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[stoopidmistake]

I have posted before about this but things have took turn for the worst.
I have had an online 'affair' with an old friend which I know was wrong, stupid, etc etc.
He has just messaged me that his partner has found a message and has kicked him out. I am panic stricken now that she will somehow contact my husband and tell him.
Shit shit shit.
I know you will flame me, and I deserve it. What do I do?

You may be up for an "open" reationship, most people aren't.

So I am guessing your views don't really count on this thread as op has made it clear the expected monogamy of the relationship, to her hubby this would probably unacceptable.

Personally I couldn't imagine being so desperate to keep a man, I'd let him invest emotionally in other woman and cyber screw all he likes, just to keep him, yuk!

Emmyloulou, your views often seem impossibly hard-line to me. Without thread-stalking you, I don't know whether this is due to a very bad expereince of yours. Really - talking and flirting are part of everyday human experience. We all need interaction, including flirty interaction. Unless you mean "flirting" as offered by chat lines beginning with 09 - but I don't think you do. Get counselling, grow up!

OP: until I've read your whole thread - which will have to be later, I'm tired - I can't really comment but my current instinct is just to cut contact and shut up about it. If you need to vent about your feelings, do it here rather than out loud, at home. Good luck.

tadpoles

I also dislike the thought of a partnership where either partner is domineering or browbeaten. I think you are projecting your own experiences and expectations of relationships onto other people's situations.

The majority of the posters here feel that exchanging messages of a sexual nature with someone else would cause a problem in their relationship. It might not in yours, that is great if that works for you but I do think you're probably in the minority.

When my situation 'kicked off', I spoke to several RL friends (men and women) about it, all of them said that they would have been very upset if their partner had done what I did.

As another poster said, it boils down to what the boundaries are in each individual relationship. It's not a question of controlling one's partner or not allowing them to be individuals, it's about the expectations partners have in their relationship.

You talked about the 'controlling' thing on my affair thread and as I said then; my partner is not in the least bit controlling. Having been with a controlling and manipulative partner in the past, I know one when I see one.

For my OH, my exchanging graphic sexual messages with someone else (no photos/webcam in my situation either-words only) was outside the boundaries of what is acceptable in our relationship; just as I would have found it unacceptable if he'd done the same.

As you say- we're all different.

Grace no fear, you are coming across as a bit stalkery, but we have different moral compasses it's all.

I was hardline in the child abuse thread which is where "you" clashed with me, I won't be sympathetic to someone condoning or sympathising that treatment of children, so don't have much respect for your opinions anyway.

I don't need to grow up, I am very social and yes confide in other people, I can also be an outrageous flirt.

Difference is, I wouldn't negelect my whole family for snatched emotional texts or emails, I wouldn't be confiding on a deep emotionial level day after day, hiding it from my family, whilst telling the OM what I wanted to do to him sexually and maybe with the odd pic thrown in.

No thanks. So if that's be needing to grow up, wow, just wow. I'd just say you and me are on a totally different level when it comes to morality and ideals.

just a view catsinthejinglebelfry - that whatever some others have posted, you have every right to make your views known too, even if some vehemently deny them being acceptable (or to be clear, that they are "disrepectful" in the eyes of one particular poster, who elsewhere explicitly stated someone's views do not count - talk about live and let live - some might think she is leader of the Thought Police, to say what is and isn't allowed as views posted on a thread).

stoopidmistake - given the current situation your husband needs your support and attention and now you've had this 'scare' you know you won't be tempted to do anything similar.

FWIW, it's almost like a bunch of girls who change their "best friends" on a whim, and while it was flirting of a possibly intimate kind (ie not like flirting in full view at a party, and then just laughing it off later) the old friend is hardly going to give it a second try and you aren't either.

Just cross the bridge of explaining to your DH if there is contact from the 'other woman' and banish it from your head. If there have been financial and depression problems then your number one task is to see things past Christmas and New Year as those can be stressful times anyway... Wishing you the best of luck, and don't expect the worst to happen - you have already turned a corner, closed that online flirting door behind you, and need to look forwards to happier times for yourself and DH.

(Unsure, if he has moved out, why he cannot explain fully to you what has happened, and how much 'she' knows about you - I guess he may have an e-mail address or some forum 'username' for how he has been in touch with you and perhaps there's still a PC in her control so contact would be dumb.)

I hate to bring this up - but is it possible that he has used this as an excuse to break contact?

catsinthejinglebelfy - I agree with Network Guy. You are completly entitled to your opinion and you expressed your views well so don't feel hounded out now the troll card has been played.

The relationship board would be a more balanced place if there were several opinions posted on any particular issue so do keep posting.