pathetic heap and think he likes me..

He's the first guy I've met since splitting up with my DH 18 months ago that I've really liked...or maybe its coz he is a little distant and that makes me want him more!!

God I can't work myself out let alone any man!!

OP posts:
piratecatClaus · 10/12/2010 21:58

are you sure then that you are the only person he is dating?

you sure you r not the 'other woman'.

apart from that, he seems to be sticking to what he said, and you are the one hoping to change him/it/the situation.

Don't settle for less than you deserve or need. Just no point.

Original poster
Worldturnedupsidedown · 10/12/2010 22:04

Yes I think you may be right with the game playing Jingle...he is so kind and sweet with me though..it just throws me off guard all the time.

I swore I would never let a man take me for a ride again and trying to hard to be in control but I am crap and he really 'rings my bell' haha..

I suppose I know what I need to do don't I ladies :-(

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 10/12/2010 22:10

He is Not That Into You. He may well be dating other women, but given that he has told you he doesn't want a full on relationship and has never in any way promised you exclusivity, it's up to him who he dates.

You say you have only split up with your H 18 months ago; have you dated anyone else since? Dating someone doesn't have to lead to a commitment within a set timescale, and if your H was a knob or a bully, it's a good idea to date casually for a while and retune your radar for nice men/nasty men. This man, for instance, doesn;t sound particularly nasty - he has told you that he doesn;t want a serious relationship. Have you told himthat you do? If he is aware that you are gagging for love and commitment he should politely distance himself from you, of course, as he isn't interested in offering you these things; if you haven't said any such thing then he is not doing anything wrong in enjoying your company from time to time without making you any promises.

littlestmummystop · 10/12/2010 22:14

Do yourself a favour. Delete his number and get rid.

I had exact same situation and it went on for months.

I've vowed never to text mine again and feel much happier. It's all about their ego. Biggest waste of time.

Sorry, not what you want to hear.

HerBeatitude · 10/12/2010 22:18

Have you shagged him?

Because tbf after three months, if you haven't, he is so not interested in you.

And actually even if you have, he is so not interested in you. Men who are interested, text you all the time, particularly when they've shagged you because they want more, more, more of it.

Original poster
Worldturnedupsidedown · 10/12/2010 22:18

Yes Stuffing I have been out with other blokes but did'nt really have any feelings for them at all...I could take them or leave them really, so i guess they have been casual as such...

I think I thought I could get him to fall madly in love with me...

OP posts:
CheerfulV · 10/12/2010 22:19

Agree with SGB. This bloke sounds like he's been reasonably upfront with you about what he wants, while you have a hidden agenda. Based on that alone, you are going to get hurt. You can't shoehorn someone into a relationship if they don't want to be in one. Alternatively, he may be ready for marriage and everything, but just not with you. Either way, seriously consider the wisdom in pursuing a man who is not after what you are after. It's not going to end well.

Antalya1 · 10/12/2010 22:25

What's your instinct telling you about this?..I suspect that it's not going how you would like and that you need to bye bye pretty sharpish....and if that's the case, then drag up every little bit of will power that you have...and leave this one alone. If he's said that he doesn't want anything serious, then you have to take him at his word. You'll have a couple of miserable weeks perhaps, but why waste your time when this isn't what you want. If you hang on in there, you'll probably only get more hung up on him. Look out for someone that really wants the same as you.

Original poster
Worldturnedupsidedown · 10/12/2010 22:28

I've deleted his number...but keep checking my phone incase he texts me..grrrrrrrr what a twat I am...

I need a good slap or shag...lol....

OP posts:
StuffingGoldBrass · 10/12/2010 22:29

Not only is it not possible to make someone fall in love with you, it's actually not very ethical to try. Please bear in mind that this man has every right to refuse to commit to you; he has never offered to do so. He has, by the sound of it been entirely honest with you. No one is entitled to a commitment from another person when that person doesn't want to make it.
BTW, in general, hunting for a committed relationship is a bad state to be in. It means you're desperate and your radar is skewed, so you will be vulnerable to predators (who will offer to commit and fall 'madly in love' because what they want is someone to leech off or kick around to feed their egos).

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