I have a 2 month old daughter. The father dumped me at 8 months pregnant (had been cheating on me; left me for the other woman). He threatened to have nothing to do with the baby unless I let him be present at the birth. In the face of much good advice I went along with it. Why? Because I wanted my daughter to have a father, and probably also because I secretly harboured hopes of getting back together (!!! no comment).
Fast forward two months, and I see that (as I was warned) if you give in to blackmail once it comes back to bite you. After a 'honeymoon' period after the birth when we got along really well, things have soured and he's again threatening to have nothing further to do with our daughter.
The issue this time: he wants me to change the baby's registered address (I live in Belgium, where you need to be registered with the local authorities) from my place to his. The reason: so that he can claim a child tax credit (I'm not eligible myself because I don't pay Belgian tax, so I wouldn't be giving up any financial advantage).
I object, for various reasons (1. seems dishonest to claim for a child that he doesn't actually maintain or support; 2. makes me feel insecure to have my baby registered as living somewhere other than my home; 3. it may create an additional administrative burden for me).
On top of generally feeling uncomfortable about the idea, I don't feel much inclination to do him a financial favour because (a) he pays no child support and has no intention of doing so. I don't intend to ask him either (this was understood from the start). (b) He has not paid for or helped me get any stuff for her, bar a few items of clothing. (c) He has not helped in any practical way. He occasionally comes to visit, but does not offer to do anything like shop, cook.
Is there any way I can deal with this situation without getting into an open conflict with him? If at all possible I would like to maintain a civil relationship with him for the sake of our DD and future co-parenting relationship. He can be vindictive and I am afraid of the consequences if things get ugly. Urgh! I wish I had not got him to put his name on the birth certificate...
Should I even give in? He says I am making a big deal out of a purely administrative matter. He only wants to change the address until January (new tax year), and could simply change it back thereafter.
He is giving me orders about it: 'I expect this to be done by next week' and will not even buy DD a Christmas present until it's done...
I think he could well make good his threat, because this is the way things are done in his family. He has had no contact with either of his parents for many years.