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Original poster

now what - new relationship or just friends?

63 replies

findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 21:23

I find someone I work with attractive - we work in a large, open plan office and there is no overlap with the work we do. I thought he was interested a while ago but I bumped into him one evening when I was with an old friend who is male and he had his arm around me and understandably the guy at work, I presume thought I was with him and I haven't had much contact with him since.

Last night was our Christmas works lunch and I was hoping that I'd get a chance to talk to him or more Grin! In order to go (as it was all afternoon and early evening) I arranged for my son to stay with a friend for the night.

Anyway, we all went out for lunch then to a bar and all had quite a few drinks. By about 8pm though most people were leaving. I obviously didn't want to go as had rare babysitter and wanted to get talking to him. We ended up chatting and by 9pm everyone had left except for us! Kept on buying each other drinks and we stayed till 1am! end of the evening gave me a hug, said he'd had a really nice time, would like to do it again - said we should arrange works drinks again but that was it. I said that he'd got my email.

Not sure if he's interested or not?

OP posts:
Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 21:26

.

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Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 21:38

I think he wouldn't have stayed - just him and me espec for so long if he wasn't interested but then again had opportunity to ask for my phone number or suggest another time but didn't so not sure what to think? We spent all evening chatting and had loads to say and loads in common.

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ostracized · 02/12/2010 22:21

Who knows what goes through people's minds! I'd say it sounds good, at the very least you are making a new friend and at best he is the love of your life :). He definitely definitely enjoyed your company to stay for that long so no worries on that front - just see what happens and if it comes to the point that you think he might like you as more than a friend but is too shy to make a move, think of a few you could make (but too soon for this I would say).

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 22:34

thank you. it just seemed like the perfect opportunity - for me anyway as I don't get the chance to go out that often and don't know when we will go out next...

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allouttalove · 02/12/2010 22:48

I think you need to drop into conversation you are single if you haven't already, so he realises the guy you were with was just a friend?? Email him and ask him out!!! Smile

allouttalove · 02/12/2010 22:48

Is he definitely single too?

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 22:56

yes I am sure he is single. And I sure he knows I am. Neither of us explicitly said that but it seemed obvious from the conversation. I couldn't ask him out! I felt that saying that he had my email was a strong hint to him.

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Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 22:57

oh yeah and he mentioned the guy I was with, in that he said I remember bumping into you in town, you were with someone and I said it was an old friend so hopefully that's dealt with.

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allouttalove · 02/12/2010 23:20

wellllll, you could kind of arrange a situation.....maybe e mail a few friends including him saying you have been given tickets for something you know you and he like...(band or whatever) and see if he takes up the offer, obviously have the other friends say they can't make it, get them to reply to all, so he can see that no one else can go......see what he does....?? If he genuinely can't make it, it would be the perfect opportunity for him to suggest another night out....if he doesn't do either, I would just cool off, if he doens't chase you even a bit after you've made it clear you're interested, I would take it he's not interested enough..... and move on...

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 23:31

that sounds good but we only know each through work not through any mutual friends and our work lot aren't very sociable. I can't see another social occasion happening for a long while.

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allouttalove · 02/12/2010 23:48

yeah, but as you got on well, you need to mention something you had in common in the e mail, just keep it very casual.....I would involve people I don't know that well in a list of a few friends if I was thinking about going to something or trying to find someone to go with if I had tickets for example. I wouldn't find it at all strange if an aquantance emailed to ask if i was free to see something if they had a ticket.....

for example
Hi guys
Just thought I would e mail quickly round a few friends that I know like....(insert thing).... as I have two tickets to see ......(insert thing here)....as I got them from a friend that can't go. I know you guys like..(insert thing)....so if you can make it, please can you e mail me back as soon as poss and I'll give you the ticket if you are the first to get back to me!! Or text me on 079........ Soooooo Go for it...ready, steady, GO!!! :~)
Lots of love me!!! xxx

THEN make sure the couple of friends that you e mail, send back a message to everyone on the list saying "sorry, can't make it, would love to see you soon though!!" or something.....then....if no answer from blokey, you could push it and say....what about you then?? in a cheeky way!
But a few white lies, and a bit contrived....however, you won't lose face if he says "NO" and it gives him an easy get out or get in clause as it were!!!!

atswimtwolengths · 04/12/2010 17:51

I think you're trying to rush this stage!

Don't ask him out. Let him do the running. He obviously likes you and now he knows you are single.

So he didn't ask you out straightaway? Don't worry about it - if he's single and he likes you then he will be thinking about you and sometime soon he will ask you out. If he doesn't, it's because he doesn't want to.

(I think he will, though!)

Just think about it though - name me a romantic comedy or novel where the woman directly asks the guy out?

BertieBotts · 04/12/2010 18:22

Because romantic comedies are really true to life!

mankymummymoo · 04/12/2010 18:26

He might be shy...

He might be gay...

I would do what alloutalove said - at least you will know if he is interested and not be kept hanging on for months until the next night out.

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 06/12/2010 20:52

well, I have been off work since that evening (I don't work on Thursdays or Fridays) and went back today. As I said he works on the other side of a large office to me and our paths simply didn't cross as they never do. I had hoped he would have emailed or come over but he didn't and I didn't have an excuse to go over to his side. I am not going to ask him out and feel that I maybe misread the signs?? anyway would like to do something but subtle in case I've got it all wrong but don't know what?

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tribpot · 06/12/2010 21:00

Well he can't ask you out, if he thinks you might be with the other guy - you said he was an old friend but you didn't actually say you weren't with him.

I would email him - as Monica would say "breezy" - and just say, I had such a laugh on Friday, that was great. Hope to see you soon!

Take the next few weeks as they come.

snowpoint · 06/12/2010 21:03

Hmmm. You could always send him a quick email him later this week saying how much you enjoyed chatting to him the other night, hope he wasn't too tired the next day, have a great weekend etc, and leave it there.

Or you could just leave it for now though, difficult as though it is. Make sure you keep an eye out for any office do's, anyone's birthday etc and go out.

Do you have any work friends in common?

snowpoint · 06/12/2010 21:04

tribpot got in first with the good idea!!

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 06/12/2010 21:07

we don't really have work friends in common because we just work in the same office but not in the same team and our teams are an anti-social lot! can't think of when another one will happen.

I am thinking of emailing, it seems a shame after chatting for hours to now go for weeks or months without speaking again. But surely if he was interested he would email himself?

By the way I really don't think he thinks I am with the other guy - I think I'd have brought him into conversation that evening.

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tribpot · 06/12/2010 21:18

snowpoint, great minds, my friend! I only typed slightly faster Wink

finding, you can just as easily email him as him you - he may not want to come across as heavy or making too much out of it. Just be light and casual - as ostra says, worse case scenario is you have a new friend. I met one of my guy friends through work when we had a casual drink and got chatting - our mutual friend (female) called me the next day and said "all he went on about was how great you are, and so kind and so friendly - baaahhhhh" - neither of us had the slightest romantic interest in him but we just really hit it off and 3 years later, here we are. A truly Great Mate. That's not a bad thing at all - and your guy could turn into even more!

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 06/12/2010 21:22

ok, maybe I will! would be a bit strange to now virtually ignore each other! but still wish he would first.

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BEAUTlFUL · 06/12/2010 21:30

"but still wish he would first."

Then have patience, young Jedi. Smile

I think you've done enough! Staying out with him till 1am is plenty! If he likes you, he'll as you out. If he doesnt there could be loads of reasons - including he doesn't want to date anyone at work.

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 06/12/2010 21:53

yes I am torn between the two opinions that's the trouble!

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ginnny · 07/12/2010 12:00

What have you got to lose?
Send him an email.
Life's too short
If he doesn't reply - its his loss
Smile

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 07/12/2010 22:41

you see that's it - two comflicting opinions! On the one hand if I don't email him I probably won't get a chance to talk to him again for ages, it doesn't look like he's going to contact me. On the other, he has obviously decided not to email me or take it further so am potentially setting myself up to be rejected and don't want awkwardness at work...

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