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Original poster

Has anyone ever.....

67 replies

MooseD · 07/12/2010 12:01

been bold enough to contact their 'first love'?

I have just discovered that mine is now a single father of 3. I'm divorced with 1 DD. And I'm curious....

I'm under no illusions - a lot will have happened in the past 30 years....and not just loss of looks either! Grin. I'm on FB under my married name; he is on there too but I am biding my time before contacting him.

I am on FR under my maiden name - he hasn't tried to contact me but that could be because he still feels very guilty about the circumstances that were responsible for us having to break up.....or it could be because he just doesn't want to go back there again.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice/opinion would be gratefully received. Thank you

OP posts:
GettinganIcyGrip · 09/12/2010 12:10

I did. 30 years later all the original attraction was there. Sadly, in the intervening years he had turned into his father, who was a nasty piece of work. When he was nice he was really really nice, when he was not he was just like MY father who was abusive.

It took around six months for the real him to emerge. Interestingly, at that time I had a bit of a flashback, and remembered that when I was 17 and with him the first time, I had thought that he had 'something missing'. I was right...it was his soul.

In a way, he helped me to realise that I had been in abusive relationships all my life, as his behaviour was so much like my father's that I thought it could not be a coincidence, so I started to research abuse, which led to my breakdown and then the start of my new life....free of abuse.

So I have him to thank for all that. The nice him was really wonderful. It's a shame really. Thinking about that young boy who was so lovely.

Tread carefully is what I am trying to say. I don't regret us getting back together again, but there was a reason it didn't work out the first time.

Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 17:48

Thank you for that, GettinganIcyGrip.....obviously, if I did get back in touch, there would be 30 'missing years' years to take into account so if anything did progress from it then it would have to be very very slowly. If it does at all!

There's about 120 miles between us so it's not like I've heard anything on the grapevine about him or vice versa.

It's quite complicated as to why he had to 'let me go' back then. I do know that he did feel very bad about it at the time. Sad though it was, it made me grow up. I was very naive and a complete innocent....but I do thank him for that now, in a bizarre way.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 17:52

Pink.....Shock!!
Well the FL says he is single on FR site....the cynic says yeah yeah, of course you are. But he could just be.

Only one way to find out.....Gah, I should just do it. I'm crapping myself though!

OP posts:
thumbplumpuddingwitch · 09/12/2010 22:10

Moose - only do it if you really want to. You could be opening a can of worms too - he might turn out to be way more keen than you are, which could be a bit troublesome.
Perhaps you could play it really cool - pretend you're not even quite sure it is him, as in the same one you went out with - that would dampen any ardour before it started. Xmas Wink

BEAUTlFUL · 09/12/2010 22:12

I contacted my first BF on Friends Reunited... to find he'd turned into a woman. Shock Shock Shock

Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 22:35

TPPW - That's a really good idea, yes, will think on that.....as I said earlier, a lot happens in 30 years, how much of the grey matter do you lose in that time, ha ha Xmas Grin

I don't know if he'll buy it, but hey, should I be really be too worried about that? Sensible head says No!

BEAUTIFUL - Oh my Good God, what can I say to that?!

OP posts:
BelleBelicious · 09/12/2010 22:35

Beautiful - that's fantastic. Did he change to a similar name (John/Jane) or come up with something fabulous like Diandra? I like the wife emailing back too. Certainly nips everything in the bud (although not as much as a sex change).

I tried to contact my FL. He's not on FB and has a surname that doesn't google easily - it took me a good few evenings of sleuthing until I found him - I did track him down through some newspaper articles. I felt like a proper stalker.

After a few too many G&Ts I sent him a message that was really blah and cringemaking! Trying far too hard to be casual etc. Anyway I told him that I would love to hear from him and find out how he's doing, but would understand if he didn't want to get in contact.

The thing is I got an email back saying: First Love's email address is now: xxx as 2 departments had merged. So I don't know if he got the original message (normally you still get them for a few months, don't you?) and didn't want to contact me - or if he didn't get it. Don't have the courage to email again, as I felt like the world's biggest stalker first time round. Guess it wasn't meant to be.

BEAUTlFUL · 09/12/2010 22:40

Yes, similar name. It was just awful. Especially as s/he was thrilled to hear from me and wanted to meet for a big catchy-up gossip. I was so shallow, I just thought, "No cock, no coffee" and ignored.

BelleBelicious · 09/12/2010 22:43

"No cock, no coffee" sounds like a motto that should be adopted by the WI or perhaps MN?

BEAUTlFUL · 09/12/2010 22:48

lolololol

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 09/12/2010 22:50

Xmas Grin @ Beautiful - how are you getting on these days?

shodatin · 09/12/2010 22:54

I contacted my ex-fiance's sister with an email, only to hear that he'd died the year before.
Still feel sad about this, as we were together 5 years, and wish I'd made contact earlier.

Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 22:55

Waaaahahaha.....this is fab feedback, thank you for making me cry with laughter Xmas Grin.

BB - I agree with the fact that the cyberworld makes it so easy to keep tabs. I looked on his Wall and he'd been tagged in a very recent photo (he has a cartoon as his profile pic. at the mo.) He hasn't changed as much as I thought he might (is that good 'cos it hasn't put me off?!).

Of course, being really cool as TPPW suggests would lessen the likelihood of me making a right tit of myself - it could all get a bit out of hand and I'd easily end up trying too hard to be casual too.....Xmas Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 22:56

Sorry, Shodatin, crossed posts.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 22:58

....which just goes to show that I really should just get on and do it before anything happens then I'd not be in the same position of never knowing Sad

OP posts:
LoudRowdyDuck · 09/12/2010 23:03

Ooh, go on, do it!

I'm dead nosy so I think I would if I were you. As it is I'm still in touch with my first love (though it wasn't so long ago - 8 years Blush). His current partner introduced me to DH and was my best woman at the wedding. But I think there is something quite fun and touching about reminiscing - it's all in the past now, but that is someone who's been there in a very exciting stage in your life. If it was a nice first love, I can totally see the attraction of getting in touch, even if nothing remotely romantic happens.

Good luck!

Original poster
MooseD · 09/12/2010 23:11

Well tonight is out - too late now and at this hour is a bit desperate, don't you think?

OP posts:
LoudRowdyDuck · 09/12/2010 23:17

Fair point - I think right now would look a little odd! Grin

But do you think you will eventually?

MadAboutQuavers · 09/12/2010 23:32

Hi Moose,

I contacted him. Just a quick message - "Hello Stranger! Is it really you after all these years?" No kisses or anything, just friendly. It quickly got much more than friendly though. Grin

I repeat - what have you got to lose? Keep it simple and do it. Let us know how you get on!

Original poster
MooseD · 10/12/2010 10:18

Here I am back on MN when I have an assignment deadline.....Aarrgh!

Thank you, Quavers. That sounds just right. Will give it a go.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooseD · 10/12/2010 10:28

Right then, I've done it! Now I'm shaking and can hardly type.....I feel sick.

I've taken your advice Quavers Xmas Grin - I've lit the touchpaper now so it'll either be fireworks or a very damp squib.

Shit!

OP posts:
mssoul · 10/12/2010 10:28

I did. Disaster! After 10 years, I thought it might be nice to see his Mum as I was in his part of the country for a few days and he got totally the wrong impression. He went from telling me he still loved me Shock to hating me for getting in touch as he thought we should rekindle what we had. Maybe I did him a favour though as he, shortly afterwards, met someone, married them and had a child Smile

Good luck...!

Dexterrocks · 10/12/2010 11:55

Oooh! Moose - let us know what happens!

Original poster
MooseD · 10/12/2010 12:04

Don't worry, ladies....you'll be the first to know, ha ha Xmas Grin

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 11/12/2010 14:27

ANYTHING????