I really need some perspective please. Some 18 months ago I caught my DH sending an amorous text to OW. He denied and minimised before admitting to an inappropriate relationship with his colleague. I feared worse. He refused to discuss it other than to say he would end it. He deleted the messages he had posted on the address box he had created for her under an alias. He refused to give me any passwords but I discovered the password and adopted the address when he thought he had closed it down. Both he and she used aliases. He promised to close down the 7 or so e-mail addresses he had and keep only 2, one for work and one for personal. I discovered the passwords for both. He had refused to give them. I was dignified about my discovery but lost some 6 months of my life in grief. He appeared to get closer to me. I still checked his e-mails from time to time as he had told me how easily he had deceived his former wife because he understood computers and had a secret phone. His first marriage ended as a result of one of his girlfriends threatening to inform his wife. I read on MN that bad behaviour such as his often reoccurs after 6 months and so it was. I discovered compromising e-mails to a different colleague some six months after the original discovery. He denied anything other than flirtation. This time I went balistic. I offered him a divorce. He recoiled as he says he lost everything in his previous divorce. He admitted he was wrong and that his behaviour would cease. Last week whilst I was checking his e-mails a secret address list appeared showing a previously not known e-mail address for him. I wrote it down but failed to note the names on the address list which I have never seen before. He has an address list other than this. In order to check whether the e-mail address was an old one closed down like he had promised, I e-mailed it a message" Hello xxx'. I expected it to bounce back as unavailable. just in case it did not, I emailed it from the e-mail address of the OW, to which only I have access. It didn't bounce back. H works away often and he phoned me eventually asking me details about my whereabouts at the time of the message, and whether I had found any thing on the net. I was vague, but later thought it must relate to my e-mail. Still no reply 2 days later on the e-mail address of the OW. Late last night I googled the alias of the OW and up came a Twitter page listing contact between her and my DH. There had been contact her to him about one year ago, he had replied. DH had had depression at the time. Then again about 6 weeks ago, and then my HelloXXx message and his reply some minutes later saying Wonderful to receive your e-mail, but showing only the first few words of those e-mails. I am very upset about the existence of the secret e-mail address, and about him replying to her e-mails. Am I overreacting?
I feel dirty and ashamed that I snooped.