please tell me what you would do

[runforthehill]

I've name changed and am going to try to be discrete.

My boyfriend of five years moved into my place two years ago.
He asked me to marry him a year ago, I was shocked but said yes.
He had a terrible marriage, married because she was pregnant, she had many affairs and chucked him for his business partner. He lost his house and his business.
When I met him he was living with his mum. He told me yesterday that the only reason he wants to marry me is because of my house.

I love him but don't intend to be a mug, would you chuck him and change the locks?

Tell him to fuck off.

Yep. Assuming you believe he was even remotely serious. If he was joking it was in pretty poor taste.

And what did he expect your reply would be?

Chuck him.

How, why and in what way did he say it?

why do you love him?

Thankyou for your replies.
Friends and family think he's a good man.

We have been having problems in that my son and I are little, dark, quiet and nerds and his son moved in who is 6'5", with an IQ of 70 and is emotional. Our sons do not get on. His son says my son bullies him!

My boyfriend said again about getting married. I said not until our sons are OK.
This is when he told me why he wants to get married.

I going to chuck him, they can go to his mums.

Forgot to include, his son is racist and teases our dog, but my boyfriend says he does not mean it because of his special needs.

If you have told this to your friends and family and they advise you to stay with him, it is not just him that needs to leave your life imho, hugs to you x

This is a problem with a nice, easy solution.

Tell him to get lost. You will be happier, your son will be happier.

You would have to be absolutely crazy to continue with this man.

And, not wanting to tell you off or anything, but what were you thinking of, moving someone (his son) into your house when your own child clearly disliked him?

KIck him and all your family into touch quck.

too ridiculous

I'll summarise.
Tell him to FUCK OFF.

I have been single for ten years since leaving my husband. I dated, but did not introduce them to my sons (older sons at uni now), even dated one man for four years and did not introduce him.
My son gets on well with boyfriend. When boyfriend asked if he could move in I asked all my sons. They said yes, I then waited three months and asked them again to make sure, they said yes.
When boyfriend asked if his son could move in, I did they same, they said ok. Its his son who is unhappy.
I'm not at all afraid to be single and my sons are always very kind to me. My youngest goes to uni next year.

My family are very traditional and I have no single friends or friends dealing with step families. They would all prefer I was not single, so they are biased.

I will finish with him asap, any tips on how to remove them from my house?

Give them a polite deadline, and if they are still here the day after, binbag everything they own and leave it at your ex-p's work.
Then change the locks.

Change locks when hes out / phone police if he refuses to leave./ Send his stuff to his mums via taxi, then tell him by text.

Suggestion for text ...." how does it feel to be homeless ? "

sorry , hes an utter cunty barsteward.

Sn is no excuse for his 6 foot teen to treat your child so badly .Sn children (even those with low iq`s )can be taught to respect and be kind to others. Poor parenting here i think.
Its actually a shame for his son , that he did not have enough intrest in the lad to spend a bit more time to teach him basic maners.Poor lad is at a disadvantage socialy deacuse of this.

You already know the answer to this don't you?

If he was arsing around then perhaps it was just a bad joke but he wasn't he was being a twonk - which he is a lot by the sounds of it!

Get rid, start again and give yourself the chance to be with someone halfway decent!

Thankyou for your advice.
I thought I was being a bitch.
He's agreed to leave but he is very bitter and angry.
I'm pretending that our relationship is not over so he will leave calmly.
I really love him but I feel so stupid for not realising what he was up to.
I gave up my job in the summer to try and help his son settle in. So now I have no income and I've exams in two weeks.

Don't know when they're leaving but job hunting tomorrow. x

Being taken in is not stupid, people are not taken in by people who make it obvious, they are taken in by people who are clever and devious. you are not responsible for this. You need to hang on to the fact that you can pull out before it gets too far in.

I know that doesn't make it easier but it is true!

Runforthehill, darling, don't feel bad about this, give grateful thanks that you found out before you were married to this prize idiot.

Thing is, even if he was only kidding, it's too late now and if you stuck with him you would always wonder about his motives.

NOW, battle plan, get him out and get your job stuff sorted, great you are ready and able to do this.

TWO: never, ever forget your worth, as a person, and in terms of assets, and your darling DS.

Vet everyone very carefully. Think Is this bloke worth half my house? what has HE got to offer ME? if the answer is nothing, then tbh, you need to keep him at arms length. I know it's awful, but when you have seen the depths to what people will sink to, to get hold of a free house, nationality etc, that I have seen, you learn to think differently.

Plan for the worst, hope for the best.

Well done for finding the strength to do what's right

Hello,

just wanted to say thankyou for your advice and let you know how things turned out.

They moved out a week before xmas and I was heartbroken but I am better now.

I feel like I have my spark and joy of life back. I've got back into my hobbies, got a new job and spending more time with my friends. My son thinks he has done well in his A levels and we feel like we have our home back.

I'm not even going to bother with men until my son is at uni.

Thankyou so much for your support, I felt like I was a bad person and you really helped me stand up for myself and my son.

Our dog is happier too xx