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Original poster

Has anyone ever.....

67 replies

MooseD · 07/12/2010 12:01

been bold enough to contact their 'first love'?

I have just discovered that mine is now a single father of 3. I'm divorced with 1 DD. And I'm curious....

I'm under no illusions - a lot will have happened in the past 30 years....and not just loss of looks either! Grin. I'm on FB under my married name; he is on there too but I am biding my time before contacting him.

I am on FR under my maiden name - he hasn't tried to contact me but that could be because he still feels very guilty about the circumstances that were responsible for us having to break up.....or it could be because he just doesn't want to go back there again.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice/opinion would be gratefully received. Thank you

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 07/12/2010 12:03

Not bold enough, just not interested enough.

Although I did find out the other day that my first boyfriend is dead (alcoholism).

Are you thinking you might like to see if there's a spark there?

Original poster
MooseD · 07/12/2010 12:10

I just don't know....I could get in touch, just say hello, just keep it in cyberspace - see if any sparks happen without actually meeting up anytime soon.

He had written on FR 'would love to hear from anyone from the past' so could use that as the opener.....

I'm just curious as to whether anyone else has done it & what happened?

A friend of mine did respond to an old flame, he wouldn't leave her alone even though they were both married.

OP posts:
HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 07/12/2010 12:13

Different situation for you though - you're both single.

A hello wouldn't hurt. It's just a hello.

chicaguapa · 07/12/2010 12:14

I went out with my first love again, about 10 years after we first went out. I'm glad I did it, but the spark had definitely gone.

Dexterrocks · 07/12/2010 12:22

I have contacted my first love - not on fb but by phone. I am happily married so I wasn't trying to rekindle anything, I just wanted to know how he was doing.
We chatted for ages and shared good and sad news. We got along great but there was no spark there at all, for me anyway, and I doubt there was for him, even though he was single.
It was really good to chat to him though.
I contacted my boyfriend (the one after the one above and before my husband) by sending him a friends request on fb and he totally ignored me.
So...it could go many ways...!

ShanahansRevenge · 07/12/2010 12:24

For me it would depend on the circumstances of the split. If he had been mean/unfaithful then I would leave it.

If I had been mean/unfaithful or it had just petered oout due to circumstances or youth...then I would go for it.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 07/12/2010 12:27

Wouldn't dream of it - in fact he is the main reason my privacy settings are so high on FB. I doubt he'd ever try but I don't want him to. Was with him for 11y, he fucked off with OW 3m before we were due to get married - can't really see the need to have anything to do with him ever again.

Taghain · 07/12/2010 12:28

after about 9 years, yes.
We got on fine and stayed in touch.
We also had a flingette 20 years after splitting, when my DP was being cold, & 1st Love's divorce was thoroughly cold.

We are still v good friends & see each other once or twice a year. No more flingettes, though.

stnikkilarse1978 · 07/12/2010 12:31

I am still friends with my first love (and with most of my boyfriends actually). With my first love I did stop talking to him entirely for about 5 years (he moved to Australia) but I contacted him again when I heard he was getting married to say good luck. We caught up after the wedding and DH and I went to stay with him and his wife earlier this year when we went to Aus for a holiday. I don't have feelings like that for him anymore (although I did have a moment after seeing him this year where I thought of what might have been but when I really thought about it the thought of being mith him and not DH was horrible!). DH was friends with him before I was - they were best mates at school - so there is no weirdness there.

If you are not completely secure in your relationship or if you have unfinished business with an ex it is best to stay away IMO.

domeafavour · 07/12/2010 12:37

I still dream of my first love and still wonder what if.
I have contacted him occasionally over the years, friends reunited and now linkedin, can't find him on facebook. We have a brief catch up email, bit jokey, ask about the family etc. Will maybe look him ip again when I get divorced!

GraceAwayInAManger · 07/12/2010 13:45

I did. He was a nice guy - and good-looking! - but there was no spark whatsoever. I'm unclear about why you're asking: you're married? Are you looking for a way out?

GraceAwayInAManger · 07/12/2010 13:46

Oh, sorry, I missed the divorced bit. I can't think of any reason why you shouldn't at least message him :)

malinkey · 07/12/2010 14:11

I haven't - but I do know someone who did - it went very well and they are now married with a baby. So you never know!

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 07/12/2010 14:15

Mine contacted me via Friends Reunited about 9 years ago... We met up. We still fancied each other. We were both single. We had a "thing". We had an on/off thing for a while. I've outgrown him (although he's very attractive still and I am occasionally persuaded to have lunch or dinner). I think we're friends now.

I'd say go for it. What's the harm?

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 07/12/2010 14:30

If you're both single, I'd say no harm - but I know a lady whose H of 30+ years (2 grown up sons etc.) contacted his childhood sweetheart via Friends Reunited and fucked off to be with her, leaving first lady utterly devastated! :(

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny · 07/12/2010 14:41

No, I haven't, I don't want to, no big reason, we were ships that happily passed at a time in our lives, and I know he is happily married with children.

However, we were together on and off for 2 yrs. I was in town a couple of weeks ago and became aware that a man was looking at me and sort of recognised him but couldn't 'place' him so gave him my best polite smile and as we passed and he had gone I remembered where I had seen him before GrinBlush!

Original poster
MooseD · 07/12/2010 18:00

Thank you all for your candid replies.

I think I may just say hello on FR - it's his birthday on the 16th! I shall leave the FB side of things out of it.

Doesn't help that I've just read that Julie Highmore book 'The Message'.....

OP posts:
JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 07/12/2010 21:21

Moose - you have nothing to lose..! Go for it.

MadAboutQuavers · 07/12/2010 21:36

My first love popped up on FB a year ago, 20 plus years after we last saw each other.

He was my first kiss (aged 8), first sexual experience (aged 15), and we were on-off boyfriend/girlfriend throughout our teens until we went to different colleges at 17.

When we found each other again this time last year, we were both single too. We're now planning to get married and have a DS of 3 weeks. Quick work - and we couldn't be happier. Smile

What have you got to lose?

JingleBelleDameSansMerci · 07/12/2010 22:49

Ah, that's lovely Quavers. Wish mine had ended up like that (if the gentleman concerned was how I'd remembered and not how he actually is).

Congratulations on your DS.

Oh, how lovely. Smile

domeafavour · 07/12/2010 22:53

Lovely ending Quavers!!

MadAboutQuavers · 08/12/2010 05:15

Thank you ladies. I do feel very lucky!
OP - all I can say is you'll never know until you try, and life is far too short not to take the odd risk

BaggyAgy · 08/12/2010 20:26

bump

Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 11:36

Quavers - lovely to hear your story....
I'm still thinking hard about it - perhaps that's the problem, thinking too much/too hard about doing it it!!

Tell me, did he contact you or did you contact him?

Mine even popped up in a dream last night....Arrgh! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
pinkhairsbestfriend · 09/12/2010 11:48

Hehehehe! I did this on Fb, just sent a message saying hi, how are you? His wife (didn't know he was married) emailed me back saying Firstlove was "unable to use a computer, but says Hi"......I got the message, was a bit Blush though!!!

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