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Original poster

now what - new relationship or just friends?

63 replies

findingthisdifficult · 02/12/2010 21:23

I find someone I work with attractive - we work in a large, open plan office and there is no overlap with the work we do. I thought he was interested a while ago but I bumped into him one evening when I was with an old friend who is male and he had his arm around me and understandably the guy at work, I presume thought I was with him and I haven't had much contact with him since.

Last night was our Christmas works lunch and I was hoping that I'd get a chance to talk to him or more Grin! In order to go (as it was all afternoon and early evening) I arranged for my son to stay with a friend for the night.

Anyway, we all went out for lunch then to a bar and all had quite a few drinks. By about 8pm though most people were leaving. I obviously didn't want to go as had rare babysitter and wanted to get talking to him. We ended up chatting and by 9pm everyone had left except for us! Kept on buying each other drinks and we stayed till 1am! end of the evening gave me a hug, said he'd had a really nice time, would like to do it again - said we should arrange works drinks again but that was it. I said that he'd got my email.

Not sure if he's interested or not?

OP posts:
BertieBottlesOfMulledWine · 07/12/2010 22:54

Well, you could always just send a friendly email. If I was you I wouldn't go in straight away with declarations of love if it's likely you'll see him again. But if you enjoy his company and enjoy talking to him etc, then why not carry that friendship on? If it's going to develop into anything then it will do. Just less likely to if you hardly ever see him! :)

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 07/12/2010 23:05

yes I think I will - got to be harmless hasn't it?

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 07/12/2010 23:10

"On the other, he has obviously decided not to email me or take it further"

  1. It's too early to tell this;
  2. And if he has decided that, that's your answer! Do you want someone who needs to be nudged to ask you out?

And there's harmless and "harmless" - it won't kill you, but it'll keep him uppermost in your thoughts, make you think about what to type, watch his reaction, wait for a reply... Then he might either leap on it (yay!) or just reply something to be polite, which you'll have to interpret...

I think it'd be best if you just thought, "Aww, he was nice, that was a nice evening" and got on with your life, trying to make it as busy and positive and fabulous as possible. Be friendly to him at work in person, but don't email. It'll be clear as day that you fancy him if you email him, because why would you bother if you didn't??

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 07/12/2010 23:14

beautiful, now you have put me off!!

OP posts:
Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 21:59

update - I had to ask one of the designers today for a photo (he is one of the designers) so I approached them all and he immediately offered. He took the photos for me, emailed them to me etc. I took the chance to ask him via email a chatty question which he just answered in a friendly way but that was it.

Guess I just give up now?

OP posts:
Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 22:32

.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 21/12/2010 22:47

Woah! I think you're moving too fast. It's only a couple of days. When do you finish work? He might approach you before then. He obviously likes you.
:)

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 22:54

It's not though - it's a couple of weeks since we went for christmas meal. I hope he likes me (he didn't need to offer to take the photos - he's not the usual photographer and hardly knew how to use the camera!) but doesn't seem to be taking it any further.

OP posts:
Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 22:54

oh and I finish work tomorrow for 2 weeks.

OP posts:
Ewe · 21/12/2010 23:02

FGS, ask him out!

Hi Hotworkguy

Thanks so much for your help the other day, the client loved the photos (or whatever is appropriate). Hope you have a great christmas and new year break. Fancy a drink when we are back to drown those January blues?

Findingthisdifficult

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 23:15

I wish I could, but if you read some of the other posts on here they say the opposite and I am torn. I am almost tempted to say something to one of his colleagues (female) but think that'd be too teenage!

OP posts:
Ewe · 21/12/2010 23:24

You can!

I totally understand the flip side of it but really what is the worst that can happen? Surely even rejection is better than the constant questioning you've been doing over the last few weeks.

He might be shy, he might have recently been rejected himself and feeling a bit vulnerable... He is just another human being, why should he be the one chasing you? And putting himself on the line? You like him, you want to go for a drink, so ask.

All this if he liked you he would email you bullshit is rubbish. You like him and you haven't bothered emailing him, who is to say he doesn't feel the same?

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 23:29

thank you for replying to me Ewe. I suppose I do totally agree with you in theory but I think it's programmed in men and women that men do the chasing. I just do feel that maybe he would ask me if he was interested and that's why he hasn't but doesn't explain why he did photos when he wasn't the photographer...why is it so difficult?

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 21/12/2010 23:30

Oh, for God's sake. Men know when they like someone. For every "I asked my now-DH out and we've been maried a million years, blissfully" story you hear you'll hear 150 that start with the BLOKE asking out the WOMAN.

He's had like 4 or 5 or 6 chances to ask FTD out and he hasn't, so we have to assume that - for whatever reason - he doesn't want to.

FTD, there are so many men in the world! Why all this attention towards one who isn't showing you anyhing special at all? Join a gym, some dating sites, a book club, a social networking group, a babysitting site and get out there!

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 23:31

see Ewe that is the opposite opinion!

OP posts:
Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 23:37

everyone seems to think he likes me but if that is the case why hasn't he asked me? I suppose I'm inclined more towards BEAUTIFUL's opinion even though I don't like it.

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 21/12/2010 23:38

why is it so difficult?

Because you're giving it too much attention! It's not difficult when someone comes up and says, "Would you like to go for a drink some time?" It is difficult when you let your thoughts follow a man around the office, looking for clues and signs when there aren't any.

I'm being way harsh, but men know what they want, they do, they really really do.

I'm hearing this from the other side lately - a man I know snogged a colleague at the Xmas party last week, regretted it the next day and spent the next few days telling her what she needed to know - by not asking her out. She didn't read the signs and invited him along to a concert, texted him to say "So when are you going to as me out then?" and then asked to see him for drinks later this week to "Talk things through"!

He was trying not to hurt her feelings by being friendly to her still, but he was desperately trying to show her how he felt by not asking her out.

When a man likes you, it's obvious to you, the office, the whole world.

Don't give this any more thought until he asks you out. If he likes you, he will. If he doesn't, there might be any number of reasons; maybe you're not his type, maybe he's in love with his ex, maybe he's given up dating for a bit, maybe he has a personal rule not to date colleagues - but none of them reflect badly on you.

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 23:41

you see I don't like your answers. You may be right but I prefer everyone else's.

OP posts:
Ewe · 21/12/2010 23:41

FTD has also had 4 or 5 chances to ask him out and she hasn't when she clearly does want to, just doesn't have the balls (sorry, FTD!). Could be exactly the same for him!

There are so many where it starts with the bloke asking the woman because society has changed a lot in the last 20 odd yrs. Personally, I would (and have in the past) asked him out, we are in 2010 ffs!

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 23:44

!!!how can I make up my mind when there are such opposing opinions! god , Beautiful is convinced he's not into me - no wonder I don't want to ask him out.

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 21/12/2010 23:46

He might be really, really into you but not asking you out yet because he wants to sae up his Xmas money to take you out on a really amazing first date! It could be anything.

BEAUTlFUL · 21/12/2010 23:50

He might have a dead ex in his bedroom and be waiting for the Xmas bin collections to smuggle her body out amongst all the wrapping paper!

It might be anything. The point was mean to be that you don't need to worry about any of this - carry on your lovely life, just forget about him until he asks you out, if you want to save yourself all this mental agony!

"Ask him out and you'll know either way" is another way to get it over with, but not as clear cut or relaxing or simple, as if he says No you'll feel embarrassed, and if he says Yes you'll never really know if he 100% wants to be there.

I don't know. I've done it both ways - pursuer and pursued - and being the pursued is sooooooooo much easier.

Original poster
findingthisdifficult · 21/12/2010 23:51

that sounds really unlikely! Of course it could be anything though, I suppose most likely that either he doesn't fancy me or want a relationship with someone at work.

OP posts:
BEAUTlFUL · 21/12/2010 23:51

The point was meant to be, that should say.

Sorry if I'm coming over as mean too, though.

BEAUTlFUL · 21/12/2010 23:53

I suppose most likely that either he doesn't fancy me or want a relationship with someone at work

Don't immediately go for something negative about yourself, like he doesn't fancy you. That will depress you and you have NO WAY to tell if it's true or not, so put it out of your mind. He might have an ex he still likes, or yes, a rule about not dating colleagues. I think it's most likely that he has someone else somewhere. It's usually that.

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