It's another of those "didn't think it would happen to me" threads

[NotSureWhatNow]

Name changer due to SIL posting here and don't want her knowing about this.

DH and I haven't been getting along amazingly - no rows just a feeling of something not being quite right for a while tbh. I have been away working for a few days. Got back today and was sorting washing from the airer. Found a black holdup which as I don't wear them was hardly a good sign.

Stupid DH had done washing and when unpacking his suitcase from a couple of weeks ago hadn't noticed bringing that back with him.

We have been talking. Have been being surprisingly calm. Is a person from his old work and sounds like they have slept with each other a couple of times. Has been happening since about August I think.

Our sex life has been crap for ages - for the last two years or so.

Both of us have said we've felt unsure about how the other one felt about them - I have felt DH not liking/loving me much but seems he has been feeling the same.

A few years ago I had an emotional affair which ended up with a kiss or two. Feel this is some karma for that having happened.

Is DS's birthday tomorrow (excellent timing). Feel somehwat numb tbh. As my name says I'm not sure what to do now. I think we need some sort of help here but don't think we can afford counselling. Not sure we can afford not to though.

Am just sad tonight.

From the tone of your posts it sounds as though your marriage has reached the stage of non-passion on both sides. Despite other advice you have been given, this is not necessarily the worst space to be in. Depends what you both want really. I know that there are strong opinions on here about these matters. However, in the real world, I would suggest that quite a few long term relationships are in a relatively "non-passion" state. They plod along like this until one or other partner meets someone who ignites the flame, then there is a crisis of some sort which may, or may not, lead to the a change in the status quo. If children are not involved, it makes sense to "go with the heart/desire" but if children ARE involved it is a bit more complicated. Not advice really, sorry, more of a ramble. You could start doing all sorts of detective work and laying down conditions etc - but it sounds as though you can't really be arsed! (I know people will hate me for saying this, but the reality of long term relationship is that they do get a little bit - stale? No-one admits it because it goes against the marriage sacred cow).

Anyway, hope you can make things work - FOR YOU!!