'd'h has just thrown a hard object with force at my head

[tiredandgrumpy]

Sorry this is long and overly detailed.

It's ds' birthday. We were waiting for h to get home early for ds' birthday cake. He got home 45 mins later than planned, because he'd had a difficult journey home (though I think he left work too late). Waiting then for h to come and sing happy birthday etc. Niggles ensued, he got so cross with me that he threw a pocket magnifying glass at my head (heavy, solid metal frame), hard, from a close distance. Kids were watching and of course very upset. I calmed them down, we had cake etc, I put the kids to bed. They seem ok. I'm still shaking now.

2 hours on and he still hasn't apologised to me, blaming me for making him so cross. This isn't the first time he's hurt me, but it has been a very long while. He clearly came home in a bad mood and I obviously did wind him up, but still, acting like that in front of the kids? No apology? I don't know what to do.

x posts grace.

UM FWIW, when DH and I first got together we used to have some screaming rows. And yes, I know that I "wound him up" and vice versa. But he never, ever touched a hair on my head. He would leave the house, or more usually, go to bed, but he would never, ever have hurt me.

We have fortunately learnt some better tactics for dealing with our differences of opinion, and get on fine now. Any hint of physical violence would have been total deal breaker though.

I hope you can get some local support.

Poor you, I'd be fucking furious. So sorry that this has happened, and not for the first time.

Really, there are a minority of prize plums on this thread. Do ignore them.

I think its unfair that my opinion on this is being interrupted as if i am justifying what the guy has done. I never said that.

Heyhay, I would just leave it now, and walk away, there is no coming back in somethings and this is one. I for one have never seen Grace reduced to swearing!

heyhay it's the fact you asked whether, maybe, she wound him up. The minute you start to take circumstances into account you start justifying it in a small way.

Greenshadow how can you throw a heavy object at someone's head at close range and not intend to hurt or at minimum be reckless to hurt being caused. Common assault and Battery are offences under s39 of the Criminal Justice Act 1988 (its a battery - assault is the threat; battery the action)

Note recklessness is enough you don't need specific intent

Your thread about a thread will give you lots of airtime opportunity to discuss this further, do pop off there.

Monkey, where is the thread?

Heyhay - it's perfectly fair to slate your opinion when it might lead the OP to think that her husband's behaviour is somehow excused because she 'wound him up'. This also implies that she is partly responsible.

He committed a crime and the OP is not responsible. I'd love to see how the 'she wound me up' defence plays in a criminal court.

What's important here is the OP and her safety - not being nice about your posts.

Am rubbish at links - in AIBU - Divorce is not answer.

tiredandgrumpy, if you can't face doing anything more than this, please, please wait until H has gone to work tomorrow and the children are at school, and ring Womens Aid. They won't try to push you into any decisions at all, they will just give you the chance to talk about what has happened, and the space for you to decide what you want to do, with no pressure. It is up to you to decide what you want to do about this horrible situation, and WA will help you clarify things.

Work at a marriage with violence in it?

I am speachless. Truely I am.

Op these people will be able to advise and council you. This is not your fault. What happens when the dc 'wind him up'?

Would he dare to throw anything at anyone else if he was in a bad mood? I wonder why he wouldn't do that?

You've lost sight of the fact that you are SOMEONE and that it isn't normal. Would anyone else throw something at you? Again you know they wouldn't and you know it's not normal.

If you don't begin to see clearly how wrong his behaviour is and things carry on tomorrow as if nothing's happened then you'll be on a long road of being ground down by him. Not just the knowledge of possible further violence but his total lack of disrespect will wear you down and you'll start to "try not to annoy him" etc.

I think you need to think long and hard and maybe try to distance yourself emotionally from the situation. You will see a lot clearer then that maybe when you are actually "winding him up" - you are in fact most likely reacting to his disrespect and attempting to justify your feelings.

You could have died if it had hit you

What happened, did you duck out of the way?

What did he do to hurt you before? I can't imagine it would be as serious as what just happens, which means it's getting worse

He has done this before. He will do it again. This is NOT your fault. Please don't assume that domestic violence is always how it is portrayed on TV. He has crossed a line and you cannot brush this under the carpet because it WILL happen again. What would you tell yoiur daughter if this had happened to her?

tired - i would :
ask him to leave, now. to a b and b or hotel or his mate. but now.

if he refuses and doesnt understand why, then you call the police (be careful -at this point he may grab the phone off you) -

if you cant do this then tomorrow a.m. you go to the police and report it. you go to your GP and report it.
when he is out at work you tell him he cannot return for a few days at least - give you space to think, call womens aid, get your papers together.

calling police - it loses if you wait a few days and he is calm and will just deny it.
til next time.

you need to see this for what it is: an assault.

and as was said: next time it could be your child's head.

"work it out" yeh right - from a distance . not in the same house.

you let him off the hook this time - he will do it again.

anger management - yeh whatever; but he needs to know you serious, and wont tolerate this

she has let him off the hook before, it seems

hoping he would change ? Nothing wrong with hope, OP, but in this situation it is ^misplaced and dangerous

look the shock of this happening - been there - done that but now op is the time to decide: no more. he goes . then you consider everything from a safe distance.

at the least - op, resolve that any sign of anger and he goes....

and get your papers, money etc - you might have to be the one to flee....who could you go to? friends? family?

tiredandgrumpy are you ok? Have things moved on since your op?

I hope you are OK and safe. :)

I used to live with a ghastly man like this.
I wish I had reported the bastard to the police.
Please do so, OP. What he has done is wrong.

Also anger management is of no use to such violent men; it can justify the abuse they mete out further in their own minds. Anger management will therefore solve nothing; besides which I reckon he can control his temper outside the home. Abusers too are very plausible to those in the outside world.

How many more times will he hit you before you wake up to the full reality of what is happening here. It was an object this time, next time it will be his fists.

hoping the OP is ok this morning and is taking some steps to get help and get this abuser away from her and the children.

how are thing stoday? hope you maanged to report to GP / police / call womens aid for support