i feel so miserable today

[allgonebellyup]

The bloke i have/had been seeing for nearly 3mths has turned out to be a total dick and we stopped seeing each other a few days ago. ITs only hit me today though. I feel so gutted. He started off so keen.

Also my bank has charged me £200 in fees for going over my overdraft, my boiler broke and is costing £400 and also there is so much wrong with my car so that will be at least another £400
i have no money whatsoever and i just want to moan and feel sad.
Sorry.

Maybe he just didn't want to get involved, basically, with someone with young dc.

I don't like the fact that just because 'he' worked nights, he kept texting you all night, interrupting your sleep. Why would he not respect the fact that you have gone to bed at night like alot of other people, especially taking into account you have young dc, and keep expecting you to be on call to keep replying to him, and why did you just not tell him - going to bed now, speak/text you tomorrow, love.....??? I don't find that very considerate.

I fear he is rather selfish.

Sorry about all this agbu. Glad you're sounding a bit better.

This thread is interesting because I have never got this: when a relationship ends then both sides have to suddenly dislike each othr (I understand when there is an actual reason that causes the split, infidelity or something).

The way I read it is agbu is calling him a dick as a kind of catharcism, getting tough rather than dissolving in tears. That I understand and relate to and I think it's probably very helpful.

But then when she says that actually, he's not a bad bloke it just hasn't worked out for various reasons, others are saying, no, he IS a dick, he did a, b and c wrong.

I'd say its a hell of a lot more healthy to look at things the way you are, agbu, than to get pulled into all this He's The Enemy stuff (even though it's clearly done with the best of intentions).

It is perfectly possible to end a relationship without all this animosty. Anyway, sorry for the hijack agbu, chin up m'dear.

Yes, money is a worry. Don't let him be another worry for you as well in your life.

Limez - I envy people who can end relationships amicably; I must have had bad luck in that department.

Of course it helps to think he is a bastard - but OP didn't say that anyway, and, he's really not worth bothering with if he doesn't want to take into acccount her dc in the equation of him knowing her.

I also, as said, think he sound selfish and immature, texting her all night - how inconsiderate. She should have set a boundary as to 'I need my sleep, please respect that, in a nice way', and if he didn't behave considerately, he wouldn't have been worth it, anyway.

Allgone , i remember your original thread. I think its good your trying to see why things didnt work out , but dont go down the road of you being hard work or having boisterous kids .

This guy sounded like he had a lack of boundarys , ringing and texting someone during the night just because hes awake stinks of someone with no boundarys , as is wanting to get involved with someones dcs after a short time , and being moody ect.

I think your well shot personally . Somebody who didnt reply to my texts after messaging me in the middle of the night wouldnt be hearing from me again.

Do watch out for him starting to play daft text games with you.

Exactly, dignified. It smacks of a man who doesn't respect boundaries - help!!!

I know there was a load of upset on that original thread when someone remarked about red flags , but it is quite possible to detect a potential nob in the early days .

I once dated someone who seemed really nice , i really liked him. We were at my house once and i was making some toastys. There was the tiniest crumb on the side of the margarine tub and he sulkily exclaimed that he couldnt possibly eat it now . He took himself off into the front room while i carried on doing what i was doing .

Five minuites later when i went in the front room he was lay down on my sofa having covered himself up with my throw as if he was in bed . I told him to go home and couldnt even be arsed to explain why.

My freinds jokingly refer to him as crumb boy , and some thought i was being a bit precious , and couldnt see the problem. My take was sulking in anyone aged over 10 isnt acceptable , and nor is it acceptable to make the sofa into a bed when your a guest in someones house . He was far too comfortable here for a guest.

Allgonebellyup - I think you need to stay away from relationship for a bit. Give yourself a break, concentrate on yourself. Do things that will boost your confidence.

There is something seriously wrong, when you are feeling defensive about a bloke, who texts you (a mother with children) FREQUENTLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT because he is bored at work, and also happens to call you mental because you have a prolonged period/pms....you don't need that, seriously. Give yourself a break.

THANKYOU Limez!

Just cos i was upset i called him a dick when in fact he isnt one.
But, he was only 25 to my 30, not a parent so lacking in what is needed to raise kids.
IT wasnt that he wasnt interested in us, just that he wanted to become too involved as a family too soon - and wanted him to be kept separate.

The texting through the night thing would be started by me! he would say "why arent you asleep?" and i would have got myself all awake and wanting to keep texting him, as i would have no contact during the day.

i am more than happy to stay friends with him!

This reminds me of a man I knew who left his coat at my house, and didn't say anything about arranging to next meet, and when I said to him, when he was leaving that 'oh, you left your coat on the chair', he said ' oh, I'm coming back later, 'don't worry'. I had known him a week.

Or is it just me.

that should read "And I wanted him to be kept separate..."

dignified, isn't that all too familiar on here though? That unfathomable link between moody sulking, having to get into bed/under a blanket and personality disordered men?

I've seen it mentioned on here so many times - twats who need to take really long naps or go to bed whenever they're upset.

Would love to know if there's a clinical behavioural explanation for that.

Can you stay friends with him if it has such a strong effect on your emotions when you call it a day with him - seriously.

Well, i guess the best thing for me is to stop talking about him on here and get on with my life!!

madonnawhore - cannot believe you have said THIS!!!! Always going off to bed, sleeping for hours (putting himself first, to avoid the results of upsetting the other person/being told HE can't stand the difficulties YOU cause/leaving them to pick up the pieces.......).

What?

They've split up, she's a bit miserable. Doesn't equate that they can't therefore get on.

I still get this kind of reaction almost 3 years since splitting with my ex. Like we're the the odd ones for still being pals.

Too much projection going on.

Im bloody glad i feel so cheerful today, compared to yesterday!!!

Although now have a 3 mile hike in the car up the snow-covered hill to muck out the goddamned horse!! NOT looking forward to that!!

Sorry - meant to put 'leaving you to pick up the pieces' - eg you look after the dc, I get out of anything, I have had my bit of fun winding you up/hurting your feelings etc.

Thin that's probably the best thing agbu... can see this going the way of the flowers thread

i agree again with you Limez, my ex-dh still comes in my house for drinks and to mess around with the kids for a while.
My friends are like "why do you even let him in?!" but we still get on ok since we split 4yrs ago, so why not??

limez - OP said she was GUTTED.

ANother poster mentioned on anohter thread that this constant nap-taking in difficult people is some kind of recognised disorder with a name, but I can't remember the name.
Here AGBU, and can I join a pity party? I have not been paid by 3 clients, have people I owe money to ringing up and whining, almost certainly can't go to Filament issue party tonight because of snow/no money/DS dad not being able to get here to babysit.. and I am forty fucking six today .

Have to add though, the blokey was ALWAYS going to bed/for naps all the bloody time!!

yes...she just split up with someone. It's NORMAL!