ex sent pics of new girlfriend

[spiritedaway]

My ex who constantly says he wants us back... WEsplit 2 months ago..is already seeing various girls. Saying i have no right to ask for time...make my mind up etc. He asks to meet and if i agree immediately places demands like we are meeting to start the relationship again..not just to build bridges. Recently told me he is sleeping with someone else...i replied i don't need to know, be adult next thing i received pic message of half naked 20 something in his room. With message,"is this adult enough for you?" I am 40 and 7 months pregnant with our second child. He then said he sent this pic to show me he really loved me because he wanted me not her,,,the pic he said was to show it was not through lack of opportunity. Also he as said, "screw you, you have no right to be upset. It's me who wants you back. "Problem is...it made me feel shit and now i am weakening in my resolve to part. Any comments? Feeln so low and confused, lonely etc

Re your 20:33:36 post, I don't remember a conversation quite like that, spiritedaway, but he did say to me on a number of occasions "Why won't you be honest, why can't you just tell me the truth?" With yours, it sounds like he wanted you to make something up. He didn't like your true story so he wanted you to tell one that would fit into what he already believed instead. Er, that's not normal.

I was talking to a young woman the other day whose DP is convinced she's cheating. He said he had booked a lie detector test for her! He hadn't, of course. She was probably supposed to cave in and confess all at this point, but as there's nothing to confess it will be difficult. I said you know men like this don't change. If they're paranoid, they're paranoid; it's nothing to do with anything you've done. If you want to stay with him, tell him you won't stand for such nonsense. Otherwise, run like feck.

The NPD stuff is juat how it feels...i rush to defend myself..opens dialogue over again. Was reading about Narcissistic Supply, now i;m wondering is my defending myself a source of NS because it shows i'm still bothered?

spirited do you know that some of the most manipulating,abusive men also show love and attentiveness towards their partners? and this is not done out of love,but control,so that they can use that against you in future,they will say i loved you and was there for you blah blah while in truth its another trick,,think about the future,do not look back,

I read there is a NPD thread somewhere on site but i can't find it...think this answers my question

"One should be careful not to romanticise the narcissist. His remorse and good behaviour are always linked to fears of losing his sources.

Narcissists have no enemies. They have only Sources of Narcissistic Supply. An enemy means attention means supply. One holds sway over one's enemy. If the narcissist has the power to provoke emotions in you, then you are still a Source of Supply to him, regardless of which emotions are provoked."

At the beginning of our relationship he pulled out all stops to get me..worked over every member of my family...really was the knight in shining armour but even so I had an instinct that told me "NO". I ignored it...felt it was me not wanting a good thing because i was self destructive or some such shit.

the other thing is these types of men totally believe that they are the only ones who can make you happy,that without them you are nothing and they want you to believe it too,and by making you feel worthless they are trying to make themselves feel so much more than they are,i think its people who are mostly insecure about themselves who attack other people,,

Spirited, keep thinking, keep putting the pieces together. It will keep you strong. Narcs are really good at not letting you trust your instinct. They do this right from the beginning. Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep posting. Know that you were right from the beginning. And that you are a great mum and a woman who deserves respect, from herself, from her children and from everyone who interacts with her.

Your Ex is a nasty piece of work, who doesn't respect you. The fact that he doesn't respect himself is not your problem. He will not change, but you will.

You made a mistake, you made two mistakes. Forgive yourself. Only the brave and the good take risks, make mistakes and learn from them. Take your time. Devote yourself to you and your DCs. Be kind to yourself. Learn to trust yourself again. Know that he will do all in his power to stop you from getting there and cut him out.

OMG spirited, the comment about you not being the perfect person he thought you were.

'H' did that, he actually looked like he was welling up. I lived in Brazil for 2 years when I was 20/21 I went out with 3 blokes.

If anything came on the telly to do with gay, brazil, portugal (by association) Lebanon (ExH was from there) I'd get the 3rd, 4th and 5th degree. this from a guy that has banged god knows how many nationalities.

he has woken me up and insisted I went upstairs to see the favelas on a news report... to rib me and question me on how I could be involved with people like that...
I never went to a favela, i never knew anyone from one... and even if I did, so FFing what?

I got all the way upstairs and the telly had moved on.

I yelled at him then, and again a few weeks ago when he woke me up at 2.30am, asked me to go downstairs as he wanted to talk to me, wanted to ask me... NOT to keep calling him a TWAT.

Ok then... what shall I call you then?

Now I have nothing but very thinly disguised disgust for him. I hate him for the shit he pulled on me in his country, on his failing us his family. I'm not even judging him on these really freaky episodes anymore... BUT

.. Any time I think, Oh if he could just help around the house, it'd be better, if he could enjoy his own DS, it'd be better, if he had interests in us, in me, and not only himself, smoking and sitting on his arse, it'd be better.

However, looking back at this crazy stuff, I can't fight for him to stay, can I?

I now know who I am and I love myself for it, I don't love him. I can't bear him. We had a row the other day, he stomped out, I still felt a bit sick at him going though, these abusive people have a hold on us... Tooblessed, you are bang on I think.

But I tell myself that he has to go, that he is going in the New Year, and that will be that.

Scary, but it has to happen.

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread but wanted to say..how dare he take pictures of that girl and send them out! What a bad, selfish, user of a man. He probably cajoled her saying he wanted a picture to remember her by. Just disgusting to use another person in this way. Sorry you got involved with such a bad person and were unlucky enough to have children with him.

I have only read your posts not the replies (I really need to get some sleep - sorry), but this guy is a complete and utter wanker. He has you thinking things that no person would think!

Please keep him in EX status - do not go back with him - he will only get worse and your life will be a living hell. He already has you thinking some of the things he does that are fucking screwed up are because you hurt him/humiliated him/disobeyed him...

RUN FAST

"The NPD stuff is juat how it feels...i rush to defend myself..opens dialogue over again. Was reading about Narcissistic Supply, now i;m wondering is my defending myself a source of NS because it shows i'm still bothered?"

yes!

I really identify with this post of yours too.

"At the beginning of our relationship he pulled out all stops to get me..worked over every member of my family...really was the knight in shining armour but even so I had an instinct that told me "NO". I ignored it...felt it was me not wanting a good thing because i was self destructive or some such shit."

I also felt that something wasn't right. I guess it was that I doubted their was any real connection even though the 'boxes' were being ticked. If I'd been as canny then as I am now. I'd have RUN.

RE: the supply, I went through 8 years of being cross examined on a daily basis. He should have been a top barrister. In fact, seriously, if ever I am cross examined, no barrister could ever give me such a hard time as my x did every day for 8 years. Before I'd had a weetabix some days.

Oh I don't miss those court cases!! My life was 'on the stand'...

Gonna keep reading up un NPD....LittleMiss hope it all works out ok. And you can get back to your carnival roots

spirited it is working out, he has no power over me. He shouts at me, but it's all stuff he is guilty of himself.

Is this torture/inquisition a NPD thing then?

No, won't be going back to Brazil, got many other places I need to see and visit.