surviving xmas after breakup

[kieranic]

Hi all

Can i please have some advice on how to survive christmas for the first time alone. As some of you will be aware my dh and i split rather badly after he had an affair and i am just stressing a little about christmas on my own with dc. there is no way on this earth i can cook a christmas dinner as dh did all the cooking for the 15 years we were together.
also want some advice on the fact that it is an emoptional time of the year anbd i dont want to get low and spoil things for the kids.

Have you got family you can spend Christmas with?

First of all you need to big yourself up. Of course you can cook a dinner, regardless of what he may have told you, i tisn't rocket science. Lots of threads here that will help you get organised for it, at the end of the day it's just a roast.
Look at it as the childrens day, and aim to just give them some happy memories of it. And if all else fails, there's always gin

no afraid not dont speak to family after a row involving dh so no where to go.

thanks good advice but the thought of tryng to cook and ruining is freaking me out

yes big bottle of gin buy ready made roasties that just need cooking and put them in with turkey.

Drink the gin :D you'll be fine.

And good luck over xmas

Ok. Well, cooking a christmas dinner is no big deal really. You can make it as simple or as complicated as you'd like. Accept that it will be a different sort of Christmas, but it can still be a good one. Make your own new traditions and enjoy your DC.

Honestly, you can't ruin a roast. If it worries you that much, get some practice in, there are a few more Sundays before christmas, and it the children are old enough get them to help. What on earth are you all surviving on if you can't cook? I bet you're better than you realise.

thanks i will do my best to make it great for dc but not really looking forward to it.

thanks boobooglass you maybe right i am just really out of practice but i will get in some practice at least if i muck it up we may agree to eat out

Hi kieranic

I have a dh but no contact with family, it can be painful for a lot of us at Xmas and I will be on here doing a support thread for those of us single / parentless at Xmas!

Tell yourself it's going to be a fab day, pressies, crackers, chocolate for breakfast (that's what we have in our house!) playing games, watching rubbish on the tv, dinner, drinking a bit of fizzy wine and giggling at odd intervals. Worry not.

And yes practive your roast, and you can always go to Iceland and buy frozen starters, dinners and deserts if it all feels too much / goes wrong.

I'm going to get flamed for saying that, aren't I?

Christmas dinner - easy as others have said keep it simple..and cheap:

• Buy one of those turkeys that are already boned and come in the tinfoil tray - all supermarkets do them, including Aldis - v.cheaply!
• Frozen roast potatoes
• veg - bung in the microwave for 3 - 4 minutes
• Gravy - packet stuff

You can easily cope with that.

Not sure how old your dc is/are? but spend Christmas day playing together/watching movies/going for a walk?

Can you treat DC to cinema Christmas Eve/Boxing day?

Other days - can you get together with friends for an hour or two/invite them round?

It can be lonely, just try and plan as much in as you can

kieranic its not written anywhere that you have to do a full whistles & bells Christmas Dinner - think about what you would enjoy. One year DP & I had a whole Chinese crispy duck each with the pancakes & stuff & we both really enjoyed it. Last year we stayed in PJ's all day & slobbed around. The way I see it now, it's our Christmas Day so bugger everyone else. I've spent too many Christmasses bending over backwards for other people.

Have pizza if that suits Make some new traditions for you all

Hi Kieranic

I split from my h 3 months ago, and so am also facing first xmas with new set up. Funnily though, since I have the dcs with me on Xmas day I'm not worried about that bit at all, even though, like you, my ex took all the cooking glory, and undermined my confidence in what I was capable of. I just think the kids will have a great day come what may, and that's what's important.

I have friends nearby and we're going to meet for a walk. I think xmas is better with friends to make it a bigger and more sociable event.

It's the following week I dread, when they go away for a week's holiday with ex, and then I'm on my own.

Good luck, and I wish you the best. There are lots of 'firsts' once you split up, and I think the first xmas will be difficult. I am sure your dc will have great day, just hanging out with you and new toys!

Hi Kier,
I'm in a similar boat but my x will want to come over for some of the day to see the boys and for their sake I will tolerate him.
You can get really tasty turkey crowns that are easy peasy and if its for just you and the kids just enjoy a feast of something straight forward and delicious.
I am determined to enjoy Christmas anyway, he is not taking that from me too. I found out about his betrayal early October and when the carols first started playing in the shops the tears flowed so much. I'm a bit drier eyed now and I will escape to my family shortly after Christmas.
There are plenty of us out here you take care.
x

Hi kier. Xmas dinner is not compulsory. You could have curry or Chinese, whatever you fancy. I've just split from my partner of 14 years after discovering he spent the last 3 years having an affair with a family friend, my parents are dead and my only sibling is a chronic alcoholic. So it will be just me and my kids, too. Loads of us in this situation.

You will not ruin it for them. They will make it for you. It's just another day, really.

Same here was a bit worried about kids not getting the real deal for crimbo ,they are 4 and 5 but wobble has worn off now.Too right we will have a bloody great Christmas ,just do lots and lots that you want to do kids will play anyway and eat lots and lots of good food whatever you want to make .Only one rule I am making and that is NO STRESS ALLOWED ,i have had enough of that over this last year and im damned if im doin it at Christmas .I quite fancy the duck and pancakes idea myself !!!Daft films and im going to order myself the Spitfire Ladies book did you see the programme ?All about these amazing women that flew aircraft in WW2 big hugs you will be fine !!!

Hi kieranic
Another one here struggling a bit. I left DH and DC in our big house and moved out to a tiny house nearby 3 months ago. There isnt room for all of them here. They are coming on Christmas Eve for supper then the DDs are cooking for all of us on Xmas day. I was planning to flee to my parents but DH has spun them a sob story and DM has invited him to stay :(

I am apparently to stay in the Harry Potter Suite which is a windowless cupboard in the attic. Instead I shall beat a retreat home to my little house and eat candied chestnuts and watch Pinewood Comedies.

WAEFMT this sounds very unfair. Surely it is your family and so you should tell him that you will not tolerate him staying with your family. I am sure your mother will be on your side if she is aware how upset you are.

Hi kernaic

I'm another sp but quite few Years down the line ,yes you can do a roast but only if you really want one

Best bit I like is there is no exepecations on me,last year we had pizza for Xmas dinner this year were having a curry.Make night before heat in microwave

kids prefer it I prefer it,we might get dressed we might not.

But there be times when it's hard for me it's settingnprsents under the tree always feel should be 2 people followed by glass of wine and dime serious snuggling.But then again often the reality is couples bickering as they wrap and build toys and realise that they wrapped the screwdriver up

once there in bed Xmas day that's the worse time for me big lonely by I allow myself a cry and a large glass of wine

This will be my second xmas since split. Last year XH came as the DCs wanted him to. This year he will be far away with OW.

Have some DC issues here but will make big attempt for a stress free happy xmas. I am going to talk with DCs and just plan for total indulgence. This will no doubt involve good food, music, booze, movies, general pampering and some pressies.

DS2 has announced that xmas is ALL about food and I will endeavour to spoil us completely. If I can face it I will do lunch 'properly' if not I will cheat where appropriate because I can.

Feel that I will at least be apart from twunt XH and avoid his nasty little quips.

Do the things children love, lots and lots of cheap crackers, lots of sweets everywhere, a new tradition or two, maybe think of things your ex wouldnt have liked. Arrange to meet for a walk with friends if you fancy it. Good luck and have a lovely stress free time.

And buy yourself a really indulgent present to put under the tree ,whatever you can afford but dont be mean,splash out and enjoy a well earned treat on xmas day !!!!

I doesn't have to be turkey/sausage/sage + onion/bread sauce/roasties/sprouts/carrots etc etc.

The first year after my 'dm' disowned me we had lasagne - it was lovely not to have to fuss and reclaim the day as our own. However, since then we have reverted to either turkey or as an alternative salmon, but because we like them, not because we have to have them iyswim.

I would think it's a bit like the first Christmas after losing a parent, you just need to do something different. After the first time, it's not so bad.

Hi All

First of all thanks for all the great advice and here is the update.

DS has decided to stay with me during the day and go to eat dinner at his grans around 4pm and after talking to my dd we have decided that rather than cook for just the 2 of us we are going to go out and eat.

My other dd has invited me down to her house at night whilst ds is withy his dad. and my friend has new year all planned for me so i am hoping that i will not have time to think about how different it will be.

Just to let you know that dc are in there teens so was able to talk to them and see what they wanted. Was a bit nervous that they wuld want to spend the whole day with h but they have made arrangements to spend time with us both.

personally i treat xmas lunch the same as a normal sunday roast when it has just been me and the kids, we have chicken veg gravy and kids have ice cream for pud, loads of people have alsorts of things for xmas day food, try to get kids to help peel the spuds etc days b4 and have lunch at lunchtime no of this 3.pm lunch whilst havin to watch queens speech crap, its your family create your own easy traditions, as for being on my own this will be my first xmas so i will let you know how it goes, best wishes.