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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

i feel so miserable today

56 replies

allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 12:12

The bloke i have/had been seeing for nearly 3mths has turned out to be a total dick and we stopped seeing each other a few days ago. ITs only hit me today though. I feel so gutted. He started off so keen.

Also my bank has charged me £200 in fees for going over my overdraft, my boiler broke and is costing £400 and also there is so much wrong with my car so that will be at least another £400 Sad
i have no money whatsoever and i just want to moan and feel sad. Sad
Sorry.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 30/11/2010 12:18

Aww, poor you.

That is one hell of a miserable couple of weeks, no wonder you feel shit.

I am totally skint too, DH out of work and nothing on the horizon, so I do sympathise with the worry about money x

Never mind about the dickhead bloke, think of it as a lucky escape, best to get that out of the way before Xmas.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 12:21

Thanks

Yes, i was trying to think of it as a lucky escape- rather before .xmas or in january when i always seem so miserable anyway.
Sorry about your dh's work.

Forgot to mention, nearly had horrid accident on the black ice this morning- my brakes failed at a junction and the car just kept sliding right onto the main road - THANK GOD there was nothing coming either way.
I think this is what started me feeling tearful.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 30/11/2010 12:24

Agree with AF that your life is definitely better WITHOUT a dickhead bloke in it. So consider that a positive.

Are you eating and sleeping well/enough? I felt so blue over the weekend I was ready to jump of a bridge (not literally, don't worry, I'm being hyperbolic). I know it sounds silly but I had a good meal and an epic 13 hour sleep and woke up feeling so much better.

Don't underestimate how little things like that can impact on your mental health. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.

I sympathise with you on the money thing as well. It's tough, especially at this time of year.

Moan here as much as you need, we're here for you and listening!

AnyFucker · 30/11/2010 12:25

bugger, have a little cry, you deserve it and you might feel a bit better afterwards

I have a broad shoulder Smile

Ooopsadaisy · 30/11/2010 12:25

Ok bellyup, I'm going to get tough with you.

Forget the dick - he cannot help you with the real issues because he's a dick.

Concentrate on the things you can control.

Speak to the bank - go and see a real person and explain that you have some difficulties ie boiler/car. Whether they help you or not, you have taken control and made positive steps.

If the dick calls you, cut him off.

Boiler - ask around your friends - does anyone know a plumber who can do the job for mates rates or do a deal where you pay for the work gradually or at a set time - say January? If it's a family friend or friend's hubby then they are usually happy to do this as they'll trust you.

Car - do you need it for work? If so, you'll have to get it done in which case do as you did for the boiler. If not for work then leave it for a while as the weather is pants and you probably won't be using it. Do you know anyone with a garage or is handy with motors?

Do not ask the dick to look at your car - trust me on this one.

Take action and you will feel empowered.

The dick will then see you around, looking confident and cool, and realise he is a dick.

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 12:27

i have not been sleeping well at all- for some reason i have got into the habit of waking every hour through the night- as the bloke i was seeing worked nights and would text all through the night, so i got used to waking up all the time to reply Hmm

Also i seem to have gone off my food a bit. This weather sure isnt helping.
i am on ADs and have upped the dose today Sad

Thanks for listening

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 30/11/2010 12:31

Sleep and food. And then you can start to put into practice Oopsadaisy's very good advice. You're probably a bit shaken up from the ice incident too, so have some sweet tea and just try to take it easy.

Honestly, I felt so desperate and down on Saturday and all I needed was some blood sugar and some good rest. (Plus having PMT didn't help - catches me out EVERY time).

I know it all feels like it's getting on top of you today but none of these things are insurmountable. You're more than capable of dealing with these problems. Without a crap bloke making everything worse.

AnyFucker · 30/11/2010 12:34

ah, some more broad shoulders Smile

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 12:35

oopsadaisy - dont worry, i wont ask Dick to do anything with my car. He lives an hour away anyway so wont be bumping into him.

I do need the car for work and MOT is due next week, and i know it will fail.
Have already had boiler fixed and been sent invoice.

RAng my local bank this morn to speak about the fees and they said there is no way i can get out of charges.

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 12:36

oh yes and constant bleeding/pmt too - the bloke had started calling me "mental" because of this.

OP posts:
whenallelsefailsmaketea · 30/11/2010 12:43

Sorry about your horrible week allgone.

I did the long sleep thing on saturday night too MW and woke up a much happier human.

Have you got anything you could sell off to pay for the car? Maybe if you get the garage to do a pre MOT look they can quote you for what needs doing so at least you know in advance what it will cost.

Could you pay by credit card? Ask for the work as an Xmas present from family? (Dire but helpful)

I'm sure you will get there in the end. It is just all a bit much when it all happens at once isnt it?

I am happy because I had to get 50 prizes for a prize draw and I have just reached my target. I hate begging!

Ooopsadaisy · 30/11/2010 12:44

belly-up - bless you.

Go and speak to a real bod at the bank. Really, it can make all the difference. Even if all they do is agree for you to pay back over a few months rather than all at once.

Didn't know about the ice, the sleep and the ADs when I told you to get tough so I'm sorry if that sounded a bit insensitive.

I do believe that if you can turn one of these problems around then you will feel so much better about yourself and find it easier to face the other problems.

Don't be afraid to speak to your GP if it's all getting on top of you.

Start textng your friends to find a decent bloke who knows his motors. He might even be single and lovely (and not a dick).

Also tell them that you are feeling crap. They will want to know and want to help (even if just with wine or chocolate).

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 13:27

Aw thank you. I just seem to attract disaster all the bloody time.
My mum says this to me too- what a great help.

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 15:05

i am a teacher and it was all i could do to stop myself crying in my last lesson!!! the kids could tell something was wrong..

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 30/11/2010 15:10

Have you been to your GP about the bleeding/PMT? Sounds like you should get that sorted.

Also, WRT your mum: not very supportive of her to be saying things like that to you, but don't let you or anyone else tell you that these things are disasters, they're not, they're just shitty annoying things that happen in life - always at the worst times. But try not to fall for the illusion that these things are bigger than they are iyswim.

I just want to make you a big steaming mug of tea and give you some chocolate biscuits and plonk you on the sofa under a big duvet!!

RitaLynn · 30/11/2010 15:17

Allgonebellyup,

I hope you feel better. I'd kind of followed your story, and remembered your threads where you seemed to be very elated with your new chap (you described him as one of the loveliest people you'd ever met) to him being a dick in a very short period of time.

I think there was a thread where people talked of red-flags and there was a bit of an argument over it.

What happened for that transformation to occur in such a short period?

PS, on the bright side, I think every bad experience gives us the chance to learn something.

Anniegetyourgun · 30/11/2010 16:21

The flowers, yes. I'd really rather have been wrong, you know.

It's strange how when life craps on you, it often dumps a whole load all at once. So often happens to nice people who don't deserve it, either. The only positive thing I can say is that if somebody up there had really been out to get you, the incident on the ice could have been a real accident instead of a scary might-have-been.

Damned banks have a lot to answer for. £200 is one hell of a penalty. Ombudsman time?

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 17:16

Well to be honest he is still an ok bloke.But too immature and silly

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 30/11/2010 17:25

At the risk of leading the thread astray slightly, it's interesting about the flowers thing. My ex sent me flowers a few weeks ago in a spectacular attempt to emotionally manipulate me and I was talking with my girlfriends about getting sent flowers, etc and we all of us realised that whenever we'd been sent flowers by a guy, it was always because the guy had been (or would later reveal himself to be) a twat.

Without exception, every man who has bought me flowers has been a prick in some way and I would honestly be a bit Hmm in the future if a man bought be any.

Sorry for hijack.

LittleMissHoHoHoFit · 30/11/2010 17:41

Bloody hell that bank is being a bit sharp! Could you go in to the bank and ask at least to spread the payments over a few months?

So sorry that the bloke didn't live up to your expectations.

Take it all each day as it comes and try not to panic, it'll work out in the end.

Take some time to regroup, and heal...

meanwhile, keep posting, we are always here..

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 30/11/2010 18:47

i did hint about the flowers before he sent them tbh! i moaned that nobody had ever sent any to me before!

And not to stick up for him but he is an ok bloke really, not a dick, as i said earlier- i suppose im just sore that we didnt seem to be working out and all the money stuff.
i think i bored him a bit with being so demanding and whinging about money and kids all the time.

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 01/12/2010 10:09

Oi, if he wasn't a dick he would have been supportive about your problems, not grumbling that you're no fun. Don't go taking the blame. Well, I suppose to be fair to him he hadn't known you all that long and didn't sign up for a load of someone else's trouble, but if you've got a lot of demands on you already you don't need pressure to entertain someone else as well. Perhaps it just isn't a very good time for romance just now. At least you know you can pull!

Original poster
allgonebellyup · 01/12/2010 11:11

Thanks Annie- not to sound arrogant but i have no problems pulling!- i just seem to keep going for the wrong types!

He was not really expecting to take on such boisterous children- and i was not wanting him to get too involved with them, which he couldnt understand. i think he thought i wanted to keep him locked away like a secret. We did text a little bit last night but he didnt reply to my last 2 texts!

Anyway had a great sleep, no work cos of the ssnow, so its a good day! Although no let up on the money side of things yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
allgonebellyup · 01/12/2010 11:13

ps, he never implied that i bored him, i am just looking back and seeing what hard work i must have looked like. Not blaming myself though, just trying to see why it didnt work.

OP posts:
Ooopsadaisy · 01/12/2010 12:46

Hi bellyup. You sound a bit more positve than yesterday. I think that sleep always makes things a bit easier to cope with.

Can I just say that even if you were "hard work" in the eyes of the dick, he should never just abandon you when you have troubles. End the relationship if necessary by all means but keep up a caring friendship. That's common courtesy to another human being isn't it?

Don't try to over-analyse it.